Journey to Brokenness

Life is Precious

2012-02-13T19:54:00.001-06:00

I feel like somehow I need to process the events of the last four days, but I don’t know how to process everything because some of them I can’t speak about.

All of the events are about the preciousness of life. For some, losing their life wasn’t a choice, but yet we rejoice because they are now in the throne room worshiping the lover of their heart 24/7. For others, coming close to losing their life was a choice, but God redeemed their life and said; “the grave can not have you, because my purpose for you is not complete.” In each situation, the complete hand of God was directing the paths.

My precious friend, Katie, was killed in a car accident on Friday morning with her friend Anne. They woke up like it was any other day and yet never made it to their final intended destination because God brought them home. Katie’s favorite verse was Proverbs 16:3, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” That is such a timely verse. This is where comfort is found in the sovereign hand of God.

I understand the desire to take your life. When I was in high school, I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it. It would have been easier, but I chose not to take the easy way out. I contemplated all the ways I could do it and make it look like an accident. Junior High and Senior High school is hard, and it just gets harder as the years go on. Each generation is facing harder, deeper and more brutal things than before, I will never deny that. That is why I feel so broken for that age group. They need hope. They need someone to come alongside them and love them, maybe for the first time in their life. I can’t fix their problems, but I can let them know they are not alone.

There was a song that I heard all the time growing up called “Life is Precious” by Wes King and it is the only thing that has gone through my head the last four days.

Life is precious, life is sweet
Like the earth beneath my feet
Though I know I'm passing through
I know I belong to You
Life is precious, life is sweet
And this truth makes it complete
Knowing Jesus died for me
Life is precious
Life is precious, life is sweet

We have lost sight of the preciousness of life. I feel like these days, no one has value for human life anymore. Abortion is rampant; murder is through the roof and everyone feels like “they get what they deserve”. It breaks my heart that with each passing year, the price of a human life decreases while the price of “things” increases. We have lost touch with the human connection and little by little we are replacing the irreplaceable with something that will never satisfy.

Jesus, help us value human life. Help us see your bigger purpose in our own life. Comfort Katie and Anne’s families during the next two days as they have the viewing and funerals. Help each of us; those who claim the mark of BELIEVER OF JESUS CHRIST, to know your unquenchable, unrelenting love. We cling to the cross. We hope in You. We plan our way and trust you to establish our steps. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice on my behalf. Holy Spirit, thank you for your continual pursuit. Papa God, thank you for your unrelenting love.

I'm worthy of more

2012-01-22T17:49:00.005-06:00

I wish I wasn’t so angry, but alas, I am. As I was on my way home from lunch with everyone after church, I was thinking/praying and realized that I am worth more, so much more, than he is providing me. I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty darn great.

I am beautiful, I am passionately in love with Jesus, I am working at become the woman God has created me to be. I am praying God would create in me a gentle and quiet spirit and to die to my self so I can love and serve a boyfriend/fiancé/husband well.

I am not perfect. I will do things that make said boyfriend/fiancé/husband upset, but I will try to be humble enough to admit my mistakes, ask for forgiveness and learn from my mistakes.

One day there will be a man who will see this, appreciate this and desire to be with me. If he is not willing to do that, even though it is handed to him, then I am tired of him taking advantage of it and maybe stopping another man to step up.

I’ve felt this way for a while now, but not upset enough to do anything. When he comes around me, I let him walk all over me. I did it with Lucas for a long time; months at the end of our relationship. I am worth more than these men are giving me. Lord, please give me the courage to do something about this. Help me respect myself enough to demand it from this man.

If he is not attracted to me, that is fine. I can’t do anything about this. If he doesn’t want a relationship because he doesn’t have the “time” to give to it, then he needs to realize that he is already giving it all too me. His actions show he is interested, his words say otherwise. Nothing would change with him and I except that we would have a title to what we are and I’d get to kiss him. But again, I can speak to his logic all day long, but if it boils down to the fact that he is just not attracted to me, I can’t change that. Ugh! I'm tired of the games!

Wyldlife

2011-12-05T09:04:00.001-06:00

I haven’t written in a while, I know, but I either have too much going on and know I can’t write about it all or I’ve had nothing going on so I don’t think to write. I will give a quick snapshot of what I’m currently doing and embarking to do, and then I will brag on a specific group of people.

So, I have been working full time and helping start a junior high program for The Woodlands area Young Life. Work has been crazy because it is Christmas seasons and my place of employment does Christmas HUGE. We have 11 services at my location alone. Its nuts.

(I’ll get to the junior high program shortly.) Also, coming down the line, I enroll (officially) for class back at College of Biblical Studies where I am going to work towards a bachelor of art in biblical studies with a minor in Christian education (with a focus on youth ministry). To be honest with you, I would not have thought I’d end up back at CBS, but I think God has bigger plans that I do. I’m actually really excited about it and have the backing of my church leadership in this pursuit. It’s such a blessing.

Now, as I explain Wyldlife (the junior high ministry) I will also have my brag moment. First, however, a little about Wyldlife.

Wyldlife is the junior high school program affiliated with Young Life. It is a para-church organization that hopes to go where students are and bring them to an understanding and relationship with Jesus. Their model is to go to where the students are instead of asking the students to come to us. They long to build relationship and trust and through that bring about the avenue for the Spirit to save them and open up opportunity for discipleship. Montgomery County Wyldlife (what I’m a part of) has only had one club thus far and it was a major homerun and God blew our minds. We were praying for 15-20 students and God brought us 60-65 students. It was astonishing. We have our next club this Friday and I’m anxious to see what God is going to do.

Now, my bragging comes when I talk about the incredible team God has hand-picked to walk this out. It is comprised of “supportive adults” who are the Wyldlife “cheerleaders” and “bouncers”. This is the moms and dads who rally around as support in any way the team needs. We have three committed adults to this team with many other parents who right now just help promote and pray. Then we have our “adult leaders” who consists of Bart, Melanie, Branden, Leah and I. We are the adults who walk alongside the student leaders to plan and run the club each month. We are the “responsible” ones at the event and as it sounds, the “adult leaders” and all that consist of. Aside from Leah, the other adult leaders are some of my closest friends whom I’ve been walking life with for over a year. I love each of them so deeply and am completely honored to work in this ministry with them. Their passion for Jesus and the students continually inspires me in my life to press hard into Jesus and love others well. I’m just starting to get to know Leah, but her understanding and love for junior high students is obvious and her heart for the Lord stands uncompromised and firm. I’m blessed to work with such an incredible team.

Then we have our student leaders. (Yes, they need their own paragraph.) This team is collected of juniors in high school who passionately love Jesus and junior highers. Emma, Mandy, Paige, Shannon, Paul, Brandon and Bryce are some of the most unique people I’ve seen in a while. They all had their worlds RADICALLY changed this summer by Jesus and have this overflow of that which has fueled the startup of Wyldlife. It was these 7 students who made this ministry come to full fruition. They come from different backgrounds, different social circles and different “religious” backgrounds but the love and unity that these students have is unbelievable. It is something that can only be orchestrated by the hand of God. I am constantly blown away by their undeniable pursuit of Christ, their battle with who they were last year verse who God has changed them to be and the way that through that they long for Christ to be central to all they do. They encourage each other, pray for each other, hang out with each other, hold each other accountable and genuinely love each other. They are a testimony to so many on what authentic biblical community looks like. They take 1 Timothy 4:12 and walk it out in practical ways without questioning. I’m dumbfounded by their faith, their honesty and their passion. I’m so thankful for the team God has put together.

So, that’s a little catch up. I’ll write again when I have time or something to say.

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12

Heavy Lifting

2011-09-15T11:29:00.001-05:00

Today's post was an email from Our Daily Bread that I thought was a beautiful picture of coming to Jesus with our "weight of the world" burdens.
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Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden. —Matthew 11:28

One day I found my son straining to lift a pair of four-pound barbells over his head—an ambitious feat for a toddler. He had raised them only a few inches off the ground, but his eyes were determined and his face was pink with effort. I offered to help, and together we heaved the weight up toward the ceiling. The heavy lifting that was so hard for him was easy for me.

Jesus has this perspective on the stuff that’s hard for us to manage. When life seems like a carousel of catastrophes, Jesus isn’t fazed by a fender-bender, troubled by a toothache, or harassed by a heated argument—even if it all happens in one day! He can handle anything, and that is why He said, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden” (Matt. 11:28).

Are you worn out from ongoing problems? Are you weighed down with stress and worry? Jesus is the only real solution. Approaching the Lord in prayer allows us to cast our burdens on Him so that He can sustain us (Ps. 55:22). Today, ask Him to assist you with everything. By helping you with your burdens, He can supply rest for your soul, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:29-30). —Jennifer Benson Schuldt

O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer. —Scriven

Prayer is the place where burdens change shoulders.

Desperate for Jesus

2011-08-06T21:54:00.001-05:00

So, I've been thinking recently of what it means to have a love affair with Jesus. See, I love Jesus and I have for a long time, but it's only within the last few years I have been IN love with Jesus.

I think it was, maybe, three years ago where I learned what it means to be in love with Jesus. It was the first time I really heard the voice of God (in my spirit) and he told me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. It was the first time I realized the truth of having a relationship with God and not just "he's Jesus so I worship him".

Things on and off the last three years, however, have made me doubt and/or not walk in that love relationship with Jesus. Whether it was an abusive relationship, sin or believing the lies of the enemy, I haven't always walked passionately, forever changed in a love affair with Jesus. But see, once you have experienced the LOVE of the FATHER and experienced this kind of relationship, you can't stay away long. You are radically changed. You are forever changed.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to lead the junior high ministry at my church. I was not expecting it, I was just hoping to work with students, but God had other plans. As I have been praying and preparing for our kick-off service tomorrow, I've realized how desperate I am for Jesus. I prayed today, "Jesus, I need you. I need you to take over this ministry. I need you to do what only you can and remove me from the picture, because if you don't, this will fail. If left in my strength, it will fail. Jesus, would you save souls? Would you allow the students and volunteers to have an encounter with you? And if you choose, would you use me or move me?"

See, I have realized that I am desperate for Jesus. I am desperate for the Holy Spirit to move in this ministry. I am desperate for the love of Abba to take over. I can't do this. I am incapable of doing this. I will fail if left to my own vices or my own strength. BUT God has to power to move in powerful ways that will change a generation. God has placed me in a position to make a difference in His power to change the life of a student. If one student has a love encounter with God and God chooses to save his/her life, I will forever be grateful to have been a part of it.

So that brings me back to this love affair with Jesus. If what I said is what I believe, I have had to figure out what I can do in my life to make sure I am constantly growing and pressing into the Father and making sure my relationship with Him is what it needs to be. So I will be making some changes, adding some things to my schedule and continuing to do or try new things that deepen my love and understanding of who God is. Writing will be one of them. Time in intercession corporately and privately will be another. And accountability and fellowship will be the third. I feel like right now, those are three things I need to focus on as I cry out for God to move in me and hopefully move in the junior high ministry. All that to say, stay tuned as I explore what God has for me; this will be a fun season.

To Him be the glory forever!

Redemption

2011-08-02T19:39:00.001-05:00

I don't know if I have ever fully understood the idea that God can redeem our story. You see, I grew up in church and I've heard over and over about the redemption of God over lives. Jesus died the death that we deserve and God poured out His righteousness on us instead. Before coming to a saving faith in Jesus Christ, we were enemies of God and through the redemption of Jesus, we then can have life.

I knew that as truth. I believe that as truth. But I didn't grasp fully that God can redeem our story today. However, last night I was able to share where I was this time last year.

Every Monday night I have a bible study with incredible, Godly women and through the sovereign hand of God I shared how last year I was in an abusive relationship with no confidence, identity or worth. I spoke in detail about what I endured. Now, let me share with you, I never envisioned God would use this. I didn't think God could use it. Last night, God showed me otherwise. I was able to not only relate on a deeper level with those women, but also due to my vulnerability was able to make other women comfortable with their stories, hopeful of the redemption that can come and trust that someone understands.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.
Romans 8:28-30

Oh what a beautiful promise that Paul gives in Romans. God truly does work all things (even the bad) out for good to those who love him. And not only that, but it's all so we can be "conformed to the image of his Son". What a mind-blowing promise. It's incredible to see that God really can redeem us from Hell for eternity, but can redeem our stories for today. So today, I'm thankful for my story. I'm thankful for the grace, forgiveness and redemption God has shown in my life. May I always remember to give glory back to the one who deserves it!

Sola Deo Gloria! (To God be the glory alone)

Self-Control

2011-07-31T19:24:00.001-05:00

The concept of self-control has been one I have wrestled with for some time. This is a challenging one for me. When I hear messages taught on self-control and power of the flesh it almost always has to do with sex. I think this is a great point, but if that is all you hear, the church failed to communicate the fullness of what this concept means.

Yes, remaining self-controlled over your flesh and deny the passions and lust to have sex outside the commitment of marriage. But also, remain self-controlled over your flesh and deny the passions and lust to not over-indulge with food. Remain self-controlled over your flesh and deny the passions and lust of money and the greed that comes from loving it above God. Remain self-controlled over your flesh and deny the passions and lust of hating your friend for receiving the thing you've been praying for.

Those are just the tip of the iceberg. I think in our society we hear the words passion and lust and instantly think of sex. However, those have such deeper meanings. According the dictionary.com this is what those words mean.

Passion: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, such as love or hate.
Lust: a passionate or overmastering desire or craving

I think putting those words into those terms, our mind shifts to more than just sex. For some, it's power or success while others it's alcohol. For some, it's acceptance while others it's food. For some it's sex while others it's envy. So in thinking about this, the need for self-control is needed because we each are daily pressured into some category that our flesh wants to rule. Let's look at a small list of what Paul describes as "works of the flesh".

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy,drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Galatians 5:19-21

That list is so much more than just sex and we are daily waging war about the works of the flesh in one of those areas. However, as my pastor Jason said today, the greatest word in the entire bible comes next... BUT.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

So, how do we live self-controlled in this age? By the fruit of the Spirit of God working in our lives. In and of ourselves, we cannot muster up enough control to deny our flesh, BUT through Jesus Christ and the indwelling power of His Spirit residing in us as renewed creations, we can daily walk in the self-control needed each day. And the great thing is, we not only get self-control, but the other fruit of the Spirit working in us as well. I think if you're honest with yourself, there is at least one thing, if not more, on that list from verses 22-23 that you would love to be said about you. Because of Christ, we can be known as people who exemplify those traits through the power of the Spirit of God.

Praise God I don't have to find in me those qualities, because if I did, I wouldn't find them. The bible says that no one is good (Luke 18:19), BUT GOD. But God took control of my life at my point of surrender and now I am found in Christ. To the glory of the Father.

A whole lot of nothing...

2011-07-30T14:50:00.002-05:00

It's been forever since I've actually written a post about my life. I have thought MANY times of different things I wanted to share on here, but never had a computer present to be able to do it. The funny part is, that right now I don't have anything really to share but at least wanted to say hey just in case anyone still meanders over to this blog from time to time.

What is a quick recap? Let's see, I am continuing my weigh loss journey and thus far have lost 11lbs. This is something I am very proud of. I'm, of course, not done but close than I was before. I can say, this weight loss journey has taught me so much about myself, about the Lord, about my family and about my community. That is for a blog post sometime.

What else? Well, as of August 7 I am the team leader/director/point person for the Jr. High ministry at my church. It was an unexpected position but so exciting. I feel completely inadequate and undeserving, but I wouldn't have it any other way because this keeps me 100% dependent on the Lord in all things pertaining to this ministry. I am honored and humbled that Justin would seek me out and ask.

In the midst of the 1000 things going on, those are the two biggest areas in my life right now. Again, both of those will be great blog posts at another time, but at least they are here for me to know what to write about. That is all for now. I have deactivated my FB account, so that will free up my time A LOT and maybe I'll find more inspiration to write more. I'm just glad I have this as an outlet. Until next time, have an amazing weekend!

You Are Secure As The Beloved

2011-06-29T09:58:00.001-05:00

You Are Secure As The Beloved
Deuteronomy 33:12

Hear God's Word for you in Deuteronomy 33:12. "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders."

Beloved one, get quiet, listen to this blessing, and hear the voice of love saying good things to you. You can rest in the full truth that you are your Father's beloved. The voice of your loving Father resonates in you in a deep place. He called you his beloved from eternity. Taste deeply of love, of God, and of truth. Know the treasure you are to God. You are a chosen one, a special person, noticed in your uniqueness, eternally valued. You are priceless and irreplaceable, safe in his everlasting embrace, at rest in his non-comparing love.

Increasingly be aware of your belovedness. You are precious in your Father's heart. Hear this so that you live with a stable, settled sense of true belonging. The good things you DO reveal what a beautiful person you ARE. Your real gift is not so much what you can DO as who you ARE.

Be blessed with your heavenly Father providing a safe, secure environment, without having to test him continually, fearfully asking the questions, such as "Are you still with me? Will you still be with me if...? Prove it by..." Be blessed to choose against the accuser's lies about your adequacy, identity, legitimacy, your past, present, and future. Be blessed to know that you can never be rejected or abandoned by your Father. Your loving God never leaves you alone. His love is your companion every step of the way. Be blessed with knowing his heart nurturing belonging, inclusion, and worth. Be blessed with healing of your soul's rejection wounds and the spirit abandonment wound that is deeper.

Your Father calls you to become who you are in totality: spirit, soul, and body. All your life is an opportunity to become who you are, to affirm your own true spiritual nature, to claim your unique truth, and to say "Yes" to the one who calls you the beloved. God's love is the core of your being. Discover more fully who God is and whose child you are. Your legitimacy is settled in him. Trust what he wants you to see and hear.

God has given you great gifts of inner peace, joy of living, sense of well-being, solidness and strength inside, and healing. Share your life in encouragement, hope, and trust. When you are secure, your presence is a joy to those who know you.

Receive and drive a stake in this blessing as the truth that shapes your daily life. Trust the voice of affirmation; it is persistent, strong, and deep. It will never let you go. Synchronize with the voice calling you chosen, and continually align yourself with your belovedness. Don't be pulled out of your center in your belovedness. Be blessed to be attentively present to him to see his fingerprints and feel his closeness.

Be blessed in the life and in the name of the Chosen One (Luke 23:35).

Taken from You Are Blessed In The Names of God, Blessing 23, "You Are Secure As The Beloved," page 48, © 2008 by Sylvia Gunter.

Take My Life

2011-06-24T10:11:00.002-05:00

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

You Are The Beloved

2011-06-15T08:30:00.001-05:00

You Are The Beloved
John 17:23

Hear and receive God's Word in John 17:23 NLT. "I in them and you in me, all being perfected into one. Then the world will know... and will understand that you love them as much as you love me."

At his baptism and transfiguration, your Father said to Jesus, "You are the Son I love. I am well pleased with you" (Mat. 3:17; 17:5). It was a great affirmation of his love and pleasure in his Son. Because you are in Him, the Father loves you with the same love (John 17:23,26). You are God's beloved; that is the most intimate truth about you. It has to be true, because Jesus said it to his Father.

Spirit, let these words reverberate in every cell. Be blessed to live from the blessing of belovedness, not trying to earn it. Hear your Father speak to you about his deep bonds with you, his deep attachment to you with cords of unfailing love (Jer. 31:3; Hos. 11:4). Hear him speak to you about trust, faith, and love that is much deeper than your mindset of survival. Hear him speak to you about your deepest yearnings, your wishes, your hopes, and your dreams.

Spirit, hear the soft voice of your Father speaking in the core of your essence: you are the beloved. On you his favor rests. He sees you as a precious being. You are welcome to exist. God celebrates your existence. Be blessed to know how you were infinitely loved before you were wounded. That's the truth of your life. There is no burden on you to prove you are worthy of being loved, of being heard, of being respected and honored and given dignity. Your life is an unceasing "yes" to the truth that you are beloved because of God's great love. In him you deserve to be valued.

Receive the different tones in which others say that to you, but always remember that it is your spirit connection with your Father that matters most. People do not give you your legitimacy. True legitimacy comes from the One who chose you with everlasting love. Your Father says, "I called you by name from the very beginning. You belong to me, and I know you as my own, and I am yours. You know me as your own true Father. I molded you in your mother's womb. I carved you in the palms of my Son. I hide you in the shadow of my embrace. You have my infinite tenderness, and I care for you intimately. I have counted every hair on your head, and wherever you go, I go with you. Wherever you rest, I keep watch. I give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will never hide my face from you. Nothing will ever separate us. Wherever you are, I am. Live your life as my redeemed child. You can reach out to true inner freedom and find it ever more fully."

That's the message of your life... you are chosen, and you are beloved. It's your sacred romance. Say "Yes" to your belovedness, your significance, your worth, and your belonging. His "Yes" is engraved on your heart. Rise up to your full stature and discover how to fulfill your deepest essence of who you are, beloved in God your Father and kept in his Son. You are accepted in the Beloved (Eph. 1:6 NKJV).

Be blessed in the name of the Beloved Son (Mat. 3:17 NKJV).

Taken from You Are Blessed In The Names of God, Blessing 22, "You Are The Beloved," page 47, © 2008 by Sylvia Gunter.

I Will Wait For You

2011-04-26T21:59:00.006-05:00

My prayers, my thoughts and my desires beautifully laid out in poem. Watch!
(Transcript below the video)

"I Will Wait For You"

So it seemed that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me. So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him. Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser and a thief; so why was I surprised when he broke into my heart. I called 9-1-1 but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting because it was me who let him in; claiming we were “just friends”. It was already decided for me by the first date that even if he wasn’t I was gonna make him “the one”. You know I was tired of being alone and I simply made up my mind that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride. A virgin in the physical but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat who was tired of the wait, so I was gonna make him “the one”. He had a form of godliness but not much. But hey, hey I can change him so I’ll take him. I mean, he’s close … enough. Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter not knowing the value of its “used to be”. Arteries so clogged with my will it blocked His will from flowing through me. So I thank Christ that his blood pressure gave this heart an attack that flat lined my obscure vision, put me flat on my back. Through my ignorance he saw, so through my sternum he sawed, cracked open my chest and transplant Psalm 51:10. A new heart and a renewed right spirit within so now I fully understand, better yet, I thoroughly comprehend how much I need to wait for you.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning. Cause in the beginning was the Word and he didn’t even sound or shine like your Son. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and all he could whisper were sweet, empty nothings. Which meant nothing. He couldn’t even pray what I needed him too. Asking him to fast would be absurd, so forget about being cleansed and washed with water through word. But I know you. You’re already praying for me. Even having never met me let me assure you, I will wait for you. I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you to appease my boredom or to quench my thirsty desire for attention and short lived compliments from sorta-kindas. You know, “he’s sorta kinda right but sorta kinda wrong.” His first name Luke; his last name Warm. I won’t settle for false companionship. I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms. Attempting to find some closeness but never feeling so far apart because “I just wanna be held.” “Cause all I gotta do is say… NO!” No more almost sessions of almost coming close, passing winks and buying drinks and “I’m a… I’m a… I’m a… flirt.” Who flirts with the idealogy of “can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved.” No more. I’ll stay in my bed…alone… and write poems about how I will wait for you. He won’t even come close. Our fingers won’t even interlock. We won’t even exchange breath because I have thoughts that I’ve saved as in a file God has only equipped you to open. I will no longer get weighed down from so called friends and family talks about the concern for my biological clock when I serve the Author of time. Who is not subject to time but I’m subject to Him. He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause or rewind at any given time so if we could role play you would Abraham and I would be Sarah. Or you could be Issac and I could be Rebekah, a servants answered prayer. I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, made up of your rib Adam. And once we meet, like electrons I will be bound to your nucleus completely indivisible… atom. We even speak the same math. 1+1+1=3 which really equals 1 if you add ‘em.

