Desperate for Jesus

So, I've been thinking recently of what it means to have a love affair with Jesus. See, I love Jesus and I have for a long time, but it's only within the last few years I have been IN love with Jesus.

I think it was, maybe, three years ago where I learned what it means to be in love with Jesus. It was the first time I really heard the voice of God (in my spirit) and he told me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. It was the first time I realized the truth of having a relationship with God and not just "he's Jesus so I worship him".

Things on and off the last three years, however, have made me doubt and/or not walk in that love relationship with Jesus. Whether it was an abusive relationship, sin or believing the lies of the enemy, I haven't always walked passionately, forever changed in a love affair with Jesus. But see, once you have experienced the LOVE of the FATHER and experienced this kind of relationship, you can't stay away long. You are radically changed. You are forever changed.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to lead the junior high ministry at my church. I was not expecting it, I was just hoping to work with students, but God had other plans. As I have been praying and preparing for our kick-off service tomorrow, I've realized how desperate I am for Jesus. I prayed today, "Jesus, I need you. I need you to take over this ministry. I need you to do what only you can and remove me from the picture, because if you don't, this will fail. If left in my strength, it will fail. Jesus, would you save souls? Would you allow the students and volunteers to have an encounter with you? And if you choose, would you use me or move me?"

See, I have realized that I am desperate for Jesus. I am desperate for the Holy Spirit to move in this ministry. I am desperate for the love of Abba to take over. I can't do this. I am incapable of doing this. I will fail if left to my own vices or my own strength. BUT God has to power to move in powerful ways that will change a generation. God has placed me in a position to make a difference in His power to change the life of a student. If one student has a love encounter with God and God chooses to save his/her life, I will forever be grateful to have been a part of it.

So that brings me back to this love affair with Jesus. If what I said is what I believe, I have had to figure out what I can do in my life to make sure I am constantly growing and pressing into the Father and making sure my relationship with Him is what it needs to be. So I will be making some changes, adding some things to my schedule and continuing to do or try new things that deepen my love and understanding of who God is. Writing will be one of them. Time in intercession corporately and privately will be another. And accountability and fellowship will be the third. I feel like right now, those are three things I need to focus on as I cry out for God to move in me and hopefully move in the junior high ministry. All that to say, stay tuned as I explore what God has for me; this will be a fun season.

To Him be the glory forever!