See, I thought I was on the right track. I have taken every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, I have claimed the promises He has given me, and I have ask for Abba to show me how to improve. I thought, “surely that is good enough, right?” No such luck. Last night about 3 a.m. I was woke up as if I had just slept 8 full hours only to “hear” from the Lord. Now, it was not an audible voice, but it was as clear as an audible voice. The Lord asked me if I would surrender it. Of course, I knew exactly what the Holy Spirit was speaking. Would I surrender it fully to the Lord? Would I let go of the “hope” I have put in this and give it to Him? Would I trust that He is good, that He loves me infinitely more than I could imagine and that Daddy has the best waiting for me? As I laid in bed the quote I heard growing up came back to me. “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it’s yours forever, if it doesn’t, it was never yours to begin with.”
This leads me to my next thought. What does it look like to surrender fully to the Lord? I have tried, with this exact area, in the past; however, each time I end up picking it right back up. I do not know if I know how to lay an idol, a dream, a desire at the foot of the cross and leave it there. Especially when the idol/dream/desire has been a part of your thinking, acting and feeling for as long as you can remember. I want this to be given to the Lord and that my faith is such that I can learn what it means to be free from this.
I long to be in a place that I am content, satisfied and whole before God alone. I want to know what it means and feels like to find my security and completeness in the Lover of my soul. I am getting there. I am closer than I ever have been, yet I still have so far to go. It is an endless journey this side of Heaven, but I believe, I have to believe, that this wholeness will become more and more evident in my life. In Song of Solomon (one of my favorite books) it speaks of the woman finding her security and self worth in the man. Song of Solomon 2:1 says “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys.” She knew how her betrothed felt about her and she was secure in that. So much so, she could confidently say “I am a rose… I am a lily.” A few verses later she says, “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.” She knew without a doubt of his love for her. She knew the way he viewed her and “his banner over her was love”. What would it look like to say that? To be so secure in who you are in Christ and the beauty He sees in you, that you can say “I am a rose… I am a lily,” and “his banner over me is love.” What a beautiful thought. What an amazing thing to push towards and strive for.
As I close this, I want to leave you with my favorite truth from Song of Solomon and the one verse that makes me weak in the knees, giddy with love for my Savior who is captivating my heart. This verse is one of the main ones that I see as Jesus wooing my heart.
“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
Song of Solomon 4:7
Song of Solomon 4:7
1 comment:
God has been teaching me True surrender my whole life. And I'm still not there yet.
I was at work earlier, and this doesn't happen like ever, but I felt, like really felt, how much I needed Him and how worthless I am. I don't know how to describe that feeling, but I just came to the realization that I truly am nothing, I am sinful, depraved man, and I need God to live through me. I don't need His Help. I need His All. And He wants my all, and I'm trying to just lay it down, becoming humble like Christ did- even to the point of death.
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