We were all created in His image, but you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the Son and if I were to explain what you looked like you would have to look like a star, a Son of the Son. I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me. I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis. I await your revelation but once again from the genesis I will wait for you. And I will know you, because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom. Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses. Your faith will remind me of Abraham. Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel. Your inspiration will remind me of Paul. Your heart for God will remind me of David. Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah. Your integrity will remind me of Joseph. And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples. But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ. But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks because His Word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me. Where the boldness of Esther meets the warm, closeness of Ruth with the hospitality of Lydia as aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31 waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth only if you should see fit. I desire Your will above mine so even if you call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with You the one who is sent. You are the greatest love story ever told. The greatest love ever known. You are forever my judge and I’m forever your witness. And I pray that I am always found on a mission about my Father’s business. I will always be yours and I will always wait for You, Lord. More than the watchmen wait for the morning. More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I… will… wait.

Grin Idiotically

2011-03-11T09:15:00.002-06:00

Someone posted this on "the city" where I work and I thought this was SO dead on... I hope they don't mind me relaying this to you.
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“The oddest thing in the world … is a cheerless Christian.” That’s what the article from The Anglican Digest said. And why is that so? Because the Bible says:

“There is … now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” We of all people have been set free from the weight of sin and death!

My sister sent me the article because she’s a lay reader and her church, and she says when she reads a Scripture like that, she wonders why people don’t break into cheers, or at least sit there and grin idiotically.

Then last night at my church’s Ash Wednesday service, our Pastor Alan preached on Colossians 1:21-22, which says, “You, who once were … enemies … yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight.”

What do you know? Cheers and shouts of praise broke out! Yes! We are redeemed! And as the officiant marked the ashes on my forehead, he said, “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ…” My heart leapt inside my chest, seriously, I must have been grinning idiotically, and thank God the next step was to kneel before the cross, because I could hardly have stood.

Even this morning, in my time with Jesus, I was telling Him about it and confessed the possibility that all I could do today was grin at Him idiotically, and He seemed to say that was fine — it’s what people in love do some times.

So why not spend a few minutes grinning in idiotic gratitude at the Savior today, and realize He’s grinning idiotically back at you. Because He loves you!
-Jax Hill

Top 10 Ways Not To Hear From God

2011-03-02T08:12:00.002-06:00

Top 10 Ways Not To Hear From God

1. Take no time for margins in your life. Fill your life with so much activity that there is no room to "Be still, cease striving, and know that I am God" (Ps 46:10). When we live in the tyranny of the urgent, we can be so busy that two-way conversation with God is not a priority.

2. Don't admit that you have any needs. Be so self-sufficient that you don't need a prayer base. We all need personal intercessors. Yet, as I ask most Christian leaders if they have a prayer base as a necessity of their life and ministry, they reply blankly, "Uh... no."

3. Respond to every need as if you are the only one who can fix it. Jesus did not respond to every need. From our people-pleasing natures, it is not easy to see that every need is not our call. Our valid call is only from God, not from the pleading voices around us.

4. Don't ask God any questions. People have questions, and they will look for the answers somewhere: psychics, self-help books, friends, talk-radio shows, the internet, etc. Only God is the source of eternal Truth. He is available for our questions, toll-free, unlimited access.

5. Be so exhausted that your physical, mental, and emotional fatigue cries out to be satisfied louder than the still, small voice of God. To hear from God, we must take adequate time off to get much-needed rest and refreshment. Burned out, we are no good to ourselves or anybody else, much less to God.

6. Completely ignore the Person and work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit speaks words of truth and comfort and enables us to grow in spiritual awareness. By slighting His work and failing to rely on Him, we short-change our ability to hear from God.

7. Insist that God must conform to your comfort zone. Be so comfortable that if God did speak, it would upset your status quo. Self-satisfaction kills our hunger to hear from God. So does lack of vision that there's more beyond where we are. When we are busy perpetuating a personal agenda, we will not hear the voice of God, especially if it means change.

8. Be religious. "Religion" is characterized by tunnel vision that thinks it has all the answers. Religion does not deepen us in the grace of God. Look at the Pharisees. They were preoccupied with keeping every jot and tittle of the law. Jesus called them whited sepulchres, full of dead men's bones. They kept a form of godliness and missed God walking among them. God calls us to cultivate a living relationship in intimacy with Him at all costs.

9. Be ignorant of the warfare. We must not see only the surface of things. We are not fighting flesh and blood but unseen spiritual battles (Eph 6:12-13). Paul instructed us not to wage war on the horizontal level as the world does. The informed and armed soldier overcomes everything that sets itself up against the righteousness, peace, and joy of the kingdom of God (2 Cor 10:3-5, Rom 14:17).

10. Tolerate unconfessed sin in your life. The psalmist said, "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened" (Ps 66:18). Our sin and flesh must not be allowed to dominate so loudly that they drown out God. We must draw near God with a clean conscience (Heb 10:22).

Follow the example of Jesus, who often slipped away from the crowds to spend time with the quiet loving voice of his Father.

For more reasons why we don't hear God, see Prayer Essentials For Living In His Presence, Vol 2, page 55-58. © Sylvia Gunter 2000. Available at www.thefathersbusiness.com

Gift? Or Curse?

2011-02-24T08:12:00.003-06:00

So, I've recently been thinking about my life. This is not a totally unusual thing, but I've come to a conclusion. Now, I can't go into a lot of detail right now, but I wanted to touch on it a bit.

So, if you know me or even have kept up with this blog much, you know that I have a ridiculously strong desire to be married. I feel (and believe my pastor, Jason, has confirmed through his recent sermons) that my role, the thing I was created for, was to be a helper/partner/wife to a God-fearing man and should God allow, to raise children to be Godly men and women both roles for furthering the gospel.

That being said, I had an epiphany this morning driving to work and praying. I'm praying this season I find myself in (singleness) is shorter lived that it has been (25 years), however, at this moment I don't want to seek or focus on a relationship.

Context: Paul says over and over in scripture that singleness or marriage is a GIFT. In our society, especially in Christian single women, we feel like singleness is part of the curse. This however is not at all true. We discussed in my CG (community group) last week about the way we, as singles, view our present state. We didn't vocalize much because I think if we were all gut-level honest, we wouldn't say we see singleness as a gift. This morning however, I realized otherwise.

I have a friend who is walking through some tough times right now. It seems like, whether in large or small ways, she is being hit personally, professionally, physically and emotionally. When I talked to her, I was able to let her have an outlet to process but then was able to prayer with/for/over her. I don't know what it meant to her, but I know it lit a fire in me. (Prayer always seems to do that to me.) As I processed that encounter this morning, I realized that being single, I have such a greater ability to minister to others. This is not something that would go away by ANY means once I get married, but I will be more limited.

Right now, my hearts desire is to encourage single men when I see them being Godly, strong leaders and pursuing God with a pure heart. I think that most single men do not get the encouragement when they DO step up as men. The "feminist" movement has made men to be weak, lazy, foolish figures who are a detriment to the woman's independence. We see it in commercials and TV shows often. The thing is, especially because of those things, people harp on men and point out when they act in that "weak, lazy, foolish" role and hardly ever point out when they do things right. When they lead, submit, serve well. So as long as the Lord wills, I want to make a point to encourage men to be men.

This is not always received from a grateful heart. I have had it seen as I'm "hitting on" them. This is a great battle for me, because when I do encourage a brother in Christ, I am extra careful to go before the Lord before I open my mouth to make sure it is from a pure heart. Now, the man or those watching are not aware of how much time I spend with the Lord before I do this. However, I have to trust that God knows my heart, motive and intent on doing it.

All this to say, if I was married, I would not be able to operate in this capacity (encouraging Godly men to BE Godly men) so as long as I am single I will embrace this as a gift and try to be a faithful steward of my gifting and passion (prayer and encouragement). I am hoping to start viewing this seasons, however long the Lord so has me here, to be a gift and not take for granted the ministry opportunities before me.

Puts a lot of things in perspective...Please pray

2011-02-22T12:34:00.000-06:00

Pray for Sayed Musa: Afghan Christian Set to Be Hanged within Days?

Waiting for my life to begin...

2011-02-15T21:27:00.001-06:00

I feel like I am always waiting on my life to begin. Like I am 25 and my life is no different than it was 10 years ago. Sure, that is not entirely true especially given the fact that I am now living on my own, but only 1.5 months ago, that wasn’t the case. Just replace school with work and there you go.

I hate living this way. I have had moments of grandeur, but never (what I feel) is life altering. I always fall back into the rut. I always end up wondering if there is more out there for me. I ask and pray hoping that this is not the extent of what my life will be.

I have recently been pondering the idea of going to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) in Redding, CA. There is so much appealing about it and most important, it was be a 100% new start and what could be the beginning of my life. As my friend Christi put it, “you don’t hear 80 year olds talking about the time in their 20’s they sold everything and moved to California as the most horrible, awful and worst decision ever. No, that is when they say their life began.” That thought is so appealing.

I am wresting, praying, and talking to many people about this decision. 97% of the people I talk to about it are telling me to abandon it all and take the leap of faith. To throw caution to the wind and go for it. However, that 3% that is more concerned (not saying no, just concerned) are the 3% who know me the best. The people who know me inside and out. The people who probably know me better than I know myself. Because of that, I am extremely unsure of what to do. I am heeding their warnings and as my truly amazing best friend pointed out, I start getting in a groove somewhere and feel myself getting in a rut and want to run to the next adventure hoping it will be the one instead of just pressing into the moment and seeing if there is an adventure waiting around the corner I’m not giving time to develop.

So I have to think; maybe God has kept me in an area I loath (rich, Christian bubble), “going through the motions” because there is an undiscovered adventure waiting. Maybe my life isn’t going to be able the HUGE moments, but living in the little ones. Maybe I need to start embracing the life I’m living and look for the little victories, the little journeys and the little moments where my life is currently happening.

See, that sounds so simple. That sounds like such a great answer. It is just executing that into every day monotony that is the problem. My life is wake up, get coffee, go to work, come home and going through the typical routine of evening (Monday: Rachel comes over, Tuesday: babysit the twins, Wednesday: community group, etc), come home, shower, sleep and repeat. How do I find the adventure in those moments. My life is very structured. I am mildly OCD in that. I like to have a plan, I like to a schedule and I like routine; but those are the things I get so frustrated with. This is the shell I can’t break out of.

I do know, I want to celebrate the little victories more often. In fact, my two (2) goals for the next year (that I really hope to accomplish) is:

1. Get out of debt
2. Reach my goal weight

Within the next three (3) years, I hope to be in a house. My own house. In a perfect world it will be with a husband, but at this moment, today, I’m not seeing that happening, so I will be satisfied even if it’s just me.

I am just rambling at this point. I just know, I am tired of waiting on life to start. *sigh*

He Rose

2011-02-14T13:19:00.003-06:00

This song has been on my mind and I’ve been singing it all week. What a great reminder as Christians that through Christ's death and resurrection that we have been redeemed, set free from sin and now this world holds no power over us! Enjoy!

A prophecy foretold
A King born unto man
A love the world had never known
But He was crucifed

But on the third day, He rose again
That’s when the meaning of my life began

He rose, Jesus He rose
My life’s been forgiven
This world holds no power
He rose, Jesus He rose
My life’s been redeemed
This prisoner’s set free
Death where’s your sting?
He rose

Death made into life
I have been made new
I’m no longer bound by sin or shame
It was crucified with you

Scorned and broken He was nailed to a tree
Crushed to bring God glory, and set the sinner free
Death was beaten, Satan seized of all his power
Hallelujah, Jesus won the victory

-Jeff Johnson "He Rose" (Glorious Day)

To my beloved child

2011-02-09T08:23:00.002-06:00

My Beloved Child,
I am writing you today to let you know I am thinking of you. Actually, I am always thinking of you, because you are the apple of my eye. I created you unique and special. There has never been anyone else in the history of the world like you, and there never will be again. You are perfectly accepted in my beloved Son. You are never alone. You are hidden under the shadow of my wings. As you start your day today, I want to remind you that you are who you are because of who I am.

You are secure.
Deut. 33:12 Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long...
I am your defender and defense.
Zech. 9:15 NKJV The LORD of hosts will defend them.

Your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Col. 3:3 ... your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
I am your hiding place.
Ps. 32:7 You are my hiding place...

You are lifted out of the depths.
Ps. 30:1 You lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
I am your burden-bearer.
Matt. 11:30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

You are clean.
John 15:3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
The blood of the Lamb cleanses you from sin.
1 John 1:7b The blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

You are refined by fire.
1 Peter 1:6-7 ... your faith is of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire...
I am your God, a consuming fire.
Heb. 12:29 Our God is a consuming fire.

You are my handiwork.
Eph. 2:10 We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus...
I am your Creator.
Ecc. 12:1 Remember your Creator in the days of your youth...

You are encouraged.
2 Thes. 2:16-17 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts...
I am your comforter.
Is. 51:12 I, even I, am he who comforts you.

You have a place prepared.
John 14:2-3 In my Father's house are many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you. I am your dwelling place through all generations.
Ps. 90:1 Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations.

You are a friend of God.
John 15:15 I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
I am your friend.
John 15:14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

You have rest in me.
Mat. 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ... you will find rest for your souls."
I am God of stillness.
Ps. 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.

You know all things work for good.
Rom. 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God...
I am good.
Ps. 100:5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever...

You abide in the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
2 Cor. 13:14 May the...fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.
I am the Holy Spirit.
Eph. 2:13 You were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit.

You are mine.
Is. 43:1 Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
I am the I AM.
Ex. 3:14 "I AM WHO I AM ... say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

You are an heir of all things.
Gal. 4:7 So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir.
I am your inheritance.
Eph. 1:11 In Him also we have obtained an inheritance...

You are not lacking wisdom.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally... and it will be given to him.
I am your teacher.
Ps. 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go...

Your days are ordained by me.
Ps. 139:16 Every day ordained for me were recorded in your book before one of them came to be.
I am the keeper of your times.
Ps. 31:15 My times are in your hands...

With love from your Abba

All I Have Is Christ

2011-01-20T08:25:00.000-06:00

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me
Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

All I Have Is Christ from Sovereign Grace Ministries on Vimeo.

Medication?

2011-01-19T21:48:00.005-06:00

Isn't it funny how (at least for me) I can go times where I feel I have nothing to say and then others where I feel like so many things (mainly songs) echo the cries of my heart and I want to share. Music has been the words that I can't seem to say recently. Sorry I haven't written more than those lyrics but I feel like they have summed up so much. Today, however, I am convicted of a truth I want to share to hopefully encourage you in case you are in this same place.

If you've been following my blog at all, you know that back in September/October I ended a relationship that was supposed to go on to marriage. In the months since that time, God has confirmed that it was/is best that it ended, however the struggle, the hurt and the emotions don't end overnight. I have been in a constant battle fighting to reclaim the person I was before I lost so much of myself for this relationship. In a post a few months back I posted that there was positive to that relationship and I still believe that. However, through introspection/prayer I have seen that there was equally as much bad going on.

I longed for a marriage relationship so badly that I was willing to lose my identity to fit into the mold this man wanted me to be. I went from strong, confident and sure to insecure, weak and quiet. When I would find strength to walk within my gifting and/or personality, it would produce a fight. Due to that, overtime I just stopped trying in order to save a fight. This man was a interim pastor and bible student, so my daily time with the Lord cease to be and I became dependent on him to feed me spiritually because I had believed the lie that I knew nothing when it came to scripture. When I would pray (which is where I feel the most free, confident and bold), I would hear discussions on how he didn't have the kind of faith I did. Instead of seeing this as a compliment, it was a put down and made me feel guilty for making him feel that way.

Now, I am not trying to paint a negative picture of this man. In fact, if you read my post "Remembering and Dreaming" then you can see some of the good. It is not all false and truly was how I was feeling, but I was unable to look at it objectively at the time. Once again, I am not trying to make this man look bad, but I wanted to give you a tiny glimpse into what I have been processing through.

With that being said, there is a Ross King song (lyrics at the end of the post) that I feel like aptly describes what I've been doing until recently. I have found medication in so many things, even some "good" things, trying to heal from what I had been through. I sought out so many things to numb the pain, but never realized instead of alcohol, drugs or sex (the stereo-typical medication people think of) that serving at church, food/coffee, and community would be just a distracting. I am a picture of medicating with "good" things and missing out on Christ. It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that this clicked and have been trying to remedy. I am wanting to not only realize this is happening, but repent and turn from the medication and turn TO Christ.

So my encouragement to you; if you are struggling, is take a step back and look at your life. Are you medicating with Christ and the healing/redemptive power of the Spirit? Or are you one of the people in the song below? Turn to Christ. Psalm 147:3 promises that "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Find strength through the finished work of Jesus on the cross.
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A pot of coffee starts his day off right
A cigarette at 10 and 3
A drink or two will get him through the night
It’s simple chemistry

She is a whirlwind of activity
She rarely finds the time to rest
Never too much responsibility
That’s when she’s at her best

Everybody medicates, everybody medicates
And most of us will suffocate beneath the weight
Everybody medicates unless the church becomes a place
Where we are safe and free to say that we’re not OK

He is successful in his line of work
He’s clocking sixty hours a week
He is a leader in his local church
And everybody sees

She’s flipping through the fashion magazines
Before she heads out to the mall
She’s searching for a new identity
Seems like she’s tried them all

Everybody medicates, everybody medicates
And most of us will suffocate beneath the weight
Everybody medicates unless the church becomes a place
Where we are safe and free to say that we’re not OK

One tree
That’s all He keeps from us
And somehow it is driving us insane
Fig leaves have never been enough
To cover up our nakedness and shame
Who are we fooling with this game?

She skips a meal or two and no one knows
It’s been this way for quite a while
She’s finally fitting into last year’s clothes
Too bad they’re out of style

He looks at pictures on the internet
He needs it much more than he should
He’s so surprised no one has caught him yet
He wishes someone would

Everybody medicates, everybody medicates
And most of us will suffocate beneath the weight
Everybody medicates unless the church becomes a place
Where we are safe and free to say that we’re not OK

- Ross King "Everybody Medicates" (Perhaps I've Said Too Much)

This is True Life

2011-01-19T08:33:00.005-06:00

Oh, the peace of pure abandon
Oh, the joy of sweet surrender

‘Cause if I try to save my life I will lose it
But if I lose my life for Your sake
I’ll find it in the end, I’ll find it in the end
(This is true life / Give it all away)

I have to give You everything
And then the yoke is easy
I have to give You everything
And then the burden is so light

Oh, the peace of pure abandon
Oh, the joy of sweet surrender

‘Cause if I try to save my life I will lose it
But if I lose my life for Your sake
I’ll find it in the end, I’ll find it in the end

Happy holiness
Joyful righteousness
Happy holiness
(Life is found in the letting go
Joy is found in the tearing of the heart)

-Justin Rizzo "This is True Life" (Found Faithful)
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In the healing process for me the last few months, this song has been my anthem. A great prayer/reminder of what I'm looking for in Christ.

Beauty of the Cross

2011-01-10T09:03:00.002-06:00

At the cross I find the beauty of the your matchless grace
At the cross I see a King who died to take my place
Its the moment that you made me clean and pardoned my soul

Amazing grace that I would be alive unto Your throne
Not by my own will but solely by Your will alone
I'm unworthy of this love you are showing to me
I see my desperate need

The beauty of the cross is that there's one who has redeemed my soul
The beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go
The beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

Not by my own words that I may boast or I may come
But simply through your Son the sinless and Exalted One
Only through the cross am I made clean to draw near to you

Saved so that you would receive all glory due Your name
Everlasting God from age to age you never change
A true love story remains for all eternity
That all the world would see

My sinful soul could only be
Redeemed by the blood of a sinless King
So you came to the world that You had made
Conquered sin on the cross and you rose from the grave

-Jeff Johnson "Beauty of the Cross" (Amazed)

Lose Again

2010-12-24T08:47:00.002-06:00

As I look over my year, I think the song belows sums it up!!
=====
You ruined me;
You took away my dreams;
You did exactly what I wasn't hoping for.
You changed the end--
Now I'm confused about the means;
You make me feel as if my prayers have been ignored.

I'm falling up this mountain--
I'm rising down to freedom.

This is not how
I would have chosen it to end.
It makes it hard to see you as a friend.
But where would we be now,
if you had let me win?
Hallelujah, I lose again.

You got your way.
It must be nice
to never have to choose your battles,
knowing you can always win.
I tried to fight.
I'm so pathetic,
I thought I was standing strong,
when I was kneeling to my sin.

You sure don't make this easy--
You break my will to free me.

In everything you do,
There is less of me,
There is more of you.
In everything you do,
There is death to lies
by the sword of truth.

But I'm not always ready,
I'm not always ready,
I'm not always ready,
For what you put me through.

- Ross King "Lose Again" (And all the decorations too)

An Invitation To Reckless Abandon

2010-12-22T07:57:00.001-06:00

I found this interesting and encouraging. Hope it blesses you today!

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Christmas: An Invitation To Reckless Abandon

For those of us who grew up celebrating the birth of Jesus, the Christmas story can become too familiar. It easily slips from a story of awe to simple facts of history. We rattle off these events, such as Mary gave birth to Jesus and then the shepherds and wise men came to see him, with the same ease that we describe what we did last weekend. When you stop to really consider it, the story of Christmas is anything but normal. It is absurd. It is full of biological impossibility, strained family dynamics, emotional turmoil, supernatural encounters, a failed assassination attempt, and people asked to do the craziest things.

This is an invitation to deeply experience the Christmas story.

How would you feel if God told you that you are bearing his Son? Feel the fear of telling your fiance and parents that you are pregnant, and Joseph is not the father. Sense the shame as the village whispers about you. Imagine the weight of knowing you are carrying God's son, hoping that you don't mess the whole thing up.

