One Pure and Holy Passion

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in your truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you, my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

-Christy Nockels "One Pure and Holy Passion" (One Day Live)

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This song has been the prayer and the cry of my heart for this past week. It is a song I heard a lot in high school and then got "rotated out" for the new worship songs and this one isn't played as much. However, when I was in Swaziland, Hannah was leading worship for all the girls one evening (the guys were out "slaying dragons") and she played this song. It was, for me, the first time I had ever truly listened to the words of this song. It was in that moment, I realized the power of this song; and since that time, I pray these words on a regular basis, in song and just in words. I think ultimately this is, or should be, the cry of every Christ follower; and it's something, some place, I strive to be at one day.

The thoughts/images/pressure/idle chatter of marriage has come up a lot recently, as I have numerous friends within January - March who are getting married. Now, for those who know me, you know this is a constant struggle for me. The knowledge of surrendering my marriage, my husband, my desires, and my future to the Lord and being content in my singleness and loving the time I have with the Lord and then actually doing it. It is this "thing" that in some moments, I'm completely content with, and other times the struggle of "why everyone else and not me". Well, I was spending some time reading the other day and came across (once again) the passage in 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul talks about marriage and singleness. How it isn't a sin to be married, but he finds so much more delight in singleness. And as always, the verses that stick out every time is 1 Corinthians 7:34-35: "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. That is ultimately what I desire to have. For my aim to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit and that I may live in a right way in UNDIVIDED DEVOTION to the Lord. So once again, I was convicted of my feeling like marriage is the gift and singleness is the state you live in while waiting for your time to arrive. Vicki (my mentor) told me her desire for me is that I can see God as my husband, and to be honest, that is my desire for myself; however, I need a lot of prayer and a major break-through from the Lord.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday is that I have started going to a small group/bible study through the church. It is a group of women in their early to mid twenties (some married, some single) who desire to grow deeper with the Lord. They took a break for the holidays and just started back up this past Monday, which was my first time going. I loved it so much. The women are a lot of fun, full of energy, but at the same time completely committed and ready to grow deeper in their faith and understanding of God. It is exactly what I need in this season of my life. We are going through the Beth Moore study of "Breaking Free" and it is a 5 day personal study and then the group time on Monday nights. We aren't doing the video, but let me tell you, this study I can already tell is going to be a move of God in my life. I didn't realize the bondage I was in, the pain that hasn't healed, the walls I've put up that the Lord is trying to pull down until I started slowly examining my life. I think between this study and my mentoring with Vicki, God is about to do some insane stuff in my life. Although I'm terrified of what it will be in the process, I am so excited and at a point that I'm so ready for that to happen. I'm ready to struggle and push through some things with the Lord to be able to stand whole, healed, and free in Christ.

So, I will try to write as I start this new season of my life, for you who read as well as for me to look back on. I'm excited and ready and covet your prayers for me. I love you!