That is how dictionary.com describes what it means to be desperate or in a state of desperation. I have figured out, that in America, we do not know what it means to be desperate. Even in our times of most need, we are not without being able to fulfill that need. We may be really hungry, but we have a means of getting food. We may be negative in our bank account, but not without a chance to earn money. We do not know what it means to be at the point of, "if I don't get this, I will die."
When I think about the closest I have come to being desperate was last summer. I was extremely ill after Swaziland. We were leaving Johannesburg and coming back to the states. When our plane arrived in Newark, we had to go through customs and rush to make our connecting flight. I was only using a small portion of my lungs and could not take 3 steps without gasping for air. So when my leader told me to run to the other side of the airport, I physically could not do it. I was desperate for air. I was gasping for one breath that would ease the pain. I was physically paralized from pain. It was in that moment that I was closest to desperation, however I still don't feel as if I understand the means of needing something so bad that my life depended on it. Not even when I was gasping for air.
I bring that up, because my soul longs to be desperate for the Lord. I want to be in a place where if I don't get a glimpse of the Lord, if I don't connect with him, I will be dead. I want to be in a place where I am desperate. I do not care about being polite, about looking like a fool, or about being civilized, because if I don't meet with the Lord RIGHT NOW I will be dead. I do not want to "look cool", I do not want to "appeaze others", I do not want to be the perfect "church lady", I want to charge the grain truck. I want to do whatever I can, at whatever cost, to touch the hem of his garment. I want to push through the crowd, elbowing others, just to be in his presence.
Lord, teach us what it meant to be desperate. Teach us what it means to desire you above everything else. God, I so want to be desperate for you, but as a westernized Christian, I have not known need. Teach me what it means to NEED you. Teach me what it means to "charge the grain truck."
A book I am reading put Matthew 5:3 into terms in a way that I can wrap my mind around. It opened my eyes to truths above. The verse says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I want to share a portion of this book that blew my mind.
"The kingdom of heaven. That's where God the Father keeps His wealth and treasure. The kingdom of heaven is where we find grace and mercy. The kingdom of heaven is where hearts get mended and bodies get healed. The kingdom of heaven is where we dance in the arms of our Beloved. My heart longs for the peace and stillness of heaven being near...
Blessed means that you and I have been approved by God. He is pleased. We are acting in a way that give him honor. We have truly found His heart in a matter...
In this case, when Jesus said poor, He meant utterly destitute, poverty stricken, helpless. And so Jesus is saying, God approves of those who know poverty of spirit, and He gives to them the fullness of His presence."
(Do you think I'm beautiful by: Angela Thomas)
Anyone else wow'd by that? I desire to be in the full presence of God. To walk in a manner, where in everything I do, it is surrounded with the unmistakable presence of God. But according to that verse, how do I get it? By being desperate. So to get the fullness of God's presence in my life, I have to know a life of desperation before the Lord and a poverty of spirit. It is in that that the Lord approves.
I want to live a life that God approves, do you? I long to be in a place with the fullness of God's presence. I challenge you today, ask God to give you a spirit of desperation so you can be approved by God and experience the fullness of His presence in your life. I am doing the same!!
Be blessed today in the knowledge of God!
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