Put yourself in Joseph's shoes. How would you feel if your beloved comes to you and says she is pregnant and you know that the baby is not yours? Feel the betrayal, rejection, and heartbreak of Joseph, based on the wrong conclusions about Mary until God sends the angel who straightens things out.

How would you feel on a ordinary night at work taking care of your sheep if an angel of the Lord showed up to say "Drop what you are doing and go"? Feel the fear of such a supernatural event, followed by the doubt that creeps in to say, "Did I make that up?" What about leaving the sheep which are your sole source of income? Sense the wonder, fear, uncertainty, and hope of the shepherds as they come to meet their Savior.

What if you were one of the servants in the entourage of the magi? You are following your master who is basing his journey on a star. It is not a short journey either. It was weeks, months, maybe even years before you arrive at your final destination. How long would you keep walking to a place you don't know to met a person no one else seems to know about with only a star as a guide?

Then as the story continues, when is the last time you had a dream that you woke up from and knew that you, your wife, and child were to leave immediately to live in a foreign country? What was that discussion like? Would you leave friends and family behind based solely on a dream your spouse had to go to Egypt?

The story is full of one crazy event after another. Beyond recording the details of Jesus' birth, the Christmas story reveals to us the otherness of God and how he longs to partner with big-spirited people to do the impossible. His reality is so much greater than ours. While we are thinking about getting married and settling down with a family in our hometown, he is planning to partner with us to fulfill his plan for the world.

The joy of this season is that with each twist and turn in the story God finds people who choose to live from their spirit and follow when they are challenged to believe what they have not seen and do what they have never done before. That is the adventure he is calling each of us to live.

This Christmas marvel at the outrageous and awesome lengths to which God the Father will go to give you the perfect gift.

Give him the gift of the same reckless abandon of the shepherds and the magi to pursue and follow your King Jesus.

May your spirit be so large and in tune with the Holy Spirit that when God shows up in the middle of your ordinary day with an extraordinary plan, you are ready to follow him regardless of how absurd it might sound.

And for 2011 open your heart to God-size dreams. Wait expectantly for God-sized visions, and don't be surprised as he does exceedingly abundantly more than you can ask or imagine.

© 2010 Elizabeth G. Wallace

My Beloved

2010-12-09T08:29:00.003-06:00

You're My Beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're Beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your care down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength

I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole

You're My beloved
You're My Bride
To sing over you is my delight
Come away with me my love

-Kari Jobe "My Beloved" (Self Titled)
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This song has been ministering to my heart this morning. I am continuously reminded of Zephaniah 3:17 and the beautiful picture of the overflowing love that Abba has. "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."

Those are the words I am resting in today. That is where I am meditating. Lord, please let that truth permeate through me today.

Blog Worthy

2010-12-08T09:42:00.003-06:00

Two major things happen to me yesterday that are blog worthy. One may seem minor and one major, but both are equally as important to me.

The first one, I was told yesterday that my co-worker Robin saw abundant joy in me. Now, this may seem minor to you out there in blog world, but this is HUGE for me. In the span of my relationship with Lucas I lost A LOT of my joy. I didn't realize it was happening. I went from an overly joyful person to constant depression. This has been my prayer that the JOY of the Lord would be my strength and the anthem of my life. I have been really down on myself, because I have truly felt like I had no joy. So when Robin told me that yesterday, I could not have been more happy. The fact that the joy of the Lord is again a definition of my life and demeanor, I couldn't be more thrilled.

The second one, I put a deposit on my first apartment last night! This is a huge step for me towards being truly independent. Aside from when I've been in Africa, I have never been anywhere without one of my family members presents (camps, mission trips, vacations) and so to have my own place is a big deal. I will hopefully be moving my stuff in sometime in the next 2-3 weeks.

God is doing something! Thank you Lord!

Operation Mind Renewal

2010-12-07T08:23:00.005-06:00

I have been in an unbelievable battle with my mind lately. I feel like I have fought a range of emotions in the last 1.5-2 weeks; few of which are holy. I am in desperate need of God to work a miracle. So... for the next however many days it takes, I am on mission. I will be intentional.

The plan? Each day after work (because, well, I still have to work) I will isolate myself with God and seek his face until he reveals himself anew to me. I will be armed with scripture, a journal (and pen, of course) and a strategically mixed worship CD that will keep my focus on Christ and not on me. I don't know how long this will take, but it's time I actually fight this battle. Praise God that I'm starting from a place of victory though.

Lord, I ask you to renew my heart and mind. I need a fresh touch from you. New revelation of who you are. Teach me. Convict me. Break me for your glory. Restore me. Revive me.

I Cannot Ignore

2010-12-06T14:10:00.000-06:00

My confidence is not upon the merit of my flesh.
My righteousness comes from God alone.
My standing is based upon the bruising of the Son.
My boasting glories in the one who died upon the tree.

I cannot ignore the cross of Jesus.
I cannot ignore its scandalous embrace.
I cannot ignore it; I cannot ignore the cross.
I cannot ignore its call upon my life.

Sisters

2010-12-06T10:46:00.004-06:00

You know, sometimes you come across those people in your life that you become instant friend with. Now, I am somebody who never meets a stranger. I can become friends with anyone. I love people and hearing their stories, but I am a rather guarded person. I allow people in, but only to a point. I struggle with being truly vulnerable with others and showing them my "ugly". And to be honest, the last person I was truly vulnerable and open with was Lucas and I ended up hurt deeper than I've ever been before and still struggle with that pain at times. Sadly, that has made me just as guarded.

This season, however, God is placing women in my life who want to pour into my brokenness. Women who can encourage me and walk beside me to healing. Women who I can trust and be open with. Women who love so deeply. This is probably the first time in my life, I have more close women in my life than men. Please hear me, I love it! I am so thankful for the precious ladies God is using around me to minister to me and minister with me.

Thank you God that even when I feel like I'm so alone and my "ugly" is just too much to love, that you have placed sisters in faith around me to rebuke those lies. Thank you for the way you are healing my heart and building bonds deeper than the hurt. May you be glorfied in every relationship.

To Know Your Name

2010-11-08T21:47:00.001-06:00

This is a good summary of how I feel today!! Enjoy!

Better days

2010-11-01T19:14:00.003-06:00

So my dear, sweet, amazing friend Francoise wrote tonight in a text message to me words that keep things in perspective and give me a lot to praise God for.

"Only by God's grace do you have any mercy in you right now. Otherwise someone is dead right now. Praise God for a heart change. Praise God for actively drawing your attention to His kingdom. Praise God for pursuing you and loving you unconditionally. Praise God for romancing you with his truths and his words. Praise God for mending your broken heart and changing you for the better! :)"

You want to talk about keeping this in right perspective. That is a lot to praise God for.

I'm good today. As I said last night, I am choosing to turn the page. This is not an easy thing to do. In fact, without the grace of God, I wouldn't be able too. But... "praise God for a heart change." I'm moving forward and that is such a good feeling. I'm pressing on and looking for brighter days. I'm realizing the hope found in every sunrise and the chance for another day. I'm thankful that his mercy is new every morning.

Today, I'm thanking God for better days ahead!

Second chance... again

2010-10-31T20:57:00.004-06:00

I'm still so overwhelmed that God has given me the grace for second chances. This season has been one of the hardest I've been in to date. I am not the same woman I was a year ago. I'm not even the same person I was six months ago. I have faced trial after trial, some walking away victorious; while others I walked away feeling defeated. I have experienced some of the deepest hurt and darkest nights. On one hand I would give it all back in an instant to never have to feel this way again; on the other hand I know God is perfecting me slowly into a better image of His Son.

Today, I'm standing at a crossroads in almost every area of my life. Some steps I have taken in spontaneous faith while others I am slowly navigating and seeking the face of God for direction. Am I confident that every decision is the right one? No, but I am confident that God really does "work all things together for good to those who love him and are called according to His purposes." I am looking at each one as a chance to grow deeper in faith and trust while watching God orchestrate my life into a beautiful symphony. I will make wise choices and foolish ones. I will make mistakes and take great strides. And I am walking confidently knowing that every decision comes with support, love and grace from my family and close friends. I have seen it proven so much in this season that even in my failures they are by my side to walk this out with me.

I am choosing today to turn the page into a new chapter of my life. Wrestling with the desire to look back but instead choosing to fix my eyes on the prize, the author and perfecter of my faith. To run with endurance the race set before me.

Eternity

2010-10-29T15:30:00.001-05:00

More Beautiful

2010-10-28T20:57:00.001-05:00

Tonight I am seeking some comfort in this amazing song my good friend TK wrote and sent to me.
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Yesterday, the world said you’re worth it
Today it says you're not worth the time
Yesterday, the world said you matter
Today it says you're not worth a dime

You are more beautiful than you know
More beautiful than diamonds and pearls

Yesterday, you walked the world with assurance
Today, you don't even leave home
Yesterday, the world said you're perfect
Today it says there's nothing beautiful in you

You are more beautiful than you know
More beautiful than diamonds and pearls

He gave up everything
Became a poor man for our sins
That makes you beautiful
That makes you beautiful

He gave His life on the cross
His blood was shed to make us whole
That makes you beautiful
That makes you beautiful

-Ayanda Khumalo "More Beautiful" (CD in progress)

Wounds

2010-10-28T14:07:00.004-05:00

What do you do with the tears that stream down your face? You've tried it all and they just keep coming. You don't know how to make them stop.

This week is a struggle. You're not as strong as you once thought. You thought you could do it and make it by unharmed; however, you're realizing it's not working. You are hurt. You're being told it's okay and expected; but wounds this deep are new to you.

You let your guard down. You became vulnerable. You offered your heart. How do you get that back? Can life offer a re-do? How do you move forward? They already have, so now it's your turn.

God is faithful. This is a truth believed to the core. You've seen it prove true time and again. Keep clinging to that. It won't steer you the wrong way.

God loves you. Not just because the Bible says so. You are precious to him. He delights in you. He understands your pain. Run to him. He alone can heal you.

Off to the Altar of God

2010-10-27T22:05:00.002-05:00

Why are you downcast, oh my soul
Why so disturbed within me
I put my hope in God
For I will yet praise him
My Savior and my Lord

Send your light and your truth
Let them guide me
Through the night its your song
That will find me
Lead me to your holy mountain
Lead me to your dwelling place

And I will go to the altar of God
My joy and my delight
I will praise you with all my heart
I will go to the altar of God
My song through the night
I will praise you with all my heart

My God you are my stronghold
Why have you rejected me
Why must I mourn the oppression of my enemies
Vindicate me, Lord
Rescue me from wickedness, oh

- Josh Bates "Altar of God" (Glory Revealed)
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As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me for I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence, my God. My soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The LORD will command His loving kindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life. I will say to God my rock, "Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, while they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.
- Psalm 42

Remembering and Dreaming

2010-10-25T19:16:00.003-05:00

So, I've been thinking a lot recently about my relationship with Lucas, my hopes and dreams of my husband to come and looked at engaged/married friends. This post may be a bit honest and I hope you can read it without judgment. I am just expressing the thoughts in my head. Some will be working through my emotions, others will be dreaming of my future.

"Wash her in the word." This is a phrase I've heard so many times, and heard at a wedding a few weeks ago. However, I don't know where in scripture it talks about a husband washing his wife in the word. So, you bible scholars that read this, I need your help. Without the scriptural reference however, I have thought about what this means and looks like as I've heard it described. At the wedding of two dear and precious friends of mine, one of the "vows" that man took was to wash his bride in scripture every night, to pray over her, to read scripture to her and with her and nurture her and guide her through scripture. I have started thinking about how badly I want that. Let me say, Lucas did well in a lot of this. He taught me a lot about scripture and we talked about it in every conversation. He would share with me what he was learning and encouraged me to dig deeper. It was something I cherish so much and will always hold onto. One thing that I long for though is more praying over. I connect with God through prayer and I feel closest to those around me when I can engage in prayer with them. I feel like prayer can be a very bonding thing and it is something I want more of in my next relationship. I know I am gifted in prayer, I love it so much and God has given me a great desire to connect with him in that manner in the same way others feel about scripture or music or a variety of other methods to connect with the Father. I say this not pridefully, but knowing a lot of Godly men struggle in the area of prayer, especially when it comes to praying with others. I don't know why. It seems like most prayer groups are made up of more women than men. This is not to "dog" on men, just an observation. Yet, realizing that I want to find one of the men who is strong in this area. I want a man who will boldly pray over me and with me and that I will not be the one leading in that area all the time.

"Sing over me." Please hear me when I say that I am NOT gifted musically. I come from a very musically gifted family, but that talent skipped over me. I can, in very rare moments, sing a note on key, but that is a VERY rare moment. That being said, I love music. I may not be talented in it, but I'm passionate about it. This is the other way I connect the most with the Father. I am also extremely drawn to musicians because I find so much passion in musicians that seems to be released when exercising in that gifting. Some of the "swooning" moments I had with Lucas was when he had his guitar. 9 times out of 10, I was just as captivated by the notes as he was. It was extremely attractive to me when I would see him lead worship in front of a group or sit in his living room strumming random songs that came to his mind. I was enthralled with him in those moments. This is something I want in my husband to be. Someone whom I can worship through song with. Someone who can lead in this manner. In a selfish way, a man who is so consumed with the songs that he isn't paying attention to my singing. :) I long for moments of sitting together and just worshiping together and the beautiful moments that will be made.

There was a lot of good in my relationship with Lucas and I find a number of moments where I miss him more than words. I did/do love him so much. He is an amazing, Godly man. However, I am also at peace knowing that it was the Lord that brought us together and the Lord that separated us. We are amazing as best friends and not glorifying to God in a romantic relationship. That is one of the ways I find comfort when I miss him so badly. With that though, I also find so much hope in the man God is preparing for me to spend my life with.

God's delight

2010-10-18T22:39:00.003-05:00

My world was rocked today by the scriptures. I sat and wondered if I could have the confidence to repeat the words David said in Psalm 18.

In the midst of Saul's pursuit of David, this psalm was written. As you near the end the of psalm, you see how David says that God alone was his support. He was brought out to a broad place and rescued because God delighted in him.

Now, I have heard many times that I am God's delight. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God's workmanship. Workmanship is the word "poema", so in essence we are God's poem. But this was the first time I'd read (and it clicked) that David was confident enough to say; "Yeah, God rescued me because he delight in me."

I am on my way out of a pretty dark and trying season. I hit a very dark place where I just kinda gave up and had to depend on other believers to come alongside me and help me and for God to be my strength. However, as I read that passage, I realized that I couldn't say that I was rescued from this season BECAUSE God delighted in me. How I so want to be that intimate with the Lord that I know he delights in me to that degree!

So anyway, I was just blown away and gave me even deeper things to press into during this time. As I grow in my confidence in Christ, my identity and belonging with the Father; I also want to passionately pursue and meet with God that I can boldly say that I am the delight of God!

And the search begins....

2010-10-17T22:08:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to start this off by saying that I love Zach & Candice McNair! I am serious, I am so blessed to know them and to call them friends. I don't think they even understand how much they mean to me and the influence that their life and marriage is to my life.

Ok, that being said, I had an amazing time tonight. I visited Christ Community in Magnolia. Casey Cease is the pastor and its full of amazing men and women I respect and admire. It was incredible and I walked away refreshed and extremely blessed.

For those that don't know, I am in the process of praying about what church God wants me to plant roots in. I've been going to Redeemer for about 10 months, however so soon after going I was pursued by an amazing man and remained there. Now, I'm not saying that I stayed at Redeemer because of this man, but I am saying that once this man entered the picture, I stopped asking God if this was the place for me to get plugged in. So, after this relationship has now ended, I am back to asking God where I should be. I could end up back at Redeemer and am open to that idea, however, I didn't want to look back and question.

I know some people say that God could really care less where I go to church, as long as I'm there. I do not believe that. Now, I think God can bless your time at any church and that He doesn't favor one over another, but I think there is a place that can use my gifts and skills He has given me while still growing, challenging and equipping me for His kingdom work. Can I get that from any church? To some effect yes, but I think that there is a place He has for me during this season of my life and I want to explore where that may be so that once I feel peace and change in my walk with the Lord, I can serve effectively, passionately and for His glory.

So, please be in prayer for me as I walk out this new journey. I plan to visit Christ Community for the next few weeks and explore if that could be the place He has for me. I may visit other churches in the surrounding area and ask God for the same direction. I can say with confidence though, I thoroughly enjoyed Christ Community and the community, study and passion in the people there.

Momentary Light Afflication

2010-10-12T11:58:00.001-05:00

A very appropriate song for this season! If you haven't heard it, find it! You'll be blessed!
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I set my eyes on what I cannot see
I set my mind on the eternal

You are my great reward, forever I will be with You

This momentary light affliction is
Working in me
An eternal weight of glory
An eternal weight of glory

This is my confidence
This is my confidence
This is my confidence
I’m living for another age

For You are God, and You know what You want
And You know how You’ll get it the fastest way
You give and take away, and You’re the initiator of seasons of change

For You are God, and You know what You want
And You know how You’ll get it the fastest way
With the least amount of pain, but there will be pain it’s guaranteed

-Justin Rizzo Momentary Light Afflictions (Found Faithful)

God is faithful

2010-10-11T21:28:00.003-05:00

You know, growing up is hard sometimes. The stresses seem to get bigger and the solutions seem smaller. However, God is always faithful!

You start thinking about the "drama" or "stress" from high school, jr. high or even elementary school and wish so badly you could go back to when your biggest issue was the clothes you wear or the friend you want to invite to your birthday party when you can only pick one. As I think about it though, that means in another 25 years I'll look back at this moment that seem so overwhelming and wish my biggest issue was being hurt by a boy or moving out.

Now granted, there are other things in this season that God is using to teach me, but those are the ones I won't go into on here. What I can say though, is I'm finding that the only solution, the one answer really is that God is always faithful.

I was reminded by a woman on Sunday, that God uses our trials and testing by fire to deepen our love for him. James clearly says in chapter 1 (vv. 2-4) to "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

So in this season, I'm learning again what it means to fall madly in love with the Lord. I start getting back into a place of intimacy with the Lord and wonder once again how I ever stopped. It's sick the way I fall prey to the schemes of the enemy, the lust of the world and the lure of my own flesh. How I want to long for the Lord more than I long for my husband!

God, teach me what it means to delight in You. Show me what that looks like! Create in me a deeper longing for You. Show me how to seek first your kingdom and righteousness without expecting "these things" to be added to me. Forgive me for the way I lose sight. Forgive me for giving into temptation to find satisfaction in anything but You.

I look forward to being on the other side of this season and seeing how the Lord grew me. It sucks in the moment, yet I choose JOY. I choose to praise You! I choose to seek the Lord. I choose to be thankful for the little things.

God is always faithful!!

Sufficient

2010-09-24T12:53:00.000-05:00

God's Word says, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Just what does that mean?

* It means that when I'm exhausted and think I can't possibly get everything done—His grace is sufficient for me.
* When I'm having a hard time with the person who gets under my skin—His grace is sufficient for me.
* When I'm tempted to let my frustration loose and speak harsh words—His grace is sufficient for me.
* When I've given in to my lust for food for the umpteenth time in a day—His grace is sufficient for me.
* When I don't know which direction to go or how to make a decision—His grace is sufficient for me.

What do you need God's grace for? Wayward children? An aching body? Loneliness? Hormones going haywire?

Whatever your story, His grace is sufficient for you. Ask Him for His resources to meet your need and His grace to help you endure.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss "Seeking Him"

Constant Cleaning

2010-09-16T21:38:00.001-05:00

Ask any mom what she’s been cleaning today and prepare for a long list. Cleaning up never stops. It’s true in the kitchen, and it’s true in our hearts.

Spending time in prayer and the Word of God is like constant cleaning. As a child of God, I’ve been made clean once and for all. That’s my position in Christ. But my practice is another thing. While living in this corrupt world, I often get my spiritual hands, feet, and clothes soiled.

That’s why I need worship, prayer, and God’s Word. I need to ask with the psalmist, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me” (Psalm 139:23-24).

You may have spent a lot of time dealing with dust, crumbs, and grime already today. Have you asked God to clean your attitudes, your thoughts, and your actions?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss, "Seeking Him"

Never Alone

2010-06-23T11:16:00.003-05:00

I find it interesting that I have gone so long without writing, but now that I am back (daily and intensely) in the Word, I feel like I have so much to share. Proof my "gift and love for writing" is from the Lord and it is through Him and in Him that I find anything worth saying!

So in my study this morning, the topic was "Crucified". The focal passage was Galatians 2:20, which was one of the first verses I memorized after committing my life to Christ on May 12, 2001. It says, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Such good stuff!

Now, I could write so much about this mornings study, but for me, the part that stuck out was the idea of God never leaving or forsaking. I had heard that all my life and quoted it, but the way it was put this morning on WHY for some reason blew me away. Let me show you the verse parallel I'm talking about.

Matthew 27:45-46 - "Now from the sixth hour darkness fell upon all the land until the ninth hour. About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, "ELI, ELI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" that is, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

Romans 8:38-39 - "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Hebrews 13:5 - "Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, "I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU."

Think about that. Because our Savior agreed to have the sins of the world heaped upon Him and experience separation from the Father, we will never be forsaken. Jesus bore the full force of rejection by humanity and separation from the Father and so we never will. Does that blow anyone else away?? That makes me not only stand in awe of Jesus, but makes me do a happy dance at the fact that BECAUSE of Jesus I won't have to know what that feels like. The gravity of that is overwhelming. When I feel like everyone is "too busy" or just blatantly doesn't want to be around me, when I feel like I'm all alone, it not only doesn't compare to what Christ suffered on the cross, but also that I still have a Daddy who is right by my side through it all. So my encouragement to you, if you feel alone, seek out your Father who is by your side and "will never leave you or forsake you."

"Oh PRAISE THE ONE who paid my debt and raise this life up from the dead."

Martyrdom

2010-06-21T19:30:00.003-05:00

"Let us remind ourselves that the Great Commission was never qualified by clauses calling for advance only if funds were plentiful and no hardship or self-denial involved. On the contrary, we are told to expect tribulation and even persecution, but with it victory in Christ. ...It is ours to show, in the salvation of our Lord Jesus Christ, and in personal communion with Him, a joy unspeakable and full of glory that cannot be affected by outside circumstances."

That was an excerpt from a speech delievered to the Moody Bible Institute graduating class of 1932, but John Stam. This was done just before John, and his bride Betty, departed to go to China. They were beheaded just one month after their arrival in Tsingteh, leaving behind a three-month-old infant.

