If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
Til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
-Brooke Fraser "Hymn" (Albertine)
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This song has amazed me the last few days! This has also been my prayer. That I only dwell with Jesus Christ. That I find full satisfaction in Jesus Christ above all else.
As you readers in blog land are full aware, I long and desire to be married one day. Not this "fairy tale, happily ever after" marriage, but the "gives a picture of God's love for His church. The kind where you work through life together and though two sinful humans coming together, we strive to bring ultimate glory to God through our relationship" marriage. I'm not naive in thinking that the "honeymoon" lasts forever, but I still long for the imperfections that make up a beautiful picture of love. The choice you make to sacrifice, serve and enjoy another human.
This longing, this desire, is ever present in my life; but lately God has started to put people in my life, asking and praying for me to view God like this. One thing I'm not good at, is seeing God this way. To see God as my lover. To find my ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment in him alone without this other longing. However, a week ago, God gave me a verse I've been meditating on. Isaiah 54:5 says "For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." Wow, right? My maker is my husband? Wait, what? Not what I've always envisioned and fantasized about. Yet at the same moment of reading this, I have something stir inside me, making me excited at the thought. "The God of all the earth"... is my Redeemer, my lover, my companion, my best friend. How beautiful the words of that passage.
So I say this to share, that God has been hearing the prayers of those around me. God has slowly (sadly this is not a quick process) been opening my eyes to wholeness in Christ, figuring out who I am, and falling madly in love with God as lover. He is establishing an intimate relationship with him emotionally that I will never have with a man on this earth. It has been crazy, and as I've said it has been long and is far from over... but it's been interesting to feel, see, and experience this kind of change.
God is so good and so faithful! I'm loving and hating my journey with him, but expectant and hopeful of what is in store for the future. That is all for now, so for now, goodnight!!
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