Tonight was that last night of Shift for the Fall semester and that thought alone makes me want to cry. I was telling my friend Alyssa tonight, it's not that I don't realize in 3ish weeks that Shift will start back up, but it's the fact that this semester has meant so much to me. I've felt things I haven't felt in a long time, I've grown in the Lord, I've built awesome relationships and above all I have seen the hand of God move and transform lives of students that I love. To me, I feel as if it can't get better than this; however I know (and love this about God) that He has even more up His sleeve than I can imagine and how much better the Spring can and will be. I don't know where I would be this semester if I didn't have Shift, if Brian didn't take a chance in trusting me to come on board. I cannot even begin to express what all this fall semester has been. Words are not enough to convey it.
Something that struck me on my way to Shift tonight was that God healed me. Now, that sounds simple but I think this is the first time in almost a year (a year in February) that I realized the full extent of what God did last February with my Zimbabwe team. God healed me. God saved me from the grave. This time last year I was in constant, nagging, excruciating pain with every breath that I took. This time last year I was going from doctor visit to doctor visit, x-ray to cat scan praying for a miracle. Praying that this thing can finally end. A little over a year ago, God literally saved me from the grave. As I think about it, the full extent of what I was suffering from before even flying home from Swaziland, there is no logical or medical reason that I even made it home, let alone made it to a doctor in time and was never admitted into the hospital. I have known these simple truths, I have shared with others, but it was tonight that I was hit with a ton of bricks of what exactly God did. Then after allowing me the chance to fight infection, I still suffered 7 (long) months and then by God's grace and love for me, February 23 he instantly healed me... 100%! Really?! I have to believe that I'm here for a purpose. I have to believe that God kept me here because He is not finished with me yet. I have to believe God has something big for me to do. Now, big in the spiritual realm could mean I'm a Godly wife and mother and raise children to be everything God designed them to be; or it could mean that I am supposed to charge hell with a water pistol and see hundreds of lives radically transformed because of the gospel. Either way, however my life plays out, I know and believe that God has a purpose and plan specific for me and I have not reached the climax of my story yet. That is an unbelievable realization. Few people can have that kind of "wow" moment of realization and a near death encounter that wakes them up to this. I praise God, that although in the midst I didn't see it, that He has allowed me to look back and see this very truth.
I wish I could go into all of what I want right here, but this is the part that due to this going out to the free world, I can't fully share what God is doing. I know, only intrigues you more right? Sorry! What I will share is that God is stirring a desire in me to break from my world of comfort and tradition (for lack of a better term) and find out what it means to surrender and live missional. I don't know what that looks like right now, I pray and seek the face of God for direction, but I know that in my future, whether near or distant, I will be stepping into a faith journey I don't know if I'm prepared for. I wait anxiously to see how God plays this out.
I miss Benedict. I miss South Africa. I miss Living Waters church and the Erasmus family. I know that God has called me to minister fully in America and that Africa is my mission, but I miss so much about it. I miss the language and accents. I miss the food. I miss the tea. I miss the simplistic lifestyle. I miss the beauty. I miss the animals. I miss the adventure. I miss the community. I miss the culture. I think about Africa and my friends/family there often, if not daily. I'm thankful for the internet, namely Skype and Facebook, that allows me to talk to Benedict and his parents, TK, Luan, Titi, Lelo, Ncobile, and countless others. Today, I'm thinking fondly of Africa, of the people I love that are there, and am praying for them.
Man, I could share so many more things. There is so much inside me that I want to write down because I process better that way, but at the same time as I stop right now and think, nothing else is coming to mind. So for now, I say goodnight and leave you with my verse of the day.
"This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:8-9
Joshua 1:8-9
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