I learned about this from a study I'm doing with some women from my church. We are doing Beth Moore's "Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruits of the Spirit." I was blown away by this. In Day 1, Beth shares about how our nation knows very little about true persecution. This is a topic I hit on quite a bit. That we, as a "Christian Nation", do not know what martyrdom is. In "The Hidden Price of Greatness" by Ray Beeson and Ranelda Mack Hunsicker, they share that, "it seems a paradox that the death of Christians could be the key to church growth. Yet as surely as the cross of Christ was essential to our salvation, the sacrifice of believers is crucial to world evangelism. That is as true today as ever." I look at my life and my "lackadaisical" attitude I so often have about faith. It upsets me about myself. More so than that, is my lack of prayer for those who face this day in and day out.

I was talking to Lucas yesterday about having a heart for missions. I know that right now, in this season of my life, God is not calling me to move full time overseas. However, with that, one day God could call me to a place where the threat of persecution, and most extremely, martyrdom could be a reality. If I am placed in that situation, I will so eagerly long and covet the prayers of the saints around the world, yet I am not doing that for those whom this is a reality for today.

I don't know what this posts purpose is, other than I wanted to share that quote and release some of my thoughts, but if nothing else, I challenge you to take a moment and pray for those believers who face this reality daily. That they will be strengthened and encouraged to remain true to the faith knowing that we must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God (Acts 14:22). May we be encouraged and challenged to daily lift up the saints and co-laborers in Christ around us and those we will not know until Heaven.

Unplowed Ground

2010-06-18T22:01:00.003-05:00

It's drier here than ever I remember,
The fields that once were green and tall are now so bare.
And patience for relief has turned to anger
And joyous praise has been replaced by faithless prayer.

I used to love to tend these fields for hours
And even times of drought would only serve to spur me on.
But now it seems like years without a shower
And somehow my desire to grow has come and gone.

This was the word to Jeremiah, but I think it applies to me right about now...

Break up your unplowed ground, and turn your heart to Me again.
Lay all your idols down; come confess your sin.
I long to ease your pain and bring your fields to life once more,
But I will not send My rain until you make Me Lord.

A vineyard ripe with blessing now surrounds me,
And every harvest so much more than I hoped for.
But as the fruit increases all around me,
I see how fat I am and I'm still wanting more.

This was the word God gave Hosea, but I think it applies to me right about now...

Break up your unplowed ground, have you so soon forgotten Me?
I cannot watch you bow at the altar of prosperity.
I long to shower down and see our love affair restored.
So break up your unplowed ground; it's time to seek the Lord.

Habits turn to cycles turn to seasons,
And seasons turn to years before we know.
And we lay still alive but barely breathing,
And we whisper, "That's just the way it goes..." but the Lord says No.

Break up your unplowed ground and you will find a treasure.
Sell everything you own to buy what can't be measured.
I long to lay you down in richer fields than you have known.
So break up your unplowed ground and make this land your home.

- Ross King "Unplowed Ground" (And All the Decorations too)
=====
So as I mentioned in the last post, I am going through the book of Jeremiah. Today I read Jeremiah 4 and while I was reading verse 3, I couldn't help but think of this song. (For thus says the LORD to the men of Judah and to Jerusalem, "Break up your fallow ground, and do not sow among thorns. Jeremiah 4:3)

I think that Ross King puts the explanation so beautifully in the chorus of this song. (Break up your unplowed ground, and turn your heart to Me again. Lay all your idols down; come confess your sin. I long to ease your pain and bring your fields to life once more, but I will not send My rain until you make Me Lord.)

Jeremiah is talking about a farmer who will not sow seed on unplowed ground, so God does not sow His seed of blessing in unrepentant hearts. In the bridge, Ross says that "this is the word to Jeremiah but I think it applies to me..." and I think that is right on. Each word of this song is powerful and convicting.

I am listening to it in the background as I type this out, and I think I'll just refer you back to the lyrics and let the Spirit speak to you in what you need to hear. If you do better hearing it, email me and I'll find a way for you to hear it. (Unfortunately Ross King is not main stream and so only select songs are on YouTube, however, I strongly recommend his "And All The Decorations Too" CD. It is to this day, one of my all time favorite CD's and I play it/go back to it often.)

Jeremiah

2010-06-16T17:09:00.003-05:00

So Lucas and I have started reading through Jeremiah together. Let me start this off by saying how incredible that is. I love that God has given me a man who not only cares so much about my spiritual well being that he is encouraging me to get in the Word daily, but also that he is wanting to go through a book of the bible with me. This is something I've always prayed God would give me in a husband and so I'm ellated that God has given me Lucas who possess that quality.

Okay, now back to my point... Jeremiah. Lucas is having me read a commentary as I go through it because by reading commentaries he said that is what made him love scripture so much. Well, now I know why. I think study bibles are good (those are all I have ever used) but there is so much more information in commentaries. I am blown away by the message behind Jeremiah and the hard things he presented to Judah. I think what blows me away the most, is how much of myself I see in Judah.

I won't go into the whole two chapters I read today, but I will share my most "gasp" moment where I was convicted. It was in Jeremiah 2:9-11 which says, "Therefore I will yet contend with you," declares the LORD, "And with your sons' sons I will contend. For cross to the coastlands of Kittim and see, and send to Kedar and observe closely and see if there has been such a thing as this! Has a nation changed gods when they were not gods? But My people have changed their glory for that which does not profit." That floored me! The evil and idolatrous nations around Israel were more faithful to their false gods than Israel was to the true God, Yahweh!

How many times is that true for me and the people around me? I think of school this past semester, or work situations. My friend Doug, who is a very strong atheist, is very unwavering. I have talked to him many times about my faith (and he is so wonderful to listen because I in turn listen to his point of view) but he is just that, unwavering in his disbelief.

I think about my situation right now. For those who don't know, I was laid off from WoodsEdge this past Thursday. In the midst of this, I waver trusting God for my future and his sovereign hand on my life and freaking out at the fact that I don't have a job and have bills that keep coming in.

That is where I get convicted. I know many people who are an "evil and idolatrous people" who are more faithful to their idols, obsessions and prized possessions than I am to God. Man oh man! Even retyping it out, I want to confess and repent over and over. Jesus help me! Help me to be faithful and unwavering if my faith and trust of You. Help me to not trade anything for Your glory and those things which do not profit!

I want to leave you with another convicting (funny) passage. In Jeremiah 2:32-33, Jeremiah is talking about how a bride does not forget her wedding dress or rings on her wedding day, and yet Judah so often forgets God. "Can a virgin forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? Yet My people have forgotten Me days without number. How well you prepare your way to seek love! Therefore even the wicked women you have taught your ways." What kills me is verse 33 where Jeremiah says sarcastically to Judah that they have become so skilled in pursuing illict love that even the harlots/prostitutes (wicked women) can learn new secrets of seduction from them. That is not only hilarious to me but makes me wonder.

Anyway, I don't know if this has any relevance, but I didn't feel like writing down my thoughts so I typed them instead and you get the product of my scattered brain. Enjoy!

Still I find HOPE

2010-05-30T21:50:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered how you have so many tears to cry? I know this weekend I have. I feel like all I've done is cry. Endless streams of salty drops flowing from blood shot eyes. That is my weekend.

Now, for those who know me, or have known me for a while, you know that this is not like me. I am not a very emotion person and only a select few people in my life have seen tears flow from my eyes in uninterrupted streams. However, this weekend the attacks from a real enemy have been ruthless and intense. (For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12) The battle this weekend, outside of the power of the Holy Spirit, is unbearable. The only hope I have is that I worship a victorious warrior (Zephaniah 3:17) and one who has won this war. (The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you. Romans 16:20). I can walk claiming victory.

Now, I say that, but please hear me when I say it's not easy. It hurts. It's a struggle. I don't always remember the very truths I just shared in the heat of the battle. Only once I stop to find shelter under the wings of an eagle (Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:31) do I find peace. I have to step back and renew my mind and remind myself of what I know and believe to be truth. I have to cling to the cross where my victory lies, fixing my eyes on my eternal comfort and good hope by grace. (Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

I write this not only as a reminder to myself, but as an encouragement to anyone who reads this. This life, our breath on this earth, is hard. There is an enemy who is seeking to devour you. (Be of sober spirit, be on the alert, your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8) It will not be easy in this world, but take great hope, believer, that Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross and his resurrection from the grave conquering death; He has overcome the world. (These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. John 16:33) Cling to Jesus! Find your hope in the God of the universe! In the midst of struggle, still I find HOPE!!

Freedom

2010-03-31T20:47:00.005-06:00

I know You hear them
You know exactly where they are
And You can save them
From what they're doing to themselves

Sweet God I know this cause it wasn't
long ago when You heard me crying loud
When I was doing the same things to myself

You are the God of Wonders
You are loving You are kind
And no matter how far or fast we run
You're always close beside us in the bottom of
the ship or in the hull of our mind
Oh Lord You're so quick to save us when we cry

I GIVE UP.
I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.
I CONFESS.
LORD PLEASE COME CRASHING THROUGH THESE DOORS
OF THIS PRISON I'VE LIVED IN FOR FAR TOO LONG
I miss the sound of that sweet song of freedom.

Lord I was miserable
and I can tell that they are too.
Believing the lies of what the world says is
true.

But God You heard me and You say you'll hear them too
if we just cry out and trust You.
=====
I love this song by Donna Stuart. Oh the sweet song of freedom that she talks about. What a beautiful melody of grace and love pouring out.

I know a lot of friends who are in their own prisons right now. I have friends who are crippled with insecurity, lust, and blatant lies from the enemy. My heart breaks for them because I know it so well. I have been in the place where I am crying loud the chorus of this song. "I GIVE UP. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE. I CONFESS. LORD, PLEASE COME CRASHING THROUGH THESE DOORS OF THIS PRISON I'VE LIVED IN FOR FAR TOO LONG."

I read those words and can place myself right back to where I was 2-3 years ago. I wanted so desperately to call it quits because this whole "christian" thing was hard and I felt like professing believers and the church was all a facade of hypocritical people out for their own agendas. Then I realize all too often that is true, but that God is not those people. I would pray "God, if this is You then I don't want it." It was in those moments that I realized that "this" was not God at all.

Professing believers and the church are a bunch of jacked up people who are saved by the blood of Christ. It is not that they have become perfect but that they have believed in a perfect God who has redeemed them. In this midst of those moments, God reminded me of Romans 3:12, which says, "All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one." So I was looking to Christians to be God. I was making people my god, my idol, and if they did not act the way I wanted them too or thought they should, I would translate that as God and gets upset. I would put expectations on people that they could never meet.

Have you ever been there? Have you looked at fellow Christians and judged their actions to be that of God? I think we all have at some point. We think because Christians are supposed to be like Christ that they are Christ. We place people in positions where they will inevitably fail, then blame God.

Oh, but the song of freedom. The song of redemption. The song of grace. The song of hope. These are the songs that started becoming my anthem cry when I realize that people will fail me but God never will. When I placed God in his rightful position in my life and allowed people to be messed up, I noticed a freedom that cannot be expressed by words. When I allowed people to be themselves, screwed up and all, and walked WITH them in the pursuit of Christ instead of viewing them AS Christ, I noticed I was able to learn and be blessed by them instead of hurt by them.

As you go throughout your day, ask God to remind you of this song and to find ways that in the realness of those around you that you can be blessed. God placed that person in your life for a reason and if you look for it, they will teach you something about yourself and/or God. Place God in his rightful place and allow others to walk alongside you as you both pursue what it means to exhibit Christ. Strive to look more like Christ and encourage others to do the same, but offer grace when failures come, after all, isn't that what God did for you?

Tiny moments

2010-03-09T18:01:00.002-06:00

I love dates with my younger siblings. Whether its Starbucks with Josie talking about the way she views life, spending time at the park with Kiana or drawing on the table with the twins; I love every moment of it. They grow up so fast. As cliche as it sounds, it is so true and I try to cherish every day and every stage. There is such a beautiful moment with each that you can't get back.

That being said, I am finding a lot of moments that I want to stay so real in my memory bank. Whether it is standing outside after a bible study talking with a friend, or sitting in the kitchen with my mom talking about life, God has blessed me with precious moments that bring me so much joy its beyond words.

Each week I ask about 10 people for specific ways I can pray for them throughout the week and add it to my prayer calendar I keep with me. That way no matter where I am, I can lift people I care about up in prayer in specific ways. The last two weeks the precious girl I mentor, Jordan, has asked for prayer to see God in the little things. Such a profound prayer request for a 17 year old and one that we need to pray on a daily basis.

God is present in so many small moments. For me, I think I can see God most profoundly in the simple things of life. Yes, God is in the big moments but I tend to find him in unique moments that only make sense to me. A text message from a friend praying that I have strength & dependence on God and hide beneath His wings. When Kiana randomly comes up to find me just to tell me she loves me. When Jacob is in a mood to cuddle and just wants me to hold him. When my boss tells me I'm doing a great job. Those moments are precious, but do I truly see them as displays of God's love for me?

What would it look like if for one day we truly took note of the people in our life God uses as tangible expressions of his love? I know for me, it would radically change my day. I can see it every now and then, but not an all day, continual awareness of God in the simple things in life. Have you ever seen that free cup of coffee from Starbucks as God saying "I love you"? What about when your parents give you an extra $10 "just in case" and you know it is that $10 that is what you need? Have you stopped to realize its a blessing from God?

My challenge for myself and my challenge for you is to spend tomorrow aware of tiny blessings and "I love yous" from God. Look for moments where God is revealing himself. Psalm 19:1 says, "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." Even in a gloomy, rainy day creation around us declares the glory of God. Look for God in the minute and grand ways. Practice being aware of the presence of God.

A Little Longer

2010-03-03T20:24:00.002-06:00

"What can I do for You? What can I bring to You? What kind of song would you like me to sing? 'Cause I'll dance a dance for You, pour out my love to You. What can I do for You beautiful king? 'Cause I can't thank You enough. All of the words that I find and I can't thank You enough. No matter what I try... I can't thank You enough."

How many times have you felt this way? I know I often feel like I just want to do, say or sing SOMETHING that expresses how I feel towards God. That is how I feel tonight. But hold on...

Then I hear You sing to me, "You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me and let those things go, because they can wait another minute. Wait... this moment is too sweet. Would you please stay here with Me and love on Me a little longer. I'd like to be with you a little longer, 'Cause I'm in love with you."

Whoa! Think about that response God is singing right now. He is singing it over me. God simply wants to BE with me. Let the other things go. Cease striving, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10a)

Welcome to my last two nights with the Lord! I knew I needed to stop and spend unhurried time with Abba, but I don’t know if I expected what I got. Last night was not an easy one, as God revealed very specific sins in my life that I needed to address and repent of. I was still limping from that today as he pointed out very clearly when I was falling into the same cycle. What is hard about the sins pointed out, they are less noticeable sins and so can go easily undetected and without the Holy Spirits conviction, I could have continued in the habitual sin. It was matters of the heart and had I not stopped to just be with the Lord I would have missed it.

Then tonight there is a love and sweetness that I can’t explain. I’m not an emotional person, as anyone close to me knows, but I feel like all I’ve done is weep tonight in complete and utter joy and indescribable love with my bridegroom. As I was praying this afternoon, I had to re-surrender a certain person/situation to the Lord and get back to taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). In the midst of that, my prayer was that I could return to seeing Jesus as lover. I want and long for intimacy with Jesus on a continual basis. Some days it’s so evident I can’t miss it, other days for various reasons (mainly sin) it’s not a consistent intimacy. But holy cow… tonight Jesus is pursuing my heart. As I write this with tears in my eyes, I can say that Jesus is becoming so much more the lover of my heart. I’m going to put again what God has/is singing over me and I want you to grasp this.

"You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me and let those things go, because they can wait another minute. Wait... this moment is too sweet. Would you please stay here with Me and love on Me a little longer. I'd like to be with you a little longer, 'Cause I'm in love with you."

See what I mean? Rarely can I feel what Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” I wish it was a more regular awareness, but tonight God is singing directly to my heart. Tonight “He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.” (Song of Solomon 2:4)

Life

2010-02-10T22:26:00.000-06:00

I have so much I could talk about. I could talk about Brian’s leaving, what God is showing me, our even counting my blessings. However, none of that matters because I’m terrified for my friends life. I can’t pray anything but “Jesus save him” between the weeping. Tears are all I have to offer right now. I have text a number of my friends who I know will pray no matter who or what the situation. I am holding onto that right now. Faithful prayer warriors who will help battle the lies of the enemy.

Jesus, I have no words. I feel like I have prayed them all. If you brought me in his life for right now, to pray, cry, plead for his life then I will. Jesus save him. Show yourself to him. Save him. Do not let the enemy win in his life. You love him. You died for him. Forgive “christians” who have tainted his view of You and restore the image of yourself to him. Forgive the way the church has treated him. Forgive the leaders in the church who have condemned him and made him believe that we have to be perfect 100% of the time or we aren’t your child. Forgive fellow believers who have gossiped, lied, slandered, and take delight in his struggling. This is not You. This is not the way you desire the church to treat one another. Forgive me if I have tainted his view of You, the holy and true God. Forgive me if I have not been the church, a sister in Christ, to him. Jesus, you can redeem this. You can take away the desire to gratify the flesh. You can take away the lure of this world.

He is jealous for me...

2010-02-08T21:50:00.004-06:00

Think for a minute about the person you have a crush on/love. (I'm directing this from a woman's point of view, but I'm pretty sure it applies to men too). Think about the early stages, right before you're "dating" or soon after you start. You know, those moments where you are still a little insecure about your relationship. Not sure if they will stick around. Now, think about them going and sitting with that girl you are envious of, or heaven forbid... the ex. Now, think about those stings of jealousy that flair up.

Don't lie to me. I've been there. I think 99.9% of women, I may even be bold enough to say 100% of women, at one time or another have gotten that sting of jealousy. We don't like it, we are not proud of it but alas it is there. Depending on your personality, you either push it deep down inside of you hoping that it never arises again, or you freak out the moment you are in a "safe place", be it your car, room or outside. It is a nasty emotion, one that is not pretty from the inside out (meaning the way you are feeling) or from the outside in (what other people are seeing).

Now, before I move on, I want you to sit in the moment for a minute. Truly go back to that feeling. It's almost a sense of sadness that arises. A longing to be that girl. Really feel this.

Now think about this. God is jealous for you. Stop. Think. Let me say it again and really hear me this time. God, Creator of the all things, is jealous for you. (For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. Deuteronomy 4:24) He is jealous of what you spend your time with. He is jealous of where you give your affections. He is jealous of what you love. (But I have this against you that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Revelation 2:4) God is jealous for you.

Now, unlike you and me, God's jealousy is not sin. God is a holy God, the only true God, and deserves our affection, our adoration, our time, and our love. We, however, are fallen beings who are separated from that God because of our sin. There is good news though. God loved you so much and longed so much to be in relationship with you, that he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to be the penalty for us so we can enter in to that relationship with him. So that we, although sinners, can have constant communion with a holy and righteous God. And he is jealous for you. In the words of Cheap Trick, "He wants you to want Him." He does not NEED you, as he is complete in and of himself, but he WANTS you to have communion with him.

This truth hit me tonight at the Station. Craig did the song by David Crowder (originally by John Mark McMillian) called "How He Loves" and I literally sat in the corner of this small Presbyterian Church broken. I know all to well what being jealous feels like, but then to think about those emotions coming from God towards me brought me to my knees. It made me repentant and thankful. Thankful for his love and repentant for the many things that I turn to and embrace that is not Jesus Christ. I am unworthy of his love, but so humbled and thankful that while I was a sinner, Christ died for me. (But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8) To God be the glory!

Hodgepodge of thoughts

2010-02-04T21:18:00.003-06:00

It is so sad how disconnected from your friends you can feel after two days off of Facebook. Why has our society gotten to this point? Why is even a text message hard to send? I went from being able to see what a friend was doing in a seconds time, seeing pictures posted of events I wasn't able to be a part of, or chatting on FB chat to occupy time and catch up with a friend to nothing.

I don't think I realized how addicted I was to Facebook. I also know that I underestimated how hard this fast would be. I am truly shocked by this. I could occupy my time with hours of meaningless games of Farkle and yet now, find it difficult to study, read, or just enjoy silence with God. I have written so many of my friends "thinking of you" type cards, not sure I will ever give it to them, but just because they were on my mind and I can't put a comment on their FB page. There is such a different culture in our society today. I had a classmate in my english class say today that part of the reason he doesn't take notes in class is because his hand starts hurting if he holds a pen to long. We all chuckled but he said that it is easier for him to type on a computer than to hold a pen and write with it. There is so much truth in that statement and so much honesty. I mean, how many people is this true for. I know for me, one of the reasons that I type out all of my homework is because I can type faster than I can write by hand and so I can get more thoughts on to a piece of paper this way. After my classmate shared about his struggle with writing with a pen/pencil another person said that they figured they don't need to know how to spell because Microsoft Word has spell check.

What would it look like if we went back to little or no technology? I'm not saying technology is bad, there is a lot of great things that it has brought us and a lot of advances in fields like medicine. However, what would our communities look like if we went back to writing hand written letters and putting them in an envelope with a stamp and sent it to a friend. I don't think they would know what to do. What would it look like to pick up a phone and actually call your friend and talk for hours, or call and invite them to lunch to talk? Now, we are still really good at face to face communication, or my community is, but I still think we have lost a lot of the 'personal connection' in our generation.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I am just writing all the random thoughts that are entering my head. It's almost like since I can't type 140 character status' every time a thought enters my head, I am finding other outlets to flush out my thoughts. Hence the blog.

I am, according to my psych class, an internal processor. I think this is true in a lot of instances. However, I also can't keep things in very long. I need to flush out my thoughts, and I usually do that by writing. Most of the time it is in my journal, but when appropriate, I also use this blog. Actually, I am using this blog more because I have to with school, so my person journal isn't as sufficient because I won't tear out pages in that to get graded. I am a lot more raw in my journal than I am on here. Anyway, I will leave you to consider how insane I am becoming with a lack of facebook. HA! I look forward to what this month will bring.

Fasting from Facebook

2010-02-03T15:45:00.001-06:00

I’m doing an experiment. I am going without Facebook and Twitter for a month. I have been told by a couple people they don’t think I can do it and I understand their reasoning for thinking so, however, aside from my other reason, proving them wrong has become a high priority.

So why am I doing it? A lot of people have asked this question to me and there are some reasons that no one could care less about but me. Actually, now that I think of it, I’m sure no one truly cares why I’m not on Facebook and Twitter anymore, but I’m sharing what I’m sharing anyway.

