I struggle knowing how to properly love Jesus. When I mess up, how do I fix it? Should I read the bible more? If so, where do I start? What if I fast for a whole week? OK, but do I really have to neglect food for a week? I know! I should pray more, right? What do I need to say? What if I don't pray right? Aren't there formulas I have to follow so Jesus hears my prayers and cares?
I'm stuck in this place of desiring certain things but knowing I'm not ready for them; mixed with not knowing how to prepare for them. Are my desires bad? I'm told no but it seems people try to subtly tell me yes.
How do I stray away from envy and jealousy of my numerous friends who are getting the very thing I yearn for? Are they better than me? What am I missing? Is God torturing me?
These are questions I wonder on a daily basis. I want to love Jesus fully and be completely satisfied in him. However, I don't feel the closeness with God I have in the past. According to "The Bait of Satan" I am holding onto offense, so I won't feel closeness with God until I let go of that. So how do I let go of something I didn't know I was holding onto?
At any point does this thing get easy? Are the answers ever straight-forward? Will I ever get this one desire of my heart? Will I forever long for this one thing I can't have? Will God ever be enough?
Why do other people see things in me I don't see in myself? Are those things true? Do I have a pure faith? Am I a prayer warrior? Do I have God's anointing on my life?
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:5-11
God, I don't understand your love for me! You have never left me; you have always proven faithful. Lord, I am dumbfounded by your greatness. You humbled yourself and came down from heaven to become a man. You lived a spotless life despite the struggles of the flesh and surrendered your life to death so that I can have an intimate relationship with God the Father. How can I lose sight of that? You are so patient with me. Forgive me daddy and help my disbelief and selfishness. Help me fall in love with you and be fully satisfied with you. Grant me the strength and self-control to battle the schemes of the enemy. Restore to me the JOY of my salvation.
"When the saints go marching in... I want to be one of them!"
- Sara Groves
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