I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?
-Addison Road "What do I know of Holy" (Addison Road)
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The song I put at the top has become my theme song the last 3 days. I had heard some Addison Road songs before but last night they did a free concert a mile from my house (sadly I couldn't go because I had to bring the girls to gymnastics) and decided to hear some more of their stuff, so I bought their album on iTunes. I listened to the record and it was alright, kind of an Inhabited mixed with Barlow Girl style; but when the last song on the album played I was captivated by the words. The main line(s) that stuck out to me was "If you touched my face, would I know you? Looked into my eyes, would I behold you?... What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion?" At that moment I was dumbfounded and played that line over and over. It is my prayer through and through. I want to be the person that can discern God's face and eyes in an instant, to gaze upon his beauty, to be his "intimate" as my pastor has been calling it. So I have made it my "mission" to do everything on my part to become one of God's intimates. To be the person that can discern the heart of God. The one who can behold him.
"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me." Isaiah 43:10
I went to small group on Monday, and let me state again, how excited I am to be a part of such an amazing group of women. From the moment I met them, I have felt like I belong and that I am free from judgment. It is a liberating feeling. It amazes me that I can be a part of something that is active in the move of God. I know and can see God doing something HUGE. Krista said in the group, that she knows that by the end of the study, there WILL BE breakthrough. That is a thought that excites me, because my one prayer right now is for breakthrough in my life. Breakthrough for healing of wounds from previous churches and Christians, breakthrough of the walls in my heart that have kept me from being vulnerable, breakthrough for brokenness and authenticity with people, breakthrough for feelings of insensitivity and the inability to show proper emotion (which ties into the brokenness). I know God is on the verge of a huge movement in my life, for 2 reasons. One being the people, studies, and situations in my life; and second being the attack from the enemy. Whatever I'm being put through though, cannot compare to what I know the outcome will be and that is a deeper understanding a God, a freedom in Christ, and being one of God's "intimates".
"But from there you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29
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