First reason is for school. It is so easy to neglect reading for English and Psychology, or have dual screens during math homework, and be on Facebook instead. I want to succeed in school. I want to pass with the highest grade I possibly can. I want to excel in this area in which I have not made a priority in the past. My education cannot be taken from me. In a society where government is taking control of so many things, they cannot take what I have learned. It also proves as a good reflection and testimony to Christ. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” That most certainly includes school. Being a Christ-follower, I am naturally put under a microscope, so excellence to the glory of Christ should be seen in every area, no matter how “trivial” it may be. Lastly, I want to excel for my siblings. I have five siblings underneath me and I want to be a good mirror for them. When the four youngest ones look at school, whether K-12 or college, I want them to see that doing your best and making school a priority helps and you can achieve so much.

Second reason is my walk with Christ. I have noticed how often I sit around and say, “I’m so busy, I barely have time to read the bible, pray or take time to invest in my sisters.” Today being the first day of this fast I can tell you how wrong that statement is. Most people, myself especially, get on Facebook when bored or trying to kill time. That being said, those 10, 15, 20 minutes that you are “killing time” you could be reading and studying scripture, praying for specific requests and/or friends, or calling up that person who has been on your heart/mind for days and checking in on them while encouraging them in their faith. We have been given 24 hours every day to use for the glory of God. I have seen Facebook be a great tool for that, until it becomes an idol that is taking time and attention away from the Lord. I was not using Facebook to the glory of God every time I would spend two or more hours looking at pictures, FB chatting, or reading status updates. It has become an idol in my life and one that it easily crushed. Matthew 18: 8-9 says, “And if your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life crippled or lame than with two hands or two feet to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire.” By getting off of Facebook, it is a way of “cutting off and throwing away” the very thing that is keeping me from God and causing me to have idol time.

Third reason is a bit more personal, and in the midst of writing this very entry I realized that my blog is connected to Facebook, so even though I am not getting on, these posts will still show up. Henceforth, I will keep my third reason to myself.

At the end of this month I will make of list of the things I have learned about the Lord and myself during this fast and share. As new things are being revealed to me, I am writing them down. Today, as I have said, is day one and I have a few things already on that list. I am excited, scared and anxious to see what God has in store for me.

Falling In Love With Jesus

2010-02-03T13:52:00.001-06:00

What do you really want? I pray that my answer to that question would always be "more of Jesus." But we are often lured away from our first and true passion by other loves. When is the last time you let Jesus invite you to want more of Him? Picture encountering Jesus face-to-face. Imagine that He Himself asks you these two questions: "Who is it that you are seeking? Have I been among you so long and you don't know Me?" (John 20:15b, 14:9). Who are you seeking today? Do you want Jesus so passionately that you can't imagine spending a day without him? Do you know him so intimately that you come together with him in love, new life is conceived, and the fruit of love is coming forth?

The following guide is a call to the heart of God. Give yourself the gift of time. Slip away with the Lover of your soul for an hour, an afternoon, or a day and soak in this.

1. Get still. Sit before Him to communicate with Him. Read Ps. 46:10; 2 Sam. 7:18; Rev. 3:20; Hab. 2:20. Write your response to Him.

2. Draw near His heart. Read Jam. 4:8; Ps. 42:1-2; Isa. 55:1-3,6; Ps. 65:4, 73:28, 84:1-4,10. Write your response to Him.

3. Seek His face. Read Mat. 7:7-8, Ps. 27:4,8; Ps. 63:1-8; Heb. 11:6; Jer. 29:11-14. Write your response to Him.

4. Spend time in His presence. Read Ex. 33:14-15; Ps. 16:11, 89:1; Isa. 29:13, 63:9; Lam. 2:19; Jude 24-25. Write your response to Him.

5. Spend time knowing Him better. You cannot love someone you do not know. Let Him teach you who He is through His names and attributes. Each one reveals something about Him. Encounter Him in His Word. Read Mat. 11:29; Jer. 9:23-24; Phi. 3:8,10. Tell Jesus that knowing Him is the most important thing in all the world to you. Write your response of adoration or sing Him a song.

6. Tell Him all those things that you are willing to count as nothing compared with knowing Him and seeing His glory (Phi. 3:7-8): your ministry, your reputation, your personal strengths, your intellect, your pride, your self-sufficiency, your will, your ambition, your relationships, your job, your sins, your failures, etc. Say, "I give it all. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing (1 Chron. 21:23; 2 Sam. 24:24)." Give all that you know, and then open yourself up for God to show you new "all's." Write your response of surrender and commitment.

7. Be overwhelmed with the awesome Person speaking to you. "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness (Jer. 31:3)." Receive His unfailing love. Let the Father hug you and pour His love into your heart by His Spirit.

(Devotional from Sylvia Gunter)

Surrender

2010-02-02T23:57:00.003-06:00

You know, just when you start thinking that you’ve got life figured out, God throws something at you in the most unusual way and rocks your world. That hasn’t happened to you? Oh, then I must be one of the few.

See, I thought I was on the right track. I have taken every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, I have claimed the promises He has given me, and I have ask for Abba to show me how to improve. I thought, “surely that is good enough, right?” No such luck. Last night about 3 a.m. I was woke up as if I had just slept 8 full hours only to “hear” from the Lord. Now, it was not an audible voice, but it was as clear as an audible voice. The Lord asked me if I would surrender it. Of course, I knew exactly what the Holy Spirit was speaking. Would I surrender it fully to the Lord? Would I let go of the “hope” I have put in this and give it to Him? Would I trust that He is good, that He loves me infinitely more than I could imagine and that Daddy has the best waiting for me? As I laid in bed the quote I heard growing up came back to me. “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it’s yours forever, if it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with.”

This leads me to my next thought. What does it look like to surrender fully to the Lord? I have tried, with this exact area, in the past; however, each time I end up picking it right back up. I do not know if I know how to lay an idol, a dream, a desire at the foot of the cross and leave it there. Especially when the idol/dream/desire has been a part of your thinking, acting and feeling for as long as you can remember. I want this to be given to the Lord and that my faith is such that I can learn what it means to be free from this.

I long to be in a place that I am content, satisfied and whole before God alone. I want to know what it means and feels like to find my security and completeness in the Lover of my soul. I am getting there. I am closer than I ever have been, yet I still have so far to go. It is an endless journey this side of Heaven, but I believe, I have to believe, that this wholeness will become more and more evident in my life. In Song of Solomon (one of my favorite books) it speaks of the woman finding her security and self worth in the man. Song of Solomon 2:1 says “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.” She knew how her betrothed felt about her and she was secure in that. So much so, she could confidently say “I am a rose… I am a lily.” A few verses later she says, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” She knew without a doubt of his love for her. She knew the way he viewed her and “his banner over her was love”. What would it look like to say that? To be so secure in who you are in Christ and the beauty He sees in you, that you can say “I am a rose… I am a lily,” and “his banner over me is love.” What a beautiful thought. What an amazing thing to push towards and strive for.

As I close this, I want to leave you with my favorite truth from Song of Solomon and the one verse that makes me weak in the knees, giddy with love for my Savior who is captivating my heart. This verse is one of the main ones that I see as Jesus wooing my heart.

“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
Song of Solomon 4:7

Hierarchy of Needs

2010-01-29T19:50:00.005-06:00

So I came to Starbucks tonight to do my Psychology studying since I have a test on Tuesday and even with headphones in, I can't get focused due to this couple next to me who is obviously on a first date. I can tell because of the awkwardness, the guys' "game", the girls stand off demeanor, and the "get to know you" questions. It's so frustrating. I mean, do you have to be so loud that everyone is disturbed?

Ok, so I had to get that off my chest before going on. Ha! Back to my purpose for being at Starbucks; Psychology studying. I am so fascinated by this class and what I'm studying. I think that is a good thing since Psych is my major. I don't agree with some of the things taught so far, which I figured would be the case, but then other things make logical sense. See, Abraham Maslow has this belief about the hierarchy of needs each person has. It starts with physiological needs, such a the need to satisfy hunger and thirst. This is the most basic need of every human and will override most other needs. Second on the hierarchy is safety needs. The need to feel safe, secure and stable whether emotionally or physically. Third is love and belonging. The need to love and be loved by at least one other person, to belong and feel accepted by someone, and the need to avoid loneliness and alienation. Fourth need on the hierarchy is the esteem needs. The need for self esteem, achievement, competence and independence. It's a need for recognition and respect from others. Lastly, the fifth is the need for self actualization. The need to live up ones fullest and most unique potential. I see so much truth in that.

In fact, going off of what I just shared, think about international missions for a minute. Now I've been overseas twice for a fairly decent amount of time, plus numerous mission trips to Mexico in high school. I think in a case like that, this holds so much truth. Especially on short term trips, the goal is to go in, get a bunch of people saved and go home. Now, from living in Swaziland, I saw a whole different approach to ministry. If you have not fed the children, the odds of them paying any attention is not likely. So our first mission was to feed the kids at the care points. After that, they need to know that you are not going to up and leave them. They need to know that you are safe and not going to hurt them. A lot of those kids that I interacted with came from abusive homes, in every form possible, and the kids had no sense of security. You couldn't get them to listen if you didn't first make them realize you are safe. Now, once they know you are a safe place and their basic needs for food, drink, etc is met, they need to know you love them. Again, most of the kids did not have a place to go. They slept in the dump every night and fight for food, they had no parents and in some cases even older siblings were not what they needed to be because they were mirroring what they saw in their parents (another psychology point, but I won't go into that). We had to show them we loved them. Now, especially for the "teenagers", those who are 13-16 years old, they didn't know what a safe "love" was because anytime they felt love it was not love at all. A lot of the kids, both boy and girl, heard love as rape and prostitution. We had to show them that we love them and care for them because they are precious children and that God loves them more than we could. That all needed to be done before we could even start sharing the truths of the gospel and that basic picture of what it looks like. I just find that so interesting.

What are your thoughts on this?

The Perplexity of Unanswered Prayer

2010-01-27T08:17:00.001-06:00

As you read these words today, you surely have some ”unanswered” prayers. I do. Perhaps you have begged the Lord for the healing of a sick friend, the restoration of a relationship, the alleviation of a heavy personal burden, or clarity about His direction for your life.

Our Sympathetic Savior

Christ understands. Of course, He was tempted in every way, just as we are, yet without sin. As a result, He can sympathize with our weaknesses, struggles, and perplexity (Hebrews 4:14-15). He does not reject our cries for relief because He also cried out prior to the cross. He “offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could deliver him out of death.” (Hebrews 5:7). He was fully God, and knew the Father’s plan for His glory through the atoning sacrifice. Christ was also fully man, and knew the incredible agony of the cross. His prayers for deliverance from the cup of suffering went unanswered, but His ultimate desire for the Father’s glory and redemption of man were fulfilled.

Our Good Father

The Bible tells us that “our Heavenly Father gives good things to His children who ask” (Matthew 7:11).Yet, His will, not our desires, determines what is ultimately good for us because He is ultimately good. Our prayers are never ignored or unheeded. Our temporal longings may not be satisfied, but His eternal designs will be accomplished. We soon learn that God’s answer to a particular plea may be “no”, yet with the sure promise of something greater.

Paul’s Example

Yet our perplexity remains as we live with the pain of the burden and the questions about the road ahead. The Apostle Paul writes transparently about this very kind of journey. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, he tells of his experience with his thorn in the flesh. We can only speculate of the specific nature of the thorn, but can firmly deduce its severity. It was like a “stake” that impaled him. Paul felt “buffeted” (beat with a fist) by this messenger of Satan.
As we often do, Paul repeatedly begged the Lord to take it away. Yet, God did not remove the pain. Instead, our wise and sovereign Lord responded, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). While Paul’s problem apparently did not change, his perspective changed dramatically. He went from being problem-conscious to power-conscious. Paul embraced the weakness he felt and, thus, experienced the great power of Christ’s sufficiency.

No Unanswered Prayers

In reality, the Christ follower's prayers never go unanswered. Our sympathetic Savior, the goodness of our Father, and the example of Paul assure us that God hears and responds. His answers may not always be in accordance with our immediate desires but fulfill God’s ultimate design for our lives. To help us respond properly and endure honorably, Christ gives us sufficient grace. Truly, He has tailor-made grace for everything we face. He lavishes grace on our unique pain and strengthens our inner being to make us thrive, even in the midst of our prolonged perplexities.

The Lessons of Grace and Glory

In the same book where Paul wrote about his thorn, he gives us powerful insight about the change in thinking that occurs in the heart of true disciples, even when our trials threaten to undermine our well-being. Paul writes, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). Paul learned that his difficult external circumstances and his plaguing physical frailties unleashed a greater power at work in and through him, bringing glory to God. This is the power of the grace of the Gospel.
Paul gets more specific as he continues to write, “we are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed — always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh” (2 Corinthians 4:8-11).
Then, he reflects on one more benefit of this journey of grace, marked by pain and perplexity. He writes, “For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God” (2 Corinthians 4:15). Through his trials, Paul tasted deeply of grace and was given a vision of God’s ultimate glory in his life, and through his life in fruitful ministry to others.

Perspective for Today

Today, many of us face pain and perplexity that will not go away. It may be physical, emotional, relational, or financial. God may answer our prayers in a way that removes the pain and solves the immediate problem. He may answer our prayers by unleashing new grace in and through the pain.
Either way, we can embrace the right perspective. Read these words carefully, remembering they came from the heart of a man whose “thorn” never went away. May God give us all grace to live with these truths always in mind.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

Copyright © 2010 Daniel Henderson. All rights reserved.

Who am I?

2010-01-26T22:33:00.004-06:00

Who am I? This is a question I have considered in the past. In Psychology today, however, I realized it's much deeper than just pondering. Carl Rogers, who is the warm, fuzzy, teddy bear of Psychology (and the one I agreed more with) believes that our self concept included all the thoughts and feelings we have in response to this question and if our self concept is positive we tend to view the world as positive and to respond to the world in a positive fashion or vice versa.

So once again, who am I? Well, yeah, I'm Amber. But what else? As I have thought about this, I have come up with the following. I am a Christian, a daughter, a grand-daughter, a sister to 7, an aunt to 5, a friend, a leader, a mentor, a student, a psych major, an admin. Scripture also tells me I am a saint (1 Cor. 1:2). I am the righteousness of God (2 Cor. 5:21). I have been crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). I am a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). Who I am has so many facets and will continue to change. One day I hope to add that I'm a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a college graduate and so much more. Hopefully I'll be a college graduate before I'm a grandmother, but you know what I mean.

As I look at my list and think about what Carl Rogers said, I think he is generally true. It's the whole optimism idea. Optimistic people always see the glass half full, and pessimists see it half empty. So depending on the way you view yourself and situations concerning you, you have that as your worldview. I think though, that if we can change your view of self and situations concerning you, we can change your worldview and outlook. Although I'm only a week into my psych class, so don't take my word on it.

Community

2010-01-24T19:11:00.003-06:00

Community. According to Dictionary.com it means: a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists.

I'm blessed with community. A community of believers who are all striving to look more like Jesus. A people I can go to and be transparent and vulnerable with, while accepted in love. A people who are not afraid to speak truth to me and call out my sin. This type of community is rare. I know, because I have tried for a year and a half to find a group dynamic similar and have not. Therefore, God has led me back.

I was at lunch today and despite engaging in conversation around me; I was also retreating to a place in mind that I was overly aware of what I was a part of. Nothing out of the normal happened at lunch, but a statement by Dusty is what started it. He said how excited he was that we were all having lunch together. I couldn't agree more. It was, for me, surreal that God would bring these men and women into my life. Men and women who are pressing hard into God and seeking in all things, even eating Ted's chicken sandwich, to bring glory to Him.

We had so much fun. What stood out to me, was that we were having a blast, and yet none of the jokes were degrading, vulgar, or offensive. You may be thinking that this is common because I'm with Christians at lunch right after church. Very wrong, friend. I have been with too many after church lunch groups where that is not the case. Some groups it seems no one is having fun unless that type of "fun" is taking place. It's refreshing to be with people who know how to have an appropriate good time.

I praise God from who all blessings flow. I am cherishing the moments and the people surrounding me. I write this with my heart overflowing from both the love of Daddy God, Creator of all things; and a love from brothers and sisters who are also expressions of the love from Daddy. To God be the glory.

Frequency

2010-01-24T19:10:00.001-06:00

In an attempt to both appease my english professor and get a good grade, as well as keeping you people in blog-world informed, I will be writing more frequently about random events in my life. Enjoy!

Blessed

2010-01-11T22:44:00.002-06:00

I'm walking through the bright white gates
Breathing in and out your grace
All around me melodies rise
That echo with the joy inside
So I start to sing

But I can't sing loud enough
I can't sing loud enough
When I'm singing for You my God

With a thunder roll and a brilliant light
Your glory boasts and the heavens shine
The saints and angels stand in awe
Captured by the beauty of it all
So I fall to my knees

But I can't bow low enough
I can't bow low enough
At the vision of You my God

I can't hold it all inside
I'm reaching for the One who brought me out of death and into life
But I can't lift my hands high enough
Life my hands high enough
When I'm reaching for You my God

I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You my God

- Phil Wickham "Cielo" (Heaven and Earth)
=====
I love that song so much! It is one of my favorite worship songs right now. Beautiful!

So I love how God tends to blow me away... all the time. Let me explain. I have started going regularly to Redeemer Bible Church. I did not want to go to this church. Not because of any of the people or theology per say, but I wanted to find a community where I am not under the shadow of my family, but that people can know me as me. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family. Aside from God, they are the most important and cherished people in my life. However, there is a lot of us and I am blessed with an incredible family. I could not be more proud of being a Tinnel, but I feel sometimes as if I easily get "lost in the crowd" so to speak with my family. James is the soldier, loving father/husband and worship leader, Justin & Jason are the rock stars, compassionate, others-minded, servants and worship leaders, Josie, Kiana, Kayla, and Jacob are the little ones so they are just cute and have zeal and spunk for life and an innocent and pure love for God, and my parents are "saints" in the words of others and just have beautiful hearts full of love and compassion for everyone. I am humbled that God would allow me to be a part of such a family, however sometimes I wonder "who is Amber". If someone was to describe my family, what would I be. So I have devoted the last 6 months and will continue to devote the next 6 months to this journey of finding my identity in Christ, finding my worth in Christ, finding my talent in Christ, and my purpose in Christ.

I share this, because at Redeemer, there are people who have known me for almost 20 years, some 15, some 10, some 5, and those who I'm just now meeting have heard about me; so it's not really a place to step out of the Tinnel name. So when God started telling me back in August, I was stubborn and disobedient because I didn't think this is what I wanted. Oh how I was wrong.

I am finding a beauty in not having to "explain" my family. For those who know us, you understand what that means. The people I am doing life with have walked this journey with us, prayed with/for us, and been the hands and feet of Christ in hard times. I am seeing how perfect it is to step back into a community that has faced life's trials with me for two reasons. One, they can see and appreciate, more than others, the progress in my faith and my Christian walk. They knew me before I understood and accepted Christ and have walked this out with me, so can now appreciate the "fruits" of their prayers, encouragement, love and support. Not that I am complete, but God has brought me a long way. Two, I am finding that I'm the most real among these people, because I don't need to put on a face because they know the truth. Had I stepped into a community where I was unknown, the temptation to look or be a certain way to fit in would inevitably creep in, but with this community, they know the core of me and love me anyway. It is a jaw dropping realization that what I have fought for so long, once finally surrendered and obeyed, is becoming one of the most precious things in this season for me.

I could write so much more, about Jordan, about IHOP, about running, about school, about work, about an opportunity that God is placing before me... but I feel like right now I need to spend the rest of the evening in prayer of thanks for where God is placing me. So goodnight friends!

Such class!

2010-01-08T16:19:00.001-06:00

Such a humble man and incredible witness! "I'm standing on the Rock..."

Matthew Begats

2010-01-01T22:22:00.003-06:00

This is hands down one of the greatest songs... especially if you've ever felt yourself struggle through the lineage of Christ in Matthew 1. Enjoy Andrew Peterson singing "Matthew Begats".

Here are the lyrics:
Abraham had Isaac
Isaac, he had Jacob
Jacob, he had Judah and his kin
Then Perez and Zerah
Came from Judah's woman, Tamar
Perez, he brought Hezron up
And then came

Aram, then Amminadab
Then Nahshon, who was then the dad of Salmon
Who with Rahab fathered Boaz
Ruth, she married Boaz who had Obed
Who had Jesse
Jesse, he had David who we know as king

David, he had Solomon by dead Uriah's wife
Solomon, well you all know him
He had good old Rehoboam
Followed by Abijah who had Asa
Asa had Jehoshaphat had Joram had Uzziah
Who had Jotham then Ahaz then Hezekiah

Followed by Manasseh who had Amon
Who was a man
Who was father of a good boy named Josiah
Who grandfathered Jehoiachin
Who caused the Babylonian captivity
Because he was a liar

Then he had Shealtiel, who begat Zerubbabel
Who had Abiud who had Eliakim
Eliakim had Azor who had Zadok who had Akim
Akim was the father of Eliud then
He had Eleazar who had Matthan who had Jacob
Now, listen very closely
I don't want to sing this twice
Jacob was the father of Joseph
The husband of Mary
The mother of Christ

Welcome to a New Year

2010-01-01T18:52:00.003-06:00

I cannot believe it is already 2010. This has been a crazy decade and a wonderful year. And ending 2009 last night was awesome. We had about 30ish people at my house throughout the evening and it was amazing. I played the largest game of Apples to Apples I've ever done.

Tomorrow I start back up with the running and eating healthier. I have taken this week off due to the illness but I kick back in tomorrow. Jordan is starting to show me up and that just can't happen. (I love you Jordan) I'm looking for a 5K that is in May, June, or July and can't find one. Does anyone know of any or any great sites where you can find some? I wanted to do one in June, but I may be in Africa, so I am looking at May or July as well.

People have asked if this is my "new years resolution" and I keep saying no. I don't have any resolutions this year, because I think once you put a goal into that category then you are bound to fail, but if you just a goal for yourself and set your own pace you are more likely to actually see it through to completion. For me I have noticed that resolutions that happen in January do not last because there is an "obligation" that you set on yourself to do it and come February 1 you are no longer doing it. Not because your intention wasn't right, but because of the pressure.

So as you start your new year, just strive daily to make God famous. Know him and make him known. If you can do that this year, then it has been the best year possible. Remember, you start fresh and new, not because today is January 1, but because you are in Christ.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”
2 Corinthians 5:17

Randomness for the year end

2009-12-29T22:03:00.004-06:00

I'd love to say that I'm on day 8 of my running adventure, but sadly I got really sick Saturday night and haven't gotten over it yet. I don't know what I have, but I know it's highly contagious because my mom, brother and 2 sisters got it. I think I'm on the last leg of it, and hopefully by tomorrow I'll be "normal" again and by Thursday everyone else will.

I don't know what to think yet, but one of the reasons I'm ready to be well is so I can go running again. I don't think it's because I enjoy it or am addicted yet, but because it's furthering my story to a 5K. I'm excited about the race so by default I'm excited about the preparing and training.

