I get scared sometimes. I fear that I won't be loved. I fear I will never get that "perfect day" when I know without a doubt that there is someone on this earth that will love me for the rest of my life. I think I fear not being loved at all. My brothers will move on and do great and mighty things and one day my parents won't be able to fix everything. I'll have to embrace independence and start this thing called life alone, and I fear I won't be strong enough. I fear someone might see the real me and reject it. I don't want to let people in past a certain point because who I am is not as pretty as I have let people believe.
God's love for me is endless. He knows me more intimately than even a husband would. He loves this bastard child who doesn't trust Him to provide. God sees me in my most pure form and as much as that terrifies me, I find hope in it. I find hope that one day God will be enough for me. I find hope that one day I'll let someone see me for who I am and I will be able to take off this mask I wear. One day I will empty my drawer full of masks and embrace on this new found freedom where I no longer fear. One day love will conquer my fear. One day I will sing and dance in the divine romance of the creator of beauty. One day I will like myself.
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