Blessed

I'm walking through the bright white gates
Breathing in and out your grace
All around me melodies rise
That echo with the joy inside
So I start to sing

But I can't sing loud enough
I can't sing loud enough
When I'm singing for You my God

With a thunder roll and a brilliant light
Your glory boasts and the heavens shine
The saints and angels stand in awe
Captured by the beauty of it all
So I fall to my knees

But I can't bow low enough
I can't bow low enough
At the vision of You my God

I can't hold it all inside
I'm reaching for the One who brought me out of death and into life
But I can't lift my hands high enough
Life my hands high enough
When I'm reaching for You my God

I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You
I'm reaching for You my God

- Phil Wickham "Cielo" (Heaven and Earth)
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I love that song so much! It is one of my favorite worship songs right now. Beautiful!

So I love how God tends to blow me away... all the time. Let me explain. I have started going regularly to Redeemer Bible Church. I did not want to go to this church. Not because of any of the people or theology per say, but I wanted to find a community where I am not under the shadow of my family, but that people can know me as me. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my family. Aside from God, they are the most important and cherished people in my life. However, there is a lot of us and I am blessed with an incredible family. I could not be more proud of being a Tinnel, but I feel sometimes as if I easily get "lost in the crowd" so to speak with my family. James is the soldier, loving father/husband and worship leader, Justin & Jason are the rock stars, compassionate, others-minded, servants and worship leaders, Josie, Kiana, Kayla, and Jacob are the little ones so they are just cute and have zeal and spunk for life and an innocent and pure love for God, and my parents are "saints" in the words of others and just have beautiful hearts full of love and compassion for everyone. I am humbled that God would allow me to be a part of such a family, however sometimes I wonder "who is Amber". If someone was to describe my family, what would I be. So I have devoted the last 6 months and will continue to devote the next 6 months to this journey of finding my identity in Christ, finding my worth in Christ, finding my talent in Christ, and my purpose in Christ.

I share this, because at Redeemer, there are people who have known me for almost 20 years, some 15, some 10, some 5, and those who I'm just now meeting have heard about me; so it's not really a place to step out of the Tinnel name. So when God started telling me back in August, I was stubborn and disobedient because I didn't think this is what I wanted. Oh how I was wrong.

I am finding a beauty in not having to "explain" my family. For those who know us, you understand what that means. The people I am doing life with have walked this journey with us, prayed with/for us, and been the hands and feet of Christ in hard times. I am seeing how perfect it is to step back into a community that has faced life's trials with me for two reasons. One, they can see and appreciate, more than others, the progress in my faith and my Christian walk. They knew me before I understood and accepted Christ and have walked this out with me, so can now appreciate the "fruits" of their prayers, encouragement, love and support. Not that I am complete, but God has brought me a long way. Two, I am finding that I'm the most real among these people, because I don't need to put on a face because they know the truth. Had I stepped into a community where I was unknown, the temptation to look or be a certain way to fit in would inevitably creep in, but with this community, they know the core of me and love me anyway. It is a jaw dropping realization that what I have fought for so long, once finally surrendered and obeyed, is becoming one of the most precious things in this season for me.

I could write so much more, about Jordan, about IHOP, about running, about school, about work, about an opportunity that God is placing before me... but I feel like right now I need to spend the rest of the evening in prayer of thanks for where God is placing me. So goodnight friends!