Speaking of preparing and training, I have convinced Jordan and Ben to run with me. Ben is not excited about it, but Jordan is doing better than I am about remembering to run. She is now the one encouraging me to go. I want to get a group to come, but I don't know if I have friends crazy enough to do this, since almost everyone I have told says "Yeah, that's cool. I hate running, but I'm excited for you." It's okay though, if those same people are at the finish line waiting for me, I will be fully content.

So new exciting news for me, on Monday (January 4) I go to my first Zimbabwe 2010 meeting!!!! I can not wait. We will get an idea of what this trip will involve, the dates (sometime in June), the people interested, the cost, etc. I can't wait to go back. I miss it so much!!! Plus I'll get to see Randy, Jennifer, Charity and Lovejoy (at the very least) who I haven't seen since I left Zim to head to South Africa. None of them went with us onto South Africa for the summit there. I will let you know how that goes.

New Years Eve is day after tomorrow. That is so crazy to me because I feel like I just had last years. In fact, Karen and I still talk about last years, so it can't possibly have been that long ago. Alas, the calendar tells me differently. I'm having a party once again, because it's what I do. This year will be fun though. I am having a bounce house, Wii (Sports and Wii Fit), Apples to Apples (A staple for any event now), Catch Phrase, cards, fireworks, and whatever else fun there is to do at my house. We are also doing "theme" and this year it's "Favorite movie character". I am going as Cher Horowitz, from Clueless.

Don't worry, I'll be wearing more clothes than that in 37 degree weather. My crazy South African friend Leigh Ann is so excited about dressing me up like her barbie doll for it. I told her that it has to be G rated and that I'm wearing jeans because it will be so cold. She isn't happy about the jeans, but is working with me. I'm excited to get ready with her though. She is fabulous. I don't know how many people will be at the party, but even if only 5 people come, we have a way of making it fun.

Oh, other fun news in my life. I went to Redeemer this past Sunday and loved it. I'm not surprised though. I always said that because I love the people that I would love the church, but it was what I really feel God has been leading me to. Of course, I look like a very confused Christian. I am employed by WoodsEdge, volunteer at The Loft (TWUMC), and attend Redeemer. Luckily I am a firm believer in the Church being one with many buildings. WoodsEdge is my employer as Starbucks is Ericha's employer and my volunteering at the Loft doesn't interfere with any Redeemer related stuff. Now, for some who may read this I'm sure it's a, "What? You go to Redeemer?" That would be valid shock, but what's funny is it isn't shocking to me because God has been telling me that is where I should go for months, I just chose to disobey and be selfish in my choices. Please hear this though, I have NOTHING against WoodsEdge or The Loft as a church or anybody in them. Quite opposite actually, I adore and cherish so many people at both churches. Both offer things I love, however neither church offers both of what I need as Redeemer does. Of course, this discussion is another blog post in and of itself. I doubt I'll end up writing it, but if you have questions, I'll answer. HA! I will add this though, mainly for my students at Shift, I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me that easy! :)

Well, this is a random blog to say in the least. I had a hodge-podge of things to say. I will end with my verse of the day and bid you farewell. If I don't blog before Friday, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”
John 14:1-3

Day 3 - Lessons learned

2009-12-24T14:24:00.003-06:00

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compels me

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaoh's court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awaken to the value of her soul
I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear
I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side
I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door
I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

- Sara Groves "When the Saints" (Tell Me What You Know)
=====
Wow! That song has power behind it. If you have not heard it, I recommend getting it on iTunes, watching a video of the song on YouTube, something. Man oh man!

So today is day 3 of my running adventure and I've realized a few things. One: no matter how many articles I read on The Runner's World, it doesn't actually make me a better runner. Two: I get so caught up in the final result, I don't set small, attainable goals for myself. Three: I need to learn to enjoy the journey.

I put those with the running, but really it's what God has been teaching me in life and this new venture of mine has just confirmed it. Let's start with lesson one. I realized I have a lot of books on prayer. More than most people I'm sure; however, reading about prayer, great prayer revivals, incredible men/women of prayer who saw major moves of God on their knees, doesn't make me a prayer person. Reading about it, doesn't produce powerful results that can only come from humbling myself before a Holy God and actually praying. I've also read a lot of books on how to share your faith, how to talk about God to different age groups; but reading about it doesn't actually bring someone to a life-changing knowledge of God. Reading about sharing my faith is not a substitute to actually opening my mouth and speaking of the God who rocks my world. So no matter how much I read, not that reading about these things is wrong, it doesn't make me better at the venture, it just makes my brain have to cram more stuff in it. I need to step out from behind the binding and open my mouth.

The second thing I've learned as I said is that I get so caught up in the end result, that I don't appreciate and set small goals. Once again, looking towards the goal is not a bad thing, but when it takes you away from smaller victories then I will always feel like I'm striving for an unattainable goal. I can strive to be a woman of prayer, but if I focus so much on wanting to be that, how much will I miss out on the person who needs just some who will pray now. I can strive to be a strong leader, but I may miss out of walking broken with someone who just needs a hand to hold on the journey as we go together. I'm learning to celebrate the moment and not just wait for the party.

The third thing, which I think is one of the biggest for me, is that I don't enjoy the journey. Today when I was walking/running with Josie and the 2 dogs, I kept taking a minute to just watch what we going on around me. Some things were as simple as when a large gust of wind would come, watching the fallen leaves blow all over the sidewalk in front of me. Other moments was watching how much Josie was enjoying going for a run with her big sister and watching it in how she looked at me. I am doing this thing most call life, and realized that very few times have I stopped to look at the things around me and make a mental picture of it. I thought today during my day date with Jesus about the people that I may not have said I love you too recently, who I have been thinking about often. It's little moments like that, I don't want to miss. I am learning what it means to be and enjoy the process.

On this Christmas Eve, whether you are opening gifts, spending time with family, or waiting for someone to get on Facebook so you won't be bored anymore, take the time to stop and smell the roses. God made them as a special gift for you today, so enjoy it!

Day 2 - Struggle

2009-12-22T20:20:00.003-06:00

So I said in my last post that one of my goals this year is to become a runner and finish a 5K. That is not as easy as it sounds. Today is my "day 2" attempt at this, and it is not easy. I wish I could flash forward into the moment that running becomes addictive and enjoyable; easier would be nice too.

I think I set myself up for quick disappointment though. Why you ask? Because I would go to the gym 4-5 nights a week with my dad, spend an hour on the elliptical or 10 minutes on elliptical then weights. I thought, surely I'm in much better shape now and this whole running thing won't be as big of a struggle. WRONG! That is not the case with me. I think my heart and lungs are in better shape for me to try, but the muscles I'm using in running are still freaking out on me.

However, I press on. I am determined. I was told today that Jordan & Ben will be waiting for me at the finish line with my family. That is encouraging. To have a group of people cheering me on as I attempt this race is a small dream of mine. The moral support and encouragement is welcomed and encouraged! Now if I can fully convince Ben to run WITH me....

I will try to continue to blog on a regular basis of my progress. If you happen to read this and are in any way supportive of this adventure, I'd love to hear from you. It will help keep me going. I keep reminding myself this is a journey. I am excited about where I'll be a month from now, 3 months from now, and even 6 months from now. I may complain a little on the way, but the end result spurs me on. I pray that as I am training my body for a race, that I allow God to teach me through this experience. Each step I take, each struggle I face will be a lesson. To God be the glory in all aspects of my life.

A look back...

2009-12-21T15:35:00.004-06:00

2010 is upon us in barely over a week, which as it does with most peoples, has gotten me thinking about what happened in 2009 and hopeful for what the new year brings with it. Starting with a look back at 2009, there was quite a few moments that I cherish and hold onto.

January: I started being mentor by Vicki. This is something that has been so huge for me this year, as she has walked with me through some very hard times and been a great source of encouragement and accountability.

February: My favorite things from this year, I WAS HEALED!!! If you have not read that story, click on it because it still gets me excited and in a state of awe by what God did. This single event has radically changed me and strengthened my faith in unbelievable ways.

March: Roxy & Calvin got married and Benji & Brandi got married. These are 2 couples that I adore and I was honored to have a part in each of these weddings. Another favorite from March was the reunion with Haley & Jessie in Dallas. That weekend was SO much fun! I miss those ladies and think another reunion is needed.

April: I went to Break-Thru, which was the first event I'd ever done with TWUMC. It was that weekend that God started stirring my heart to these students and preparing me for the work he had for me to partner with them in. This was also the month I realized I didn't believe God loved me and started a journey of understanding and grasping the true belief of God's love for me.

May: My "Love Does Something" benefit concert for my Zimbabwe trip. This was an extraordinary night of fun and worship. I was dumbfounded by the amazing talent that night and able to raise exactly the right amount of money for my trip.

June: This whole month was really a calm(er) month because I was preparing for my Zimbabwe trip the next month and started "being still" before the Lord and minimizing my "to do" list.

July: ZIMBABWE. This was the month I got to spend in Zimbabwe/South Africa. It is where I met some incredible people, saw the birth of a nation, experienced God like never before, and got confirmation of what I'm supposed to do with my life. Probably the best month of my year! :)

August: This was a hard month, because it was the month that my boss/mentor/friend got laid off at work. I struggled, and at times still do, with frustrations and a lack of understanding as to what happened. I'm blessed that now I am starting to see the plans God had and knowing that he is not finished with mine and Carol's partnership in ministry. This was also the month that two of my best friends, Jeff & Ericha, got engaged. That was an amazing time and something I cherish being able to be a part of. I couldn't be more thrilled.

September: This was when my work with the Rebelbase Student Ministry started. This has been the most fulfilling adventure I've been on in America. I have fallen in love with these students and leaders and look forward to every chance I get to spend time with them.

October: Dallas Road Trip. This weekend blew me away. It fulfillment of the call God placed on my life. It was a perfect next step in my ministry with Rebelbase, as it was a chance to build strong relationships with people. I would say it's because of this event that my love for being involved with Shift really took off, to where it is now my favorite day of the week. I feel like this trip is where I became "one of the family."

November: Twins adoption. This was a precious time for my family, because it was when we finalized the adoption of #7 and #8 Tinnel kiddo. After each adoption I wonder what life was like before we had them, and it's the same with Kayla and Jacob. I could not imagine not having them a apart of this family.

December: Rise of Fall. All-Nighter 2009. These events taught me about myself. Rise of Fall was a beautiful time to get away and reconnect with the Lord. I learned that I have lost a lot of myself through the pain of previous churches and God opened my eyes to how much I have missed out on by not dropping my walls and engaging fully with these students. I have so much I can give that I hold back, but more importantly, these students have so much to teach me if I would engage and embrace the moment with them. All-Nighter 2009 was just an amazing time of lack of sleep. I think due to it being the weekend after Rise of Fall, that I was able to nail down better relationships with precious students I started getting to know at ROF.

That is a quick recap of 2009. In 2010, my goals are: become a "runner" and finish a 5K, and ultimately at the end of next year to be healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and especially spiritually. I can't make resolutions because there is no telling what this next year will bring. However if this time next year I am half as fulfilled as I am today, then it's been a good year.

Take the next 11 days to thank God for the blessing this year has brought along your path and the people he has allowed to come or stay in your life. I pray you enjoy the last few moments of 2009 and are expectant for 2010. I love each of you!

It's been a while...

2009-12-09T22:17:00.004-06:00

I have so many things I want to say and wish I was a better writer so I could properly portray the way I feel. Some things I can't share on here, because I know this goes to Facebook and half the free world would see it, but some things I can try to articulate into some substance of how I feel.

Tonight was that last night of Shift for the Fall semester and that thought alone makes me want to cry. I was telling my friend Alyssa tonight, it's not that I don't realize in 3ish weeks that Shift will start back up, but it's the fact that this semester has meant so much to me. I've felt things I haven't felt in a long time, I've grown in the Lord, I've built awesome relationships and above all I have seen the hand of God move and transform lives of students that I love. To me, I feel as if it can't get better than this; however I know (and love this about God) that He has even more up His sleeve than I can imagine and how much better the Spring can and will be. I don't know where I would be this semester if I didn't have Shift, if Brian didn't take a chance in trusting me to come on board. I cannot even begin to express what all this fall semester has been. Words are not enough to convey it.

Something that struck me on my way to Shift tonight was that God healed me. Now, that sounds simple but I think this is the first time in almost a year (a year in February) that I realized the full extent of what God did last February with my Zimbabwe team. God healed me. God saved me from the grave. This time last year I was in constant, nagging, excruciating pain with every breath that I took. This time last year I was going from doctor visit to doctor visit, x-ray to cat scan praying for a miracle. Praying that this thing can finally end. A little over a year ago, God literally saved me from the grave. As I think about it, the full extent of what I was suffering from before even flying home from Swaziland, there is no logical or medical reason that I even made it home, let alone made it to a doctor in time and was never admitted into the hospital. I have known these simple truths, I have shared with others, but it was tonight that I was hit with a ton of bricks of what exactly God did. Then after allowing me the chance to fight infection, I still suffered 7 (long) months and then by God's grace and love for me, February 23 he instantly healed me... 100%! Really?! I have to believe that I'm here for a purpose. I have to believe that God kept me here because He is not finished with me yet. I have to believe God has something big for me to do. Now, big in the spiritual realm could mean I'm a Godly wife and mother and raise children to be everything God designed them to be; or it could mean that I am supposed to charge hell with a water pistol and see hundreds of lives radically transformed because of the gospel. Either way, however my life plays out, I know and believe that God has a purpose and plan specific for me and I have not reached the climax of my story yet. That is an unbelievable realization. Few people can have that kind of "wow" moment of realization and a near death encounter that wakes them up to this. I praise God, that although in the midst I didn't see it, that He has allowed me to look back and see this very truth.

I wish I could go into all of what I want right here, but this is the part that due to this going out to the free world, I can't fully share what God is doing. I know, only intrigues you more right? Sorry! What I will share is that God is stirring a desire in me to break from my world of comfort and tradition (for lack of a better term) and find out what it means to surrender and live missional. I don't know what that looks like right now, I pray and seek the face of God for direction, but I know that in my future, whether near or distant, I will be stepping into a faith journey I don't know if I'm prepared for. I wait anxiously to see how God plays this out.

I miss Benedict. I miss South Africa. I miss Living Waters church and the Erasmus family. I know that God has called me to minister fully in America and that Africa is my mission, but I miss so much about it. I miss the language and accents. I miss the food. I miss the tea. I miss the simplistic lifestyle. I miss the beauty. I miss the animals. I miss the adventure. I miss the community. I miss the culture. I think about Africa and my friends/family there often, if not daily. I'm thankful for the internet, namely Skype and Facebook, that allows me to talk to Benedict and his parents, TK, Luan, Titi, Lelo, Ncobile, and countless others. Today, I'm thinking fondly of Africa, of the people I love that are there, and am praying for them.

Man, I could share so many more things. There is so much inside me that I want to write down because I process better that way, but at the same time as I stop right now and think, nothing else is coming to mind. So for now, I say goodnight and leave you with my verse of the day.

"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:8-9

New siblings!!!

2009-11-17T21:21:00.002-06:00

Say hello to my new brother and sister!!

Jacob Lee and Kayla Leigh Tinnel

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Things to Ponder

2009-11-03T15:35:00.002-06:00

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? !), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than with Kay.

Shift

2009-10-28T21:04:00.002-06:00

**Disclaimer: The below thoughts are in exclusion to my family and my relationship with God**

So within the last few months I have become involved in one of the most incredible youth groups I've seen since I was a student IN youth group. Through random chance (ok, so through God's divine working behind the scenes) I get a video from Brian McCormack asking me to get involved in Shift. I'd heard a little about Shift, because for the past 2ish years I've been going on Sunday mornings to Crowded House and they would talk about their Wednesday night bible study; however, I never thought much about it. To make a long story short, Brian asked me to try out an informal "let's talk about the vision of Shift" meeting and from the moment I met the group of leaders, I was hooked. I stayed after about an hour and a half talking to three guys I'd never seen before, and one I'd only talked to once. I won't say that it was Ryan, Ben, Boose, and Ken that made me stay, but their random conversation (which I can still quote some of...) and welcoming demeanor, I knew it could only get better.

I prayed so hard about whether or not God wanted me to take on more time in my schedule and if this is really what he wanted for me for this season of my life. I knew God had called me to work with students, he made that apparent in July 2008 sitting on the roof in Manzini, Swaziland, but I was waiting for the "perfect job" where I could fulfill this calling. It was during those prayer times that God reminded me that he's called me to work with students, but he didn't say it'd always be paid. So I stepped on board and it has been the best thing I've ventured into.

Working with these students, the team of leaders, and praying daily over them has been the only place (see disclaimer) in my life where I feel I have purpose, where I feel appreciated, where I feel fulfilled, where I feel needed, and where I feel accepted. It is with this group of people I feel the most authentic and vulnerable with. This group and the people involved in this ministry have loved me with open arms, even after finding out my flaws. They know of my past addiction, they know of my screw ups, they know of my struggles, they know my short comings; yet, I feel accepted, loved, and valued in spite of, or maybe because of, my past. They allow me to be who I am with no judgment. They love me when I've had a hell of a week and walk in on Wednesday nights with a chip on my shoulder (in fact, that might happen to much... sorry guys) and they love me when I'm at my peek and loving life. They love me when I'm loud (which is a lot) and on days I need to be quiet. They love me when I'm making a fool of myself or crying in the back.

It is through this ministry that I have built authentic relationships and connect with some of the most beautiful people I've ever known. I love each leader and each student with all that I am. When they hurt, I am broken. When they celebrate, I'm throwing the party. Whether it's Doolittle's uncle or Heidi's dad, I carry them in prayer each moment. If it's a salvation or a deeper understanding of God, I praise my Daddy who's allowed me to experience it with them. There is not anything else in my life (see disclaimer) that I would chose over this. I will fight for these students, I will fight for this leadership, and I will fight for the work I see God doing each week. I know that God has called me and allowed me to be a part of his movement with this incredible group. I am humbled that God would find me worthy! I praise God every day for what He has done and how is has used me. I thank God for each student I know by name, each leader by name, and over each one I have yet to meet. I love this family of believers I get to do life with and I couldn't imagine not being able to fulfill this calling on my life.

Thank you to each person who is involved, student or leader. I pray you know how deeply I love you and how blessed I am by your presence in my life. I'd list you by name, but there are so many, so if you attend Shift (and/or Crowded House) then I am saying this directly to you:

I love you with everything I know how!!

50 Ways to be a Good Neighbor

2009-10-20T21:44:00.000-05:00

“50 Ways to be a Good Neighbor” by: Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Hartgrove

1. Fast for the 2 billion people who live on less than a dollar a day.
2. Contact your local crisis pregnancy center and invite a pregnant woman to live with your family.
3. Ask your pastor if someone on your church’s sick list would like a visit.
4. Join an open AA meeting and befriend someone there.
5. Adopt a child.
6. Mow your neighbor’s grass.
7. Volunteer to tutor a kid at your local elementary school. (Try to get to know the kid’s family.)
8. Grow your own tomatoes–and share them.
9. Ask a small group in your community to meet regularly for intercessory prayer.
10. Build a wheel chair ramp for someone who is homebound.
11. Read the newspaper to someone at your local nursing home.
12. Plant a tree.
13. Look up the closest registered sex offender in your neighborhood and try to befriend him.
14. Throw a birthday party for a prostitute.
15. When you pay your water bill, pay your neighbor’s too (they’ll let you… really).
16. Invest money in a micro-lending bank.
17. Ask the next person who asks you to spare some change to join you for dinner.
18. Leave a random tip for someone who’s cleaning the streets or a public restroom.
19. Write one CEO a month this year. Affirm or critique the ethics of their company (you may need to do a little research first).
20. Start tithing (giving 10%) of all your income directly to the poor.
21. Connect with a group of migrant workers or farmers who grow your food and visit their farm. Maybe even pick some veggies with them. Ask what they get paid.
22. Give your winter coat away to someone who is colder than you and go to a thrift store to get a new one.
23. Write only paper letters (by hand) for a month. Try writing someone who needs encouragement or who you should say “I’m sorry” to.
24. Go TV free for a year. Or turn your TV into a pot where flowers grow.
25. Laugh at advertisements, especially ones that teach you that you can by happiness.
26. Organize a prayer vigil for peace outside a weapons manufacturer such as Lockheed Martin. Read the Sermon on the Mount out loud. For extra credit, do it every week for a year.
27. Go down a line of parked cars and pay for the meters that are expired. Leave a little note of niceness.
28. Write to one social justice organizer or leader each month just to encourage them.
29. Go through a local thrift store and drop $1 bills in random pockets of the clothing being sold.
30. Experiment with creation-care by going fuel free for a week–ride a bike, carpool, or walk.
31. Try only reading books written by females or people of color for a year.
32. Go to an elderly home and get a list of folks who don´t get any visitors. Visit them each week and tell stories, read the bible together, or play board games.
33. Track to its source one item of food you eat regularly. Then, each time you eat that food, pray for those folks who helped make it possible for you to eat it.
34. Create a Jubilee fund in your Church congregation, matching dollar for dollar every dollar you spend internally with a dollar externally. If you have a building fund, create a fund to match it to give away and by mosquito nets or dig wells for folks dying in poverty.
35. Become a pen-pal with someone in prison.
36. Give your car away to a stranger.
37. Convert your car to run off waste vegetable oil.
38. Try recycling your water from the washer or sink to flush your toilet. Remember the 1.2 billion folks who don´t have clean water.
39. Wash your clothes by hand, or dry them by hanging to remember those without electricity or running water. Remember the 1.6 billion people who do not have electricity.
40. Buy only used clothes for a year.
41. Cover up all brand names, or at least the ones that do not reflect the upside-down economics of God’s Kingdom. Commit to only being branded by the cross.
42. Learn to sew or start making your own clothes to remember the invisible faces behind what we wear. Take your kids to pick cotton so they can see what that is like (and then read James).
43. Eat only a bowl of rice a day for a week to remember those who do that for most of their life (take a multivitamin). Remember the 30,000 people who die each day of poverty and malnutrition.
44. Begin creating a scholarship fund so that for every one of your own children you send to college you can create a scholarship for an at-risk youth. Get to know their family and learn from each other.
45. Visit a worship service where you will be a minority. Invite someone to dinner at your house or have dinner with someone there if they invite you.
46. Help your church congregation create a Peacemaker Scholarship and give it away to a young person trying to avoid the economic draft, who would like to go to college but sees no other way than the military.
47. Eat with someone who does not look like you. Learn from them.
48. Confess something you have done wrong to someone and ask them to pray for you.
49. Serve in a homeless shelter. For extra credit, go back and eat or sleep in the shelter and allow yourself to be served.
50. Join a Yokefellows ministry at a prison close to you. Remember that Jesus said he would meet you there (Matt. 25).

Restoration

2009-10-05T08:30:00.004-05:00

This is a song from the One Thing conference and I've been in love with it since I heard it; but then this weekend at Dallas Road Trip they sang it (at The Village) and I had to find it. So here it is... enjoy the beauty of this and the phenomenal singers from IHOP!!!

"Restoration" by: David Brymer

You bring restoration
You bring restoration
You bring restoration
to my soul

You've taken my pain
called me by a new name
You've taken my shame
and in it's place, You give me joy

You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take weeping and turn it into laughing
You take mourning and turn it into dancing
You take my sadness and turn it into joy

hallelujah, hallelujah
You make all things new, all things new

When was the last time you wept for your city?

2009-09-18T14:37:00.004-05:00

This is a video my good friend Brian made over a year ago. I remember watching it and being overwhelmed with emotion and conviction. Today, as I was wasting time on youtube, I came across this video once again. Just like it did the last time, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I might have cried over my city since that video, but still my burden to see a lost and dying world come to a knowledge of the love of Jesus Christ and the sacrifice He made on behalf of each of us... it still more times than not gets pushed away with busyness and pride and I don't speak, I don't weep for my city near enough.

This morning as I was spending time with the Lord, I was reminded that I am a personal witness of Christ. Acts 1:8 says "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth. A great quote I found from Charles Spurgeon says that, answering a student's question, "Will the heathens who have not heard the Gospel be saved?" replied, "it is more a question with me whether we, who have the Gospel and fail to give it to those who have not heard, can be saved." I do not want to be that person. I must go to the world and share the personal truth of what the cross of Jesus Christ did for me.

Oh Jesus, give me the boldness and opportunity to proclaim the love of God to a hurting soul.

Singing w/ angels

2009-09-17T15:43:00.003-05:00

Jason Upton – unique, gifted, anointed worship leader. Watch this video of a bandmate talking about a particular encounter they had leading worship in Alexandria, Louisiana:

Now watch this video with the live audio. Just watch the whole thing – the song is powerful! Remember – Michael, who gave the testimony in the video above, said there were no background vocalists performing, or even onstage, during the tracking of this song.

THAT is awesome. It gives me chills!!

(Original post via Zach Hendricks)

Activate

2009-08-25T21:21:00.003-05:00

Let me spend some time and explain part of the reason I'm so busy and haven't updated. I will save my favorite part until the end. :)

A few weeks ago, my dad and I spoke and he mentioned how he thinks I spend to much time at home, in my room, and that I should get out more. We threw around a couple ideas of what that would look like and although few of our decisions have actually happened, I have decided to do more. Take for example, last Friday night.

I have spoke numerous times of my Monday night small group of girls. We did not meet over the summer due to our crazy schedules and now that we are all back in town, have decided to start up again. Our official kickoff for our small group is September 10 but we were insistent that we did not want to wait that long to spend time together. Last Friday night, we all went out to dinner at Pei Wei (Oh my yum!) and then we to see the Shine children's musical at the church. We had so much fun! I love those girls and I am so blessed by their friendship. It was a time of carefree laughter and deep thought provoking conversation all within a few hours.

I also have started going to the gym 4-5 nights a week with my dad. That has been amazing! I look forward to it and notice nights/days when I haven't worked out. I feel better about myself and I have significantly more energy. I also received an added bonus when I found out since I've started working out, I have lost a total of 9 inches!! I mean really, come on! That is awesome! So needless to say, I have received my added boost to keep going.

However, my favorite endeavour that has taken up my time is Activate. I can not tell you enough of how amazing this discipleship experience is. It is an 8 months discipleship experience that is broken down into four, two month sections a time. It is about giving you a small amount of head knowledge and then for you throughout the week to live out (to Activate) your faith. I have two different small groups, one is co-gender and the other is gender specific. I am blessed with INCREDIBLE people in both groups. No, seriously!!! No... really... they are amazing!! In my co-gender group I have Alison, Joe, Lindsey, Trevor, Greg, and Jesse and then in my gender specific group I have Alison, Lindsey, Krista, Shelbie, and Chelsea. We have done this for three weeks now (plus orientation and an all day prayer retreat) and I have already seen not only strong relationships and deep transparency, but significant thought pattern change and growth. I have seen God move more in three weeks with Activate than I've seen in a LONG time in the American church. I know that this experience will radically change, not only our lives who are participants, but the church as a whole and bring revolution to a seeking generation.

That is a small portion of what I've been up to lately. God is moving and I'm seeing his hand in so many avenues. Before I go though, please pray for wisdom and direction from the Lord. Due to the fact that these posts are sent to facebook, I will not write the specifics but you can email me if you want to know what it is. Vaguely, I feel God has laid a path before me that I am confident in, I am just waiting upon the Lord for the next step to take. Thank you so much and I love you dearly!!

God on the side of the road

2009-08-20T11:35:00.002-05:00

One of my friends posted this on facebook today, and I was more convicted than I can tell you, so I wanted to share this with my blog world. (I hope you don't mind Travis)
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What is the first thought that comes into your head when you pull up to a stop light, and there is a homeless person on the corner asking for money? I think if you're honest with yourself sometimes it's not a very good thought. I encountered this situation yesterday and it changed my life.
As I pull up to the light I see ahead a man standing next to the road. Clothes torn, he has a cast on his right arm, and a cup in his left hand. Now before I even have time to feel compassion or love for this man, my human instincts kick in and I imidiately start saying to myself "turn green, turn green, turn green". Well turns out I don't have magical powers so I sat at the light. As I watched him ask for money I selfishly was thinking don't come back here. Then I started thinking this guy is just lazy, or why doesn't he go get a job instead of just begging for money. And just like that with in 5 seconds I had labled this guy a bad man, while knowing nothing about him. And for whatever reason, my plans for the next few months came into my head. I am going to be looking to buy a truck soon, so now in my head Im going over what kind I want, what looks good, what kind of loan I'm gonna take out. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. What is worse? A man who has absolutely nothing and is asking for some change just to get some food or water to survive. Or me, a guy who has pretty much everything he needs and is asking the bank for money, because what he has now doesn't look good enough. And one would think that would be enough to convict a person. But being the people we are, we don't like to feel convicted do we? So what did I do? I did what any other human would do, I tried to justify the situation. I said ok so what if I did give this guy some money, he's just gonna spend it on alcohal. Or better yet he's probably a drug addict and will spend it on drugs, so really Im helping him out by not giving. And just when I start to feel better about myself, as if I deserve that, God once again uses my life to tear me down. What is worse? A man who uses every penny he get's to feed an addiction that will make him feel good. Or me, a guy who uses every extra penny he has on thing's that make him feel good, like shoe's, tv's, and car's. And if you don't think those are addictions I dare you to go just one week without any of them. And if you think this is the end of the story and I went back and helped the guy out, you would be giving me to much credit. Once again I tried to convince myself I was a better person than this man. I said it's ok for me to buy and to have these thing's because I am only spending my extra money. First I take care of the things I need, he doesn't have any of the things he needs. And after that I was left with one last question. And I want you to ask yourself the same question.

Why are my extra's NOT his needs?

Eternity

2009-08-09T20:32:00.003-05:00

Rise Up

2009-08-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

I am blessed among the people
I am blessed among the Nations
I am blessed because I am loved by You
I am loved and highly favored
Saved by the grace of a Mighty Savior
I am blessed because I am loved by You

No weapon formed against me will prosper
No curse can ever take His promises from me
When hope is gone and the darkness has fallen
I will still believe, I will still believe

I will rise up
I will rise up
I will rise up and call myself blessed

God.

2009-08-04T18:24:00.003-05:00

God. Yahweh. Jehovah. Yeshua. Abba. I am. So many names for GOD.

I have no "ideas about God" after my trip. Who is God? I can tell you, he is not a westernized spirit who remains dormant until Jesus returns.

I did not realized I had God in a box. I did not realize I had a "simple" view of God... until Zimbabwe. I thought I had a rather large box for God; powerful, jealous, omnipotent, in control, yet loving, compassionate, merciful. I thought I allowed God room to move... some space to stretch his arms a bit. See the problem was... it was still a box. It was still a small idea of what my brain could wrap around. It was still limiting God to this picture of humanity without awe.

I heard stories. Stories of powerful signs and wonders. I read about them. I mean, just read the first church in Acts. Stories. That is all they were. Fun things you tell around the campfire. Might have happened once, sometimes twice, but not today. Sure, God could still do it... he just chose not too! See, I believe we all feel this way, but being the "good Christian" no one will admit they have a low view of God, or that their is disbelief. "No! Not me, never."

God did things in Africa that don't fit into my "idea of God". I saw things, felt things, experienced things, said things, did things, heard things... none of which fit with what I knew or thought about God.

I'm still in the "processing" stages. People at work keep trying to get me to tell them about my trip and what happened; yet words seem to cheapen what happened. I feel that words are inadequate, and I rarely feel that way. I can't describe it, because I can't wrap my brain around it yet. I told my missions mama, Diane, that I miss being around the team because then I can just say "wow" and the people around me understand the grandeur of that word.

God. Yahweh. Jehovah. Yeshua. Abba. I am. So many names for GOD.

Africa or America?

2009-07-30T18:15:00.003-05:00

Africa or America? That is my dilemma and prayer right now. Lord, what is your will for my life? What is the path you are leading me on?

I am hearing from a number of people, "This is tailor made for you", "This is the chance of a lifetime", "This is God's desire for you". And yet, on the other side of the spectrum I hear, "I think you're to close to your family", "You would miss out on too much", "I don't think you will last". So I sit and pray for wisdom. I want to hear the voice of the Lord. I want to know His will for my life.

I think about my friends in Hoedspruit. Benedict, Renee, Leon, Lettie, Ricu, Melody, Zanette and countless others. I think of the possibility of seeing them on a regular basis. I think about being able to do life together.

I think about my friends in Spring. Ericha, Karen, Jeff, Paul, Bethany, Colton, Brandi and countless others. I think about what it would be like not to have their encouragement and randomness every day. I think about what I would miss out on. I think about how much I would miss them.

I think about my family. Mom, Dad, Josie, Kiana, Jacob, Kayla, Justin & Rachel and their baby, Jason, James & Sherry with their four, Papa & Tutu. I think about all the firsts I would miss with the twins. I think about them forgetting me. I think about all the "life" things I'd miss with Josie & Kiana. I think about missing the first year of Baby Tinnel's life. I think about the many talks I have with mom and what missing that would be like. I think about the times I spend with dad and not having those.

I think about ministry. In South Africa I would have constant ministry helping Lettie devolep 24/7 prayer throughout Hoedspruit. I would help Chad & Vickie in other nations of Africa ministering to Jr. High and High schoolers about abstinence. I would help be the organization for the teams that came in and making sure everything works out. In Texas I help keep the 24/7 prayer room functioning.

Lord, please give me a clear sign where you want me to spend 2010. Help me discern your voice over the voices of others. Give me peace in either decision.

Recap: Victoria Falls

2009-07-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

I was going to go through and describe each photo, where I was and what I was thinking; but I would rather you just enjoy the beauty that these photos tried to capture of Victoria Falls. I can say, it was one of the most spiritual and beautiful experiences of my life. Enjoy! :)

The mist was so strong due to the power of the falls that all I could capture was the white mist coming up from the center of the falls.

Rainbows were everywhere you turned, even on dry land!

Recap: Zimbabwe

2009-07-29T08:49:00.002-05:00

I am home! 8 of our team arrived in Houston at 12:15pm yesterday after 40 hours of travel. Colin (our fearless leader) is spending an extra week in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe to see his family and Yvette and Cindy are continuing ministry in Durban and Cape Town. Please keep them in your prayers!!

Well, here are some photos that will give some visuals to what I've been writing. This first photo is my full team of 13 in the Johannesburg airport waiting to head to Victoria Falls. This is the only photo I have of all 13 of us because Randy and Jennifer Campbell did not come to the Falls or South Africa with us because of a prior commitment that called them back to the states.

Left to Right: Yvette (Tan jacket & scarf), Josh (Camo bandana), Ruth (Black Jacket), Randy (Plaid button down and black jacket), Me, Jennifer (Purple shirt), Clay (holding the red/white/blue armadillo), Cindy (green scarf), Colin (Blue hawaiian shirt), John (sweater vest), Dena (brown scarf), Darrell (Black jacket) and Diane (red jacket)

This is TK (Ayanda is his real name) who was our worship leader at the Seed Sowers Prayer Summit. I have never met anyone with more of anointing and intimacy with God. He is 22 years old and from Bulawayo, Zimbabwe. I was blessed to spend a lot of time with him and fell in love with his heart. God will be doing amazing things in and through him and I'm excited to be a part of the story with him.

Along with TK, we had a team of 20 come down from South Africa, who assisted in the music for worship. It was a collection of students from 17-19 years old (a few 22 year olds) who have a huge passion for the Lord. Combined with TK's anointing and the anointing of those students, God's manifest glory showed up through the music in powerful ways that brought about healing and reconciliation.

At the summit was had a bunch of nations combine to see restoration to Zimbabwe. Below is a picture of the nations coming together in unity and healing between nations. The nations represented at the Seed Sowers Prayer Summit was: United States, Mozambique, Zimbabwe, New Zealand, Israel, Gauna, India, United Kingdom, South Africa, Zambia, Rwanda, Malawi, Cuba and Congo. It was incredible to see healing happen between the nations for the glory of God.

Along with the healing of the nations, we saw great healing between genders, political power, and race. Below is a picture of Colin (a white Zimbabwean) and Lovejoy (a colored Zimbabwean) washing the feet of Mama Mwela (a colored Zimbabwean woman). There was healing, repentence, and forgiveness between the men of Africa to the women of Africa for the way they have been treated. That is when the washing of Mama's feet took place on behalf of the men to the women. It was a powerful moment. We also had foot washings of Colin (a white Zimbabwean) of Lovejoy (a colored Zimbabwean) and vice versa.

After a time of repentence, forgiveness, and reconciliation, we had a time of corporate stillness. We were on our face, complete still and quiet before the Lord for an hour. Each person (300) at the summit was facing five (5) open windows and were seeking the Lord and asking for him to show up. It was beyond words. The power that overcame us in the stillness is something I will never forget. I experienced God in a way I've never known before.

After the summit was over and the delegates had left, we had Ambrose come up to us. He works at the Elephant Hills Hotel. He was working on Saturday afternoon during the summit. Ambrose has struggled with severe hearing issues. He was significantly deaf in one ear and about 50% deaf in the other ear. (I apologize I don't remember the exact hearing deficiency he had). When Ambrose was working, he walked past the room the summit was happening and was instantly heal. Do you get that? From significant hearing problems to restored hearing just by WALKING BY the room the summit was going on it. He never once entered that room. WOW! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

The next few days I will add Victoria Falls photos, South Africa photos and photos from our private game tour; but today I give you a small glimpse into Zimbabwe. Thank you for your prayers throughout this summit. Please pray that what we experienced in Africa would not fade away now that we are in the states. We want to keep the fire burning!! I love you all!!!

You Hold Me Now

2009-07-12T12:11:00.002-05:00

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

Where Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

-Hillsong United "You Hold Me Now" (A_Cross // The_EARTH: Tear Down the Walls)
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So last Sunday my older brother, Justin, who is the worship leader at my church, sang this song. As I am preparing for Zimbabwe, this song blew my mind and I fell in love with it. I look forward to this day! I look forward to being able to sharing that with the Zimbabweans that I will come in contact with this very truth.

In the months leading up to this trip I have been given web article after web article about the turmoil going on in Zimbabwe because of Robert Mugabe. Very real truths for the people in that nation. If you don't know, Robert Mugabe has been called the "Hitler" of today. These people are enslaved, in such chaos and intense persecution. It is so tragic to hear these stories, and then tomorrow being able to witness it first hand.

This song, and the truth of God's Word, brings so much hope though. Hope is the very thing these people need. Hope is what they long for. People want to know that one day the persecution will end. So upon hearing this song, I rejoiced because it talks about the day that will happen. That there will come a day when there is no weeping, hurting, pain, darkness, suffering, sickness, or lame. That on that glorious day, when Jesus Christ returns in GLORY, that the struggles of this world, the turmoil so many believers experience on a daily basis will come to end!! That "The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." (Romans 16:20). How amazing that upon Jesus' return, we will see the evil one get the judgment due him! WHOO!! Man, how glorious that day will be!!

So I say that to share, as I am 24 hours away from embarking once again on my journey into Africa, I am reminded of the HOPE I carry with me. I am reminded of the day to come to share this salvation, this peace, this HOPE with a nation in utter destruction. I am going to revolutionize a nation for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

For updates on my trip go to: http://africamovement.blogspot.com because this will be the last time I update until I return!! I love you!! Thank you for your prayer!!

Zimbabwe Prayer Guide

2009-07-10T23:55:00.000-05:00

Prayer Journey to inherit Zimbabwe/South Africa
Daily Prayer Guide

Day 0 – July 12 (day before we leave, preparation/peace time)
Please pray for peace to guard our hearts and minds (peace for our families as well). Also, that Jehovah-Rapha (God our healer) will keep us healthy and well.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Day 1 – July 13 (begin our travel journey from TX (2pm)– GA – Johannesburg, SA)
Please pray for safe travels, smooth transitions, customs clearance (green lights) and safe arrival of all people and luggage.
Psalm 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Day 2 – July 14 (continue to travel)
Please pray for grace, patience and good health as we continue to travel.
Psalm 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Day 3 – July 15 (continue to travel)
Please pray for team unity and unity within the pastors/leaders gathering for the Prayer Summits. Also, that we will wear love, the perfect bond of unity.
Psalm 133:1 How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
Colossians 3:14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Day 4 – July 16 (arrive in Victoria Falls)
Please pray for the Lord to release the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation in the knowledge of Jesus. That we as a team and the leaders in the land attending the Summit will have open eyes/ears to see/hear what the Lord is doing and saying.
Ephesians 1:17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Pray also for the spirit of worship, repentance, and the tearing down of strongholds through repentance for founding trickery by Cecil Rhodes, repentance for racial injustice, and repentance for other idol and occultic worship
2 Cor 10:3-6 - 3For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 4For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. 5We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 6 being ready to punish every disobedience,when your obedience is complete.

Day 5 – July 17 (Victoria Falls Summit day 1)
Please pray for our hearts to all be rooted and grounded in love, that we may be strengthened in our inner man through the power of the Holy Spirit and be able to comprehend with all of the saints the width, length, breadth, depth of His love towards us.
Ephesians 3:16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Pray also for the Church and leadership to unite and prayer for uniting the body of Christ and prayer Ministry alliances for 24/7 House of Prayer in all cities. Pray also for evangelism with miracles, signs and wonders in Zimbabwe.

Day 6 – July 18 (Victoria Falls Summit day 2)
Please pray for the Lord to pour out His Spirit in full measure bringing break through and revival in the precious name of His Son Jesus.
Joel 2:28 "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.

Please also pray for church leaders, pastors, and ministry leaders, government leaders, business leaders, and health and education leaders.

Day 7 – July 19 (visit local VF churches)
Please pray for Zimbabwe to be the Lord’s inheritance. That He will bring restoration to the land and people as they humble themselves and seek His face.
Psalm 2:8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Pray also for the development of peaceful relationship in every level of the economy, peaceful relationships with neighboring countries, and for God’s governance in Zimbabwe

Day 8 – July 20
Please pray that all involved in this mission trip (leaders, pastors, prayer missionaries, family and friends) would come to the knowledge of Jesus in a deeper heart impacting way. Also, that we would see Him as our exceedingly great reward at all times and understand that we are His inheritance just as He is ours.
Ephesians 1:18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints
Genesis 15:1 After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.”

Day 9 – July 21
Please pray that we would walk in continual testimonies of Jesus and would live by God’s standards of righteousness, hope, fear of the Lord and meekness that we may partake in inheriting the land of the United States, Zimbabwe and South Africa.
Psalm 37:9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
Psalm 37:11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy great peace.
Psalm 37:29 the righteous will inherit the land and dwell in it forever.
Psalm 37:34 Wait for the LORD and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

Day 10 – July 22
Please pray that the Lord would give Zimbabwe and South Africa treasures and riches that He has specifically stored up for them for such a time as this.
Isaiah 45:3 I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

Day 11 – July 23 (travel to SA)
Please pray for the Lord to provide safe and effective travel to South Africa. That we will have a pleasant time traveling, visiting and building relationships with one another.
Philippians 4:19 My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
John 1:16 For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.

Day 12 – July 24 (SA Summit day 1)
Please pray for an awakening in our hearts and the hearts of the Prayer Summit delegates. That lasting change would result from the awakening and life giving refreshment of His Spirit.
Acts 13:29 Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. 30Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus."

Pray also for the building of local and global partnerships, healing of the land and bringing farmers back to Zimbabwe, and manufacturing redevelopment.

Day 13 – July 25 (SA Summit day 2)
Please pray for the ministry of His presence to transform our hearts and lives.
Psalm 16:11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 34:4-6 I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

Pray also for families in Zimbabwe, for Fathers to stand as leaders, for strong mothers, and the children and orphans.

Day 14 – July 26 (visit local SA churches)
Please pray for Hope to be in the hearts of the locals, hope to pray and trust in God that His desire is for them and for healing their land as they seek His face. Also, that hope would transform them into wholehearted lovers of Jesus with deeper intimacy and greater faith in Him.
Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Day 15 – July 27 (travel back to US)
Please pray for safe travels, smooth transitions, customs clearance (green lights) and safe arrival of all people and luggage.
Psalm 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

Day 16 – July 28 (arrive in US)
Please pray for our re-entry back into the United States. That we would stay healthy, strong, pure in heart and not fall into temptation as we enter back into our comfort zones.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Day 17 – July 29 (recuperation, back to life in States)
Please pray for a smooth transition back into life in the States. That we would only have the burden of the Lord and give all other burdens to Him because He cares. Protection from the evil one. Intimacy with Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Matthew 11:29-30 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Isaiah 54:17 "No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me," declares the LORD.
Song of Solomon 7:10 I belong to my lover and his desire is for me.

Praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness!
Great and Marvelous are your works Lord God Almighty!!! Just and True are your ways!! (Rev 15:3)

Be still

2009-06-30T20:44:00.006-05:00

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 46:10

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Exodus 14:14

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes."
Psalm 37:7

"Be still before the LORD, all mankind, because he has roused himself from his holy dwelling."
Zechariah 2:13
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Do you see a theme? Do you catch the pattern? This is only a small fraction of the verses where God charges, challenges, or commands us to be still before Him. You would find a whole other set of verses if you were to look up "quiet" or "rest".

