I wish I wasn’t so angry, but alas, I am. As I was on my way home from lunch with everyone after church, I was thinking/praying and realized that I am worth more, so much more, than he is providing me. I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty darn great.
I am beautiful, I am passionately in love with Jesus, I am working at become the woman God has created me to be. I am praying God would create in me a gentle and quiet spirit and to die to my self so I can love and serve a boyfriend/fiancé/husband well.
I am not perfect. I will do things that make said boyfriend/fiancé/husband upset, but I will try to be humble enough to admit my mistakes, ask for forgiveness and learn from my mistakes.
One day there will be a man who will see this, appreciate this and desire to be with me. If he is not willing to do that, even though it is handed to him, then I am tired of him taking advantage of it and maybe stopping another man to step up.
I’ve felt this way for a while now, but not upset enough to do anything. When he comes around me, I let him walk all over me. I did it with Lucas for a long time; months at the end of our relationship. I am worth more than these men are giving me. Lord, please give me the courage to do something about this. Help me respect myself enough to demand it from this man.
If he is not attracted to me, that is fine. I can’t do anything about this. If he doesn’t want a relationship because he doesn’t have the “time” to give to it, then he needs to realize that he is already giving it all too me. His actions show he is interested, his words say otherwise. Nothing would change with him and I except that we would have a title to what we are and I’d get to kiss him. But again, I can speak to his logic all day long, but if it boils down to the fact that he is just not attracted to me, I can’t change that. Ugh! I'm tired of the games!
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1 comment:
Boys are dumb. See: the boy who I was dating when Dad died and I told he could go away and he chose to stay...for one month...just enough time for me to think I could rely on him...only for him to then tell me he wasn't over his ex (whom he talked to for probably two weeks and he is now engaged to someone he's known...um...maybe 5 months? 6?). As if it wasn't difficult enough to lose, REALLY lose Dad, then that stupid guy too. In the words of my friend Obie, "You don't need a boy Amber, with his stupid childish games, you need a man."
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