No purpose

Do you ever feel like something is missing? Something is terribly wrong. Over the last two months, my entire world seems to have flipped. Actually, this entire year has been absolutely horrible in 98% of the areas. I am truly ready for 2012 to be complete. Part of me, in fact, wishing the Mayan calendar is correct and the world ends in a few months and Jesus returns. This year has definitely made me get a great prayer for "Come Lord Jesus. We wait for you. The Spirit and the bride say COME!"

Yes, there has been good moments, but as a whole, I'm just tired. I feel like I have strayed so far from my call and I have become so confused, I am not 100% sure what that call is anymore. I feel like I had my future fairly planned out, but held loosely, only to have it ripped from the seams and now I don't know my left from my right. I feel like my entire group of friends have distanced themselves with the exception of a select few. And through all of this, I have felt the absence of God.

Now, I know God is ever present. I hold fast to the promise of scripture. However, unlike most of my life until now, God is silent. There have been moments, sweet, sweet moments where I have heard the voice of God, but it is a season of dependence and quiet. Yes, some of the reason is that I haven't listened as well, but I also think God is just silent. Is what I have had to deal with catastrophic, no. Especially compared to other people, but for me, it has been extremely hard.

I don't know. I'm just rambling. All I can say, is that I am struggling. I am confused. I feel empty. I need Jesus.