This is a topic that God has been trying to open my eyes too, but it wasn't until last night that I got the message. For about two weeks now, God has whispered to me, "Hey Amber, you have to much on your plate, you are running to hard and to fast. Stop! Sit! Come find quiet in my presence. Let me spend significant time with you. Let me woo you and renew your spirit. You have a lot about to hit, spend time and rest in me. If you don't now, you won't find the time. Life will always be going but stop and sit with me." Of course, my response has been, "Ok, I would like that. Let me finish this and then I will. Really, this is the last thing and then I would love to sit with you." Then of course, the "last thing" always keeps going and my response becomes, "God, I don't need rest. I know you think I need renewal, but really I'm good. I know you love me, you don't have to woo me. Plus, I'm doing all of this for you, why don't you meet me in my busyness."

Let me tell you, I am now at a place where God has slapped me in the face. He has, through every outlet in my life, said enough is enough. It is time to rest in me. Of course, God is quite the gentleman and doesn't force himself upon me, but has his way of gently nudging me about his truth. So as I have finally arrived at a point that I know I need to be still, I have wondered, why is this command so hard for us to accept. Why do we not heed this command? Jesus told the Pharisees, "You search the scriptures, thinking in them you have eternal life, but they point to Me." How much is that us? We search the scripture, we don't cheat, we try not to lie (but that sin isn't as bad, right?), we do not have sex prematurely, we honor our fathers and mothers (do we know what that even means?), we have our hour quiet time every day, we serve in the children's ministry, we go to church every Sunday AND Wednesday, and we even throw in bible studies (four isn't to many right?). But see, just as Jesus told the Pharisees, I think he often is telling us, "You do these things and you think that these will bring about eternal life, but guess what, you're missing the point! All of these point to ME!"

So what will it take for us to slow down and sit? Do we know how to sit? Is it ok to be quiet? YES! God does not desire perfection or a full list of Christian duties checked off the "to-do" list, God desires for us to be with him, to delight in him, and to enjoy him. I think David is one of the few who got it. Psalm 51:16-17 says, "You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise"

I challenge you today, live a life of stillness. Protect your time with the Lord. Do not allow good intentions to separate you from enjoying the presence of God. If you haven't today, STOP! Be still and sit with your Creator. Let him love on you and sing over you with gladness.

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Desperate

2009-06-29T21:50:00.009-05:00

Desperation - reckless or dangerous because of despair or urgency, having an urgent need, desire, leaving little or no hope.

That is how dictionary.com describes what it means to be desperate or in a state of desperation. I have figured out, that in America, we do not know what it means to be desperate. Even in our times of most need, we are not without being able to fulfill that need. We may be really hungry, but we have a means of getting food. We may be negative in our bank account, but not without a chance to earn money. We do not know what it means to be at the point of, "if I don't get this, I will die."

When I think about the closest I have come to being desperate was last summer. I was extremely ill after Swaziland. We were leaving Johannesburg and coming back to the states. When our plane arrived in Newark, we had to go through customs and rush to make our connecting flight. I was only using a small portion of my lungs and could not take 3 steps without gasping for air. So when my leader told me to run to the other side of the airport, I physically could not do it. I was desperate for air. I was gasping for one breath that would ease the pain. I was physically paralized from pain. It was in that moment that I was closest to desperation, however I still don't feel as if I understand the means of needing something so bad that my life depended on it. Not even when I was gasping for air.

I bring that up, because my soul longs to be desperate for the Lord. I want to be in a place where if I don't get a glimpse of the Lord, if I don't connect with him, I will be dead. I want to be in a place where I am desperate. I do not care about being polite, about looking like a fool, or about being civilized, because if I don't meet with the Lord RIGHT NOW I will be dead. I do not want to "look cool", I do not want to "appeaze others", I do not want to be the perfect "church lady", I want to charge the grain truck. I want to do whatever I can, at whatever cost, to touch the hem of his garment. I want to push through the crowd, elbowing others, just to be in his presence.

Lord, teach us what it meant to be desperate. Teach us what it means to desire you above everything else. God, I so want to be desperate for you, but as a westernized Christian, I have not known need. Teach me what it means to NEED you. Teach me what it means to "charge the grain truck."

A book I am reading put Matthew 5:3 into terms in a way that I can wrap my mind around. It opened my eyes to truths above. The verse says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I want to share a portion of this book that blew my mind.

"The kingdom of heaven. That's where God the Father keeps His wealth and treasure. The kingdom of heaven is where we find grace and mercy. The kingdom of heaven is where hearts get mended and bodies get healed. The kingdom of heaven is where we dance in the arms of our Beloved. My heart longs for the peace and stillness of heaven being near...
Blessed means that you and I have been approved by God. He is pleased. We are acting in a way that give him honor. We have truly found His heart in a matter...
In this case, when Jesus said poor, He meant utterly destitute, poverty stricken, helpless. And so Jesus is saying, God approves of those who know poverty of spirit, and He gives to them the fullness of His presence."
(Do you think I'm beautiful by: Angela Thomas)

Anyone else wow'd by that? I desire to be in the full presence of God. To walk in a manner, where in everything I do, it is surrounded with the unmistakable presence of God. But according to that verse, how do I get it? By being desperate. So to get the fullness of God's presence in my life, I have to know a life of desperation before the Lord and a poverty of spirit. It is in that that the Lord approves.

I want to live a life that God approves, do you? I long to be in a place with the fullness of God's presence. I challenge you today, ask God to give you a spirit of desperation so you can be approved by God and experience the fullness of His presence in your life. I am doing the same!!

Be blessed today in the knowledge of God!

18 days...

2009-06-25T13:23:00.001-05:00

Our beloved Father please come down and meet us
We are waiting on Your touch
Open up the heavens shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love

We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won’t be satisfied at all

Open up the sky fall down like rain
We don’t want blessings we want You
Open up the sky fall down like fire
We don’t want anything but You

Our beloved Jesus we just want to see You
In the glory of Your light
Earthly things don’t matter they just fade and shatter
When we’re touched by love divine

Here we go let’s go to the throne
The place that we belong
Right into His arms

-Deluge "Open Up The Sky" (Bethany Presents Deluge (Live))
=====
18 days... 18 days... 18 days... 18 days... 18 days...

I can not believe I'm 18 days away from leaving for Zimbabwe. The days are dragging on, but then put in context, I am thrilled beyond belief. I am so ready to be there. I think I was ready to be there a month ago.

This last month, however, has been a hard one. I have been attacked so bad by the enemy. Not with physical sickness/pain, not with financial burdens, not even with relational struggles. No, it's worse, he has hit me with laziness and complacency. If you know me, you know I fear complacency. I do not want to ever be in a place that I think "I'm ok, I can stay right here and be fine" and yet, I have found myself feeling that way. Spending time with the Lord has become my Christian duty, not my joy, strength, peace, encouragement, challenge, excitement. I have found I "don't need" to talk to God about my day "because things are going alright." This is the place I do not want to be in, I do not want to stay in, and I do not want to become "okay" with.

Last night, however, I went to the prayer service at church. I have missed the last few weeks because now that my commitment with students is done, I have found that I have a CHOICE on whether or not I want to go to church. Now, that choice has not been the best because I have chosen not to go. Last night though, Carol (my boss/mentor/friend) asked me to read scripture for the evening. I was so glad she asked me, because I wouldn't have gone otherwise, but it was so refreshing. The Holy Spirit was so present you to could eat it! You could not even walk outside of the building without feeling the Spirit of God fall on that church. There was sweetness, joy, relief, freedom, and rest in the presence of God last night. It was the very thing my soul desired, more desperately than I realized.

Now, I'm not saying I'm "cured" from this place of attack, but I feel as though I have been given the strength to fight back now! I am ready and willing to take on the battle once again and protect and battle for what is mine.

The attack has been strong for each of my team members and the pastors over in Zimbabwe. Please pray against all the spiritual warfare going on! I need your help to battle this dark realm. Thank you for your prayers! I covet each of them! May God pour out blessings on each one of you!!

Ways to pray for me:

Spiritual attack - for strength to continue in the fight and at no point let my guard down
Details - for wisdom as the "last minute" details are coming together and discernment on what is needed and what is not
Health - Prayer that my health will stay strong, my immune system will strengthen, and I will be free from sickness before, during and after my trip

Ways to pray for my team:

Unity - Pray for continued unity within my team. That as the trip is approaching, that the bonds between us with strengthen
Peace - For members of my team, or family members of team members, to have peace that surpasses understanding, knowing that God is sovereign and in control of every aspect of our trip

Ways to pray for Zimbabwe:

Offense - the pastors in Zimbabwe have developed a spirit of offense towards Colin and Lovejoy and we currently have one (1) pastor, Godknows, who is attending. Pray the enemy will not win in this but that each pastor will come to our prayer summit, that is exactly 3 weeks from today!
Financial - that we can raise the money for each pastor to go to the Seed Sowers Prayer Summit for free
Unity - pray for unity within the body of Christ for the churches in Zimbabwe

Ask, Seek, Knock

2009-06-24T13:39:00.001-05:00

Ask, Seek, Knock
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds;
And to him who knocks, the door will be opened. – Matthew 7:7-8

Ask
Jesus commands us to ask in prayer. Ask means to crave, beg for something lacking, desire, require, or demand something that is due because of family or redemptive rights. In prayer, we ask God with humility and confidence in His promises, nothing doubting, being assured that if we ask, we receive. The psalmist said it this way: “Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless” (Ps. 34:10b, 84:11). Jesus said, “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you” (John 15:7).

We ask as little dependent children, needing the basics of life. From the Lord’s prayer, we absorb the foundational lessons of daily dependence – whom to address, God’s due reverence, the priority of his name, submission to His will, vision into what He wants to do on earth, daily dependence, keeping a clear slate with God through forgiveness, showing His mercy to others, living free from sin and oppression of the evil one, and the final summation of all things in His great glory.

Seek
Seeking implies something is missing, and we are searching for it. Jesus promises that if we seek diligently and earnestly with our whole hearts, we have the assurance that we will find. Seeking is bold asking. Jesus taught seeking in prayer, which He pictured as a persistent petitioner who sought relief from one who had authority and power to answer (Luke 18:1-8). There are many other Scriptural promises to the seeker. The three parables of Luke 15 all hinge on seeking something that was lost – a lost coin, a lost sheep, a lost son. Jesus plainly stated in Matthew 7:7-8 that seeking will be rewarded with finding the object of our desire. This principle echoes elsewhere in the Scriptures.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. – Deuteronomy 4:29

The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you. – 2 Chronicles 15:2

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. – Hebrews 11:6

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt. – James 1:5-6a

Knock
Knocking implies need of entrance, with the assurance that the door will be opened. Jesus taught fervent, insistent prayer in Luke 11:5-8, immediately before He gave the instruction to “Ask, seek, and knock” (Luke 11:9-10). He told us to ask with holy boldness as a friend of God. Jesus pictured this holy insistence as a man with a desperate need who knocked on the door of a friend’s house at a radical house of the night. An unexpected guest had come from a long distance and was very hungry at an inconvenient hour. After being turned away, the importunate knocker continued boldly and shamelessly. He was assured that his insistence would bring a response. He was stubborn and tenacious in purpose. He was desperate for the answer his friend could give (Heb. 10:19-23, 36). He continued steadily and incessantly and refused to give up. In the same way, we are told to come boldly to God’s throne of grace for help in time of need (Heb. 4:16).

If a friend would answer a persistent and desperate request for the sake of human friendship, if he would inconvenience himself for friendship’s sake, then God will also answer for friendship’s sake. Abraham is called “friend of God” in the Scriptures, and Jesus called his disciples “friends.” We all can be His intimate friend. In the verses that follow in Luke 11, Jesus raises the bar higher than friendship. He says in effect, “How much more will God yield to urgent prayer based on His promises to his covenantal children!” God is plainly more loving and generous with His children than any earthly father. A good earthly father does everything in his power to provide for his children. The Father-heart of God is even more interested in our welfare than an earthly parent and even more willing to bless (Luke 11:11-13).

It is important to remember that the Holy Spirit, the Father’s all-inclusive gift, will enable us to pray according to God’s will (Luke 11:13, Rom. 8:26-27). Pray believing that God will answer all who pray His will, not just a few special ones (Luke 11:10). He will give all things that are best for his children according to His will, His Word, and His timing. We can be confident that God answers prayer, as we submit to Him and ask, seek, and knock. “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him” (John 5:14-15).

Prayer Essentials II @ 2000 – Sylvia Gunter
The Father’s Business – P.O Box 888014 – Atlanta, GA 30356
Permission granted to reproduce individual pages for prayer purposes.

Come back of "Saved By The Bell"??

2009-06-13T22:42:00.002-05:00

One year...

2009-06-02T18:33:00.004-05:00

Today, I am emotionally spent! It was one year ago today that dad and Jason dropped me off in the "hell hole" of training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. Now I say "hell hole" because it was miserable. Africa was nicer than training camp. We slept 8 to a tent, meant for 4, showered with a FREEZING COLD water hose in a wooden box with 6 people you didn't know, ate without silverware (which I did do in Africa), brushed my teeth in a trough, ate, hung out, learned under a tarp with 200 other people in 110 degree weather... just a few things. It was horrible, and worse yet, you knew no one on your team which made life awkward.

However, it was during that week I started bonding with 20 people who would forever be etched in my heart, in my mind, and in my life. It was during that week that I would bond so quickly and so uniquely to people I would otherwise not spend time with. It was that week I learned what it meant to be a BODY of Christ, each having their own role and their own place. It was that week that I learned deep truths about myself in Christ.

Throughout today, from the moment I woke up, I have been having "flashbacks" of what I was doing a year ago today, what I was feeling, what I was thinking; and remembering the good and the bad of this summer. I have cried tears of sorrow, tears of joy, and tears of pain as I remember those I love and care about. I remember not only my beautiful team, but of my "family" and dear friends who are Swazi's who took me in as one of their own and loved me uniquely. People who accepted me for the sweetly broken person I am, made me feel loved beyond words, and help instill in me beautiful truths of Christ. I have hurt for those I can not see and those an hour and a half away. I long to be with them, I long for them to know how deeply I love them.

God has brought great victories in my life this past year. He has taught me significantly more than I could have imagined. He has brought me to a deeper understanding, a deeper hunger, and a deeper passion for Him than I knew I could have. He has placed me in situations that I never dreamed of being in. He has brought me through sickness with his powerful, supernatural healing. I feel this past year is the first time I have known what following Christ looks like for Amber. I feel like this past year was just a glimpse into what God has laid out for my life. It was because of this past year, that I am excited to step out in faith and go back to Africa with another team. I feel better equipped, better prepared spiritually, and better informed of what lies ahead. As I look on this past year through tear drenched eyes, I look forward to what this next year brings. I remember what did, didn't, and could have been with great joy and press on towards what lies ahead.

Philippians 3:12 - 14: "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

To my Real Life Swazi '08 team. I love you with all of my heart and am honored and blessed to know you! You have forever changed my life and I praise God for you daily!!

Fat Talk

2009-05-21T08:52:00.003-05:00

For an amazing post go to Team Giles and read what my friend Lauren said in regards to this issue of "Fat Talk" but first; watch this video!!!

Busy season

2009-05-17T23:09:00.001-05:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I have written. I apologize. One of the main things I have been busy with is planning the benefit concert that the flyer below is advertising.

Some info about the actual night (Friday, May 29) is this; the event is being held at The Loft at The Woodlands United Methodist Church. My little brother is a paid musician there and the youth director, Bob Swan, has so graciously opened up their doors for me to hold this event. The doors open to the event at 6pm and the first band goes on at 6:30pm. The Lord has blessed me with incredible connections with musicians through my brothers and my own booking company. The artists are: James Caronna, Justin Tinnel (my older brother), Zach Hendricks and Gatlin Elms. These are four (4) incredible up and coming artists in the Houston area. I am honored to represent 3 of the 4 band performing. I, also, have asked each of them to ask God about giving them a song specifically for our Zimbabwe/South Africa trip, and I know a few of them are already writing.

Below is a copy of the flyer we are using to promote the event. I would love not only for each of you to show up to this event, as this concert will help out my whole team, but also to help promote the event in your area. 100% of the proceeds from this event will go towards paying off the remaining "debt" of my team members (those who have not yet raised the $3000 like myself) and then all proceeds above and beyond that will go towards allowing the pastors in both countries to attend the event without having to use their personal money or the churches money.

We will have a merch table at the event. A friend of mine is making prayer jewelry and I am selling “Love Does Something” t-shirts that look like the logo at the top of the page. Also at the merch tables I will have a few copies of different support letters my team and I have written to so that all who attend can see why each of us uniquely is going on this trip and as the support letters are read, we hope to stir excitment in them the same way we are.

I am excited about the event and excited about what God will do. Please pray along with myself, Colin, and each of the musicians as we are praying for God to bring in $100,000. Please pray with us for GOD’S WORK to be done and for the night to bring him honor! Thank you for your prayerful support of me and my team as we are preparing for this journey. May God be honored in all we do and may his blessing fall on you.

Ways to pray for me:

Financial provision and God's direction for my role on this trip.
Continued break through from strongholds and to battle the schemes of the enemy.
Mentoring that God has opened up for me here in The Woodlands.
Mental purity

Ways to pray for my team:

Continued healing for a few team members.
Safety for Lovejoy as he is over in Zimbabwe and for his bride, Charity, who is still here in the states.
Clarity in each persons role on this trip.
Continued financial provision for each team member God has called to go on this trip!

Ways to pray for Zimbabwe:

A spirit of hope and unity in the Body of Christ in Zimbabwe. Psalm 42, Psalm 133
For wisdom, discernment, and favor as Lovejoy Tirivepi meets this week with the individuals involved in the Water Project to install, fix and repair broken pumps in Zimbabwe.
The logistics of The Seed Sowers Prayer Summit and people to be brought together as the date quickly approaches.
God’s fullest purposes to be done in growing this significant alliance between ACLJ and Igniting Prayer Action/www.PrayNowZimbabwe.org.
God to open up the skies of mercy and rain down a cleansing flood of forgiveness that will sweep over Zimbabwe.
God will unite the Body of Christ in Zimbabwe through prayer.
God to prepare the hearts of those who will be in attending “The Seed Sowers Prayer Summit” in Victoria Falls, the 17th & 18th of July.
For Lovejoy Tirivepi as he builds relationships and extends invitations to farmers, pastors, and business leaders to attend the Prayer Summit.
God will give Pastors Colin Millar, Lovejoy Tirivepi, John Parks, and Randy Campbell insight as they prepare and plan The Seed Sowers Prayer Summit.
God will continue to provide financially for those individuals who have been called to attend the Prayer Summit.

May 29 - "Love Does Something" Benefit Concert

2009-04-29T00:24:00.002-05:00

Come out and support me and my trip to Zimbabwe; as well as hear four (4) incredible up and coming artists in the Houston area!!

Love Song for a Savior

2009-04-21T22:16:00.003-05:00

In open fields of wild flowers,
She breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
In no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
Fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
Who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
To show my devotion

-Jars of Clay "Love Song for a Savior" (Jars of Clay)
=====

Love. "A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." I love how that is put. Profoundly tender. Passionate affection.

I chose this song for the beauty of it. This is an older song. It's from Jars of Clay's first album. This song was their third to hit radio in 1996. Over 13 years later and I'm still stunned by the words of it. Especially the bridge that speaks of how it's to easy to call him Savior, yet I'm not close enough to call you God. Man, how I find myself there so often. I sit and think of words that can show my devotion. No words seem to measure up to the bigness of God. This song, a representation of a "love song" to a Savior.

Lately, with the help of my adorable younger sisters, 'N Sync circa 1998 has been blaring from the speakers of my house. In the last week, as I have danced like a fool (because I still remember every lyric and dance move) to these songs, I have been listening to the words of them. Each one is a "love song" to a girl; or later a "break up" song, maybe to the same girl. Each song tries so hard to identify how this guy feels about this girl. In one song, the band sings "I drive myself crazy, thinking of you... I drive myself crazy wanting you the way that I do."

Now, rarely can I say I gain deep theological insight from old school boy band music; but I can say, God really showed me, as I have been striving to love God more and understand a small fracture of his love for me, that these songs represent so much more then what we think of them as. Each song is a longing to fill the "deepest part of ourselves" with this unimaginable love from another person. We drive ourselves crazy thinking about this person, or this dream; yet those things will never satisfy or pacify what God placed in us. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." God has placed eternity in our hearts. He has placed a desire in us, from the foundation of the world, to long for him, to need him, and to desire him. Yet I find I "drive myself crazy" thinking of so many other things, wanting so many other things, instead of God. I try to pacify my God given desire with dreams, that can never fill the God sized place in my heart.

So as you go throughout the rest of your week, I want to challenge you. Evaluate what you drive yourself crazy thinking about and wanting, that is never going to fill the space for eternity God has placed in your heart. Ask God to forgive you for trying to pacify and satisfy this place and surrender it back over to God. Allow him to woo you. Give him the chance to sing a love song over you, as you sing one back to him.

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

Free To Be Me

2009-04-16T21:14:00.007-05:00

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believeEven though

-Francesca Battistelli "Free To Be Me" (My Paper Heart)

=====

That is seriously such a good song! Not only are the lyrics great, but the music is super catchy! In fact, that is what caught me to the song. Josie had me listen to it because it's one of her new favorites, and I didn't pay any attention to the lyrics until later. But what I love about it the most is the bridge. "Sometimes I believe that I can do anything, yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring. But you look at my heart and you tell me that I've got all you seek and it's easy to believe." That is where I am at with God right now!

As I mentioned in my last post, God is teaching me how HE views me! God is really speaking tenderly to me and revealing that I've got all he seeks (as the song states). Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I have arrived, I never wonder or feel insecure, or inadequate; but I can tell you that God has been gently wooing me back to a place of redemption and restoration.

The verse that has been my theme the last few weeks is Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I have been in the process of renewing my mind. Every morning I look at two (2) pieces of paper. One says "I am BEAUTIFUL to the Lord" with the verse "Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves." Song of Solomon 1:15 then the other says "I am LOVED by the Lord" with the verse "But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Amber, he who formed you: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1. So through being daily reminded of those truths, I'm am "being transformed by the renewing of my mind."

On the Zimbabwe front. If you are not already doing so, any and all Zimbabwe updates are being done at Africa Movement and that is the best source for how to pray and keep up with the trip. However, I will tell you this. One of the amazing people going on the trip with me, Ruth, gave me this book to read which I'm VERY excited about.

She said she just read it and it got her very excited about the trip. I am starting it tonight, so I will let you know what I think of it. I mean, I can't imagine it won't help give me greater insight into the nation I'm going into.

Well dear friends, I think that is all for now! Have an amazing weekend and know that you are cherished and loved by the Creator of the Universe. Walk and live in that love and if you get the chance, extend it to someone else too!!!