Recently I have been on two online dating sites. I have now met three men face to face, between the two sites. However, yesterday was the most eye-opening date of all. The man whom I went out with made a bold statement in telling me that I am fatter in person than I appear in my pictures. Harsh words, right? Well, yes, but no. Yes, because no one likes being told that. No, because it made me realize how much the Lord has grown me in my realization of who I am in Him.
Let me explain. I was not affected by what this guy said. I know that I am beautiful. I know that I am smart, funny, compassionate, and a woman who is pursuing Christ and deeply loved by Him. My worth, my identity and my value as a woman is not wrapped up in what a man thinks of me or my relationship status. Do I wish that I were skinnier? Yes, of course! Who doesn’t have something about themselves they wish was different? However, I also know that I am going to gym four days a week and living an active lifestyle while being conscious of what I put into my body. You see I wish I was skinnier, but I can’t dwell on my weight because I know that I am taking the measures necessary to achieve the end goal of a healthy body/weight. I know that my weight journey has as much to do with my spiritual life as it does my physical life.
Recently I have felt like God has been telling me that He is the one who controls my body and he is the reason I am not seeing major weight loss from my efforts. Bummer, right? Wrong. God has revealed to me that just like Paul had a thorn in his flesh, my weight is my version of the thorn in the flesh. It is the thing that keeps me humble and seeking the face of God. It is the one thing that has me constantly having to lay my sins at the foot of the cross. Could I work out more? Eat more veggies? Absolutely. I’m not saying that I have been perfect with my health, but when I submit more to God and less to the schedule of things to produce end results, I am then able to be free and accept where I am today. My friend and pastor, Hank, said today that God orders our steps and he has our life planned out. He is before us, behind us and beside us orchestrating the paths we venture on and we need nothing but trust Him.
I am inexplicably thankful for the confidence I have found in Christ. I am thankful for who I am in Him. I am thankful for the beauty God has given me and that I can stand confident before the lover of my soul, knowing full well and with all assurance of faith, that I am beautiful and deeply loved by my Daddy. I can rest knowing that “it is well with my soul.”
This is what I looked like yesterday for